Why should we keep our age a secret?
 |
| Saga Stylista: Philippa Carr |
One of the wonderful things about blogging is the incredible people that you meet. Virtually and in the real world. Just before Christmas, I wrote about the Saga Stylistas – and then received a lovely email from one of the women, Philippa Carr. I asked for her permission to share it with you:
I just wanted to say thank you.
Until I found your blog I thought I was alone in growing older but feeling stronger and more myself. Then I started reading about and seeing other women who are happy-in-their-(wrinkly, saggy, age-spotted) – skin. I had thought my recent efforts to be bolder and brighter were just a determined raging against the fading light, and an effort to ingratiate myself with youthful colleagues. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I can now admit to myself that I simply love clothes and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. And the fact that I have the money to spend, at my age, after a career of hard work, should be celebrated.
Until the Saga Stylista piece, I would never tell people my age. Afraid to be written off at work, I guess, and I’m probably not alone. And now it’s out there. When people have said recently ” Well, you certainly don’t look 57,” I don’t respond in a wishy-washy ‘that’s really sweet of you’ way. I simply reply, “Well, there you go. That’s what 57 looks like for me.” Life doesn’t end, or begin, at 50 it just continues brilliantly with more self-knowledge and a devil-may-care attitude.
Philippa isn’t alone. A recent House of Lords report found that the BBC had an informal policy of discriminating against older women, and having worked in the fashion industry for decades I know that telling people, or just looking, your age can sometimes mean career suicide. But turning 50 had a galvanising effect on me. It was almost as if I’d developed some sort of compulsory, age-declaring disorder. Now I’ll quite happily disclose my age to anyone who’s interested…
How do you feel about telling people your age?
Discussion (45 Comments)
Thanks for introducing Philippa Carr! Love her attitude.
Yes, I do rell people my age (52). Last year I met a mature model who was probably in her late 40s but didn't reveal her age "it is not good for the business" she said… 🙁Annette | Lady of Style
Just turned 50 and I feel fine about my age and about aging. Loved your post and truly believe I suffer from the same disorder as you do 😉 .
Have a nice week
Manuela
https://girlsjustlikeus.wordpress.comI am 62 going on 63, loving my body that has carried and danced me through life so far, proud of age and wrinkles coming with that. If people ask, I just tell the thruth without hesitaiton. great to meet people on this forum who do the same.
My mother routinely lopped 10 years off her age. She was able to get away with it, as she was healthy and slim, but she got in such a tangle when she wanted to retire. I've never lied about my age, I'm 70 now and volunteer at AgeUK, where many of those I help are younger than me. I'm glad to be able to challenge people's perceptions of what 70 looks like
I've never understood why you'd lie about your age. I regularly round up to the next birthday… I think I was 40 for a year and a half!! I even like half birthdays so at the moment I'm 42 and a half now. (I guess the kid inside has never left, which is ironic considering the topic.)
Imagine if you (like Daisy's mum, above) took 10 years off your age and people secretly thought you looked terrible for your age?! I think birthdays are compensation for getting older so they should be celebrated – as I said I'm still like a kid on my birthday, I love the change of a new number.
Maybe that's just me…!!
Excellent, very thoughtful post Alyson 🙂
Catherine, Not Dressed As Lamb x
I'm 72 come April and life is pretty circumscribed as I'm a full-time carer for my severely-disabled husband. I's a challenge to keep positive when social life is limited and outings rare; but I try! I've always loved clothes and make up so I dress up even if it's just the two of us. I buy a lot on line as getting out is a problem and I love my parcels arriving. Even if things are not right you can return them fuss-free and still have the money to spend. I don't save my precious perfumes for going out – I squirt something on every morning. I read, write, play the piano, email and chat to friends on the telephone. I begin every day by writing down three blessings. And I love this blog with its joie-de-vivre, enthusiasm and sanity. Anna
Guess I'm old fashioned. I either lie or dodge the question. It's great that "it's just a number," but a number defines you all the same. This certainly seems to be changing, as Phillipa Carr makes 57 look pretty hot, as does Sharon Stone and her ilk. Maybe I'll have to change my policy at the next birthday!
As I read the comments about "just turning 50", etc. I am thrilled to say I will be 71 next month. It is unbelievably liberating to tell people! I feel better about myself than I have for years. Wrinkles are no longer dreaded but expected and add to my depth and character.
I used to quite enjoy telling people my age when I turned 50…in the manner of a proud 5 year old….. as they all squealed in disbelief. A few years later I don't quite get the same reaction so my looks seem to be catching up with me… am thinking of adding a few years to see I get the desired affect!!
We can all tell just by looking how old other people are, I don't care about the numbers and never hide my 51 years, that would be like denying my life so far. What's wrong with looking 51? Luckily I'm self-employed so don't experience workplace discrimination. It's appalling to hear that women still have to worry about looking younger to keep their job, what happened to the alleged level playing field of no age/sex discrimination?
ps loved the twitter #thatismyage trending flurry this am!That's a great message from Philippa! So glad she let you share it. She looks wonderful full stop.
I've never ever been shy about my age. In fact I'd rather people know than speculate at work or elsewhere. My mother has an colleague who even after 25 years, has never revealed her age. Whatever works for you I guess.I am happy to tell people that I'm almost 61. I embrace my getting older.
Hurrah! Thank you for this Alison (and Philippa). You and your blog are not just getting older, your getting better.
Exactly. I agree with your sentiment. Also about reading newspapers. I'm 58. No shame. I started joking about that, when I turned 55. I joked that spending so much time in skating arenas was like cryogenics, it's freezing and keeps me young. Most of the moms are shocked at my age, as I'm about 15-20 years older than any of them with a teenager. I dress well, even to go to the skating rink. Nobody else knows what's under my coat. My daughter notices and appreciates that I make the effort, as well.
Great sentiments!! Why should we be embarrassed by our age….we are so lucky to still be alive!!! If you've had friends pass away from cancer, you'll know what I mean! So we should celebrate….another year older means we're another year better!!! Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.comI don't find saying my age as it is an issue. I never have. If I go to my GP with some stiff joint type complaint and say it is probably due to the no of birthdays he always says that the alternative is worse. He is quite right.
I announce my age proudly from the hilltops. Because I am not ashamed of it! We've come a long way in this society over body shaming, but we still have huge mountains to climb over age shaming. If we hide our age, we are only contributors.
Manette says:
That’s an interesting take of yours. Thank you for that. While I don’t want to contribute to age-shaming by deliberately hiding my age, I also don’t want to make a big deal out of it even proudly – which is going the other extreme. If one puts it on a pedestal, it’ll just be a hugely defining factor used to pigeonhole someone when there’s so much variety at every age. Instead, I just want to be ultimately free from it, from the stigma of it and the spotlight on it.
I'm quite happy to tell people my age, and like LPC, a bit proud, quite honestly. . .
I'm 60 next month , feel fabulous and really didn't think I would. Feeling very pleased with myself and hope that my two beautiful daughters feel as great as I did when they reach milestone birthdays
It's funny because when I was in my 40's I really struggled with it. I never told anyone my age. But now that I'm in my 60's, 61 next week, I have no problem putting it out there. I might add though that I am not working out in the corporate world. I just had lunch with my beautiful, intelligent, accomplished friend who is 68 years of age and is running into quite a bit of age discrimination as she searches for a job. She told me that she has much more success getting interviews when she does NOT disclose her age.
We always laugh about this, but ever since my mum got into her 90's she declares her age with pride each passing year, and so she should, she cleans her own house, cooks her meals, doe her own laundry, walks to the hairdressers every week. I'm more than happy to be in my 50's, I don't really understand why anyone wouldn't accept their age, though yes as I get up there thoughts of death will cloud me more and more.
Cheery aren't I?We always laugh about this, but ever since my mum got into her 90's she declares her age with pride each passing year, and so she should, she cleans her own house, cooks her meals, doe her own laundry, walks to the hairdressers every week. I'm more than happy to be in my 50's, I don't really understand why anyone wouldn't accept their age, though yes as I get up there thoughts of death will cloud me more and more.
Cheery aren't I?I want to encourage all of you! This 61 year old is being flown to LA this week to be in a national ad campaign! It really is surreal! More and more marketers see the value in the midlife and beyond woman…it is time we see that value in ourselves. We rock…and there is much fun to be had.
I used to fib about my age, 'cos I could get away with it, still can! But Now when I'm told 'you don't look it' my comment is….' Good Answer. ' Actually I don't give a damn, whether people think I look old or not. I don't feel it, which is sooo much more important!
My mother looks and has the energy of a woman 20 years younger than her actual age, which she hates to reveal. My sister and I laugh reminding her, she can't possibly pass for 60 when her 50 and 56 year old daughters are around. Not to worry, she doesn't think we look like we are in our 50s! I do think that the "old media" showers women of all ages with unrealistic expectation. No one is flawless and I look at these photoshopped pictures of amazing women and just cringe. I wonder why they let the publishers do that to them. No smile lines? then you never smiled – and I find that sad. I don't subscribe to magazines anymore – I much prefer to get my style advice from real women/bloggers.
My Mum never revealed her age until she was in her 70s. When I was 29 I was offered a temporary job in the office where Mum worked: she was still claiming to be 39 although she was 54! She brushed off the comments about her 29 year old daughter by saying: "I was a child bride!"
I started running when I was in my late 30s, so I had to reveal my age when entering races. I worked in IT, where I never faced any age discrimination though I didn't advertise my age, then I moved into HR, where they wouldn't dare show age discrimination!
I'd rather be open about my age and hopefully receive a few compliments than lie about it and have people thinking I haven't worn very well!
I'm now 67 and write a blog called Over 60 and Over Here, encouraging other women in their 60s to embrace who they are. http://over60andoverhere.blogspot.com.es/
I'm now 44. After having cancer at 37 and all the life saving treatment that goes with it I am very happy to be here and have the opportunity to tell people my age. I feel better with every year. I really appreciate the role models we are now coming across thanks to blogs like these.
I don't find that many people ask me my age. Every once in a while I'll blurt out some epithet about my 65 year-old knees when doing grand plies in the center, but other than the odd expostulation, not much of a topic. Nobody seems to care to ask. I keep doing what I love to do and that makes me and those around me happy. If you check out K-hole, a youth trend forecaster ( invented the term "normcore"), they don't think there is such a thing as age. Fiddle de-dee.
I swear my very young looking father started telling everyone he was 62 once he turned about 58. Everyone would squeal and exclaim "Wow! You don't look 62!" Of course, he didn't look it, he wasn't! But I think he stayed 62- it's a sort of indeterminate age-until he was probably 64 or 65. Now that I am 59-and blessed with his young genes-I'm thinking its a grand plan. Although right now I am still tickled to just be 59. But looking forward to 60 since that sounds like a NUMBER! And one to be proud of.
I feel okay about telling people my age. Not great, but okay. I may be struggling with my age more now than ever before. I'm 52 and I thought turning 50 was harder than 40 because the physical changes were more pronounced at fifty. Everything has changed. My body, my mind, how I see myself, and definitely how others see me.
The best part of turning 50 though is I care less what others think. I feel more confident than ever before. I do feel my 50s will be better than my 40s.
Still, I do think the media and the fashion + beauty industries have made it harder on us all because we have no idea what an older woman is actually supposed to look like. It’s hard to embrace your curves and crepey neck when everywhere you look you see “photoshopped” young (and older) women.
The fashion + beauty brands seem to overlook older women and I think that’s a big mistake on their part. I know I’m still interested in fashion and beauty (even more so!) and, at my age, I now have an income to indulge in it.
I really enjoy your blog!
jayme. jaymeemond.com
I'm 60 this year and enjoy the look of surprise when I tell people – my son is only 18 so they assume I must be younger than I am. I too love fashion and experimenting with trends, being active, staying physically strong and feeling (almost) invincible. In common with others, I don't care what people think about me and I'm not afraid to be me, something I found difficult when younger. Hearing from ladies in their 60s, 70s and beyond makes me even more determined to carry on regardless!
I turn 60 on Valentines Day and have never been more excited. I have always dreaded the 0 birthdays-but I feel I am finally morphing into my most authentic self. I have no problem telling people my age now. Having worked at fashio mags for years I remember when one by one editors were fired and swopped out for younger ones. I think older women are slowly really being considered cool. I stopped dying my hair and it's glorious white and that in itself is cool. Love your blog-keep up the good fight!! xo
Pippa's daughter and my youngest were at primary school together…what a coincidence. I was once on a wine tasting photo shoot with her!!
When I published my first book in 2001, it was still commonplace for publishing houses to put the author's year of birth on the copyright page. I had just turned 30 and felt weird about the fact that my age was now a matter of easily accessible record. Thirteen years and 6 books later, I'm somewhat ambivalent about the fact that anyone can easily see exactly how old I am.
While youth isn't as important in publishing as it is in some industries, youth is still fetishized in publishing. That said, I am proud of the years I've spent writing. When I was 35, I published a novel (The Year of Fog) that went on to become a New York Times bestseller. Now that I am in my mid-40s, I believe that my writing is better than ever. While publishers love "the next big thing" and tend to have a the-younger-the-better mentality, age and experience go a very long way in giving a person something important to say, not to mentioned a more nuanced and skillful way of saying it.
I don't lie about my age, but in the workplace, I never mention it, and it is illegal to ask it here. There is a lot of age discrimination, and I don't go out on a limb to attract it. Probably if I had a steady job, I'd feel different. Nothing to do with shame about ageing.
Leave a Reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
Since I turned 40, I've been telling everyone my age. It's liberating! I'm quite lucky where I work though, as there's no way I'd ever be discriminated against for my age.