Summer occasion dressing minus the frump factor
— by Alyson Walsh
No one wants to look mother-of-the-bride even when they are the mother of the bride (or groom). My friend’s son is getting married this summer and she is determined not to go down the traditional pastel-y, floral-y route. Another friend is celebrating her 60th birthday and wants to avoid the frump factor. Both asked me what to buy. My advice: keep it chic, simple and modern. ‘Forget fascinators and frou-frou, they look naff and will add 20 years. Spend your money on a blow-dry instead,’ that’s what I told The Times when they asked me for a quote on dressing for a formal event in summer.
I don’t have any special occasions to attend this summer – though I’m always open to an invitation (see email address in sidebar). And when I do, I try to wear something I already own, rather than buying something new. Wear what you feel comfortable in, that’s my motto. Then whoop things up with a bit of bling.
For a simple summer dress, try COS, Jigsaw and Winser London. Though obviously, it’s not always necessary to wear a dress…
But, if it is a really posh ‘do’ with competitive in-laws, then my advice is: buy something you’ll wear again. The aim is to feel relaxed and to look like yourself; not Piffy on a rock bun. That’s a northern phrase and I’m not sure who Piffy is but I always understood it to mean, standing around on your own, feeling awkward (a rock bun is a cake that’s a bit like a scone, by the way). Just be yourself, that’s my best advice.
Discussion (41 Comments)
- TNMA says:
Oh good for you, Rebecca. I think the most important thing is that you feel happy and comfortable in what you’re wearing, that you feel like you. Have a fantastic time and send pictures!
- Susan B (unefemme.net) says:
I so agree that it’s important to dress to feel like yourself, rather than occasion-specific. You have me taking a second look at jumpsuits…
- Heidi says:
This reminds me of the wedding scenes in Olive Kitteridge, starring the fabulous Frances McDormand. I kind of liked the dress, although it was meant to be tacky, in contrast to the more elegant mother of the bride outfit.
Scroll all the way down if you are curious to see a “tacky” 60’s era mother of the groom number: http://westhollywoodtoday.blogspot.ca/2015_02_01_archive.html
- The Sequinist says:
I love your advice about skipping the fascinators and spending the money on a good blow-dry instead. My go to colour for special occasions is always red. Black is sometimes too somber, I hate pastels, and I can never keep white pristine (unlike the gorgeous Linda Fargo pictured above). Red seems to go well with gold jewellery, pearls, anything multicoloured, and feels a little special. I always feel good in it, so that’s what I plan to wear to the weddings and anniversary parties on my calendar this summer.
- Kathy says:
In the US, mother’s of the groom and bride (for more formal weddings) are often asked to wear a color harmonious with the colors of the “wedding”- so not always so simple. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and remember that it’s not about you….I’ve had many friends with this dilemma. Luckily for me, for my kid’s weddings, I wore gray to one, and navy to the other. I raised them with a good color sense!
- TNMA says:
Oh blimey, I hadn’t considered that Kathy. Obviously your kids have good taste and a strong sense of colour. Phew!
- Fran Mabbett says:
It’s my son’s wedding later this year and I couldn’t bear the thought of “one of those outfits” I’ve decided on black trousers and jacket with a sharp white shirt and a panama and black heels.I’m livening it up with a geometric orange, peach and black and white skinny scarf and an orange clutch. I thought it might be boring but actually looks quite “rock and roll. He is after all a musician. Thanks for this article. I found it very useful.
- Annie G says:
Should I ever be mother of the bride (or groom) I rather fancy chartreuse and slingbacks. Bareheaded.
- Marika says:
I’m wearing the Anthropologie Trouvere Dress to our daughter’s wedding on Saturday. Not sure if I’m wearing my Boden silver sandal wedges or the navy T-Bar flats with it. Southern Barbeque pole barn wedding, so comfort and ease are the words of the day!
- Rena says:
Excellent advice and points that could apply for any occasion or for any age. You will almost always feel most confident if your outfit reflects you. It doesn’t mean you should go to a dressy affair in your everyday wear and it may take a little effort to find an outfit the fits both you and the event.
Rena
www;finewhateverblog.com - Zanna says:
White hair and very short skirts is a cringe making , desperate look .
Amend that , short short skirts after 50 like terrible ,irrespective of size
OK you think your legs are still your best feature , but please keep them to yourself Linda Fargo!
I don’t understand how anyone can look in the mirror before leaving home and fail to see that the proportions and balance are waaaay out.
Caroline Herrera looks great and not a frump mark in sight. - Hilkka Hirvonen says:
I agree with Zanna too short skirt & to me it looked like an apron, plus the shirt? Womens knees not the best part after certain age, any age !!
- Catherine says:
First off–I’m saving that first photo for inspiration! That white shirt/skirt ensemble is off-the-charts epic! And the shoes…I need! I would trade a pair of Rondini’s for them!
Secondly, although I have a love/hate relationship with J.crew, 99% of my wardrobe comes from that shop. (Note to Jenna Lyons-please stand like an adult and stop with the pigeon-toed stance)!
You nailed the perfect post! Thank you! - Chicatanyage says:
I am a traditionalist when it comes to weddings. I wore a silver grey shantung silk dress and coat with wide brimmed grey hat for my daughters wedding (hate fascinators, why bother) For my sons I broke a little with tradition and wore a tunic coat and matching slim leg trousers by Paula Ke again with very wide brim hat in toning pink. I was a bit concerned abut the trousers versus dress but could not find one that I liked and that covered my knees. Having seen chic french women wearing trousers for the posh weddings in our village I decided it was a good look. Better than not great bare legs for an August wedding.
- Patti says:
Jenna always looks fabulous to me! (and she is much younger, so there’s that). But Carolina and Linda – those are my-age beauties who don’t know the meaning of frump. Rock on, fabulous women. xo
-Patti
http://notdeadyetstyle.com - Linda Boardman Kerr says:
I disagree with the notion that white hair and above-the-knee skirts are cringe making. I think Linda looks excellent. Some women get grey/white very early in age and have great bodies into their 70 ‘s. There are no black and white rules. It all depends on the whole picture, and the woman’s personality. I will risk being cringe making over being frumpy any time….
- TNMA says:
Thank you , Linda BK. I don’t agree with age-related rules about what you should and shouldn’t wear. Linda Fargo is incredibly chic and if she wants to show her knees, that’s fine by me…
- Sue Burpee says:
I love them all… especially the gold pants with that lilac blouse. Fabulous.
- aud says:
Charlotte Rampling’s “mother of the bride” character in the film Melancholia wore a completely non weddingy dip dyed pyjama suit that went perfectly with her hatred of weddings. Being Charlotte Rampling though she still managed to look better than the bride. Some great low heel but not completely flat shoes on display in this post – more please!
- Winsome says:
Love, love, LOVE the first outfit-too stylish for words. I’m with Alyson on this one; wearing something you already own ensures you’ll feel comfortable, unlike all those other poor “Piffys,” who’ll be in agonies, in their too-new clothes.
One more thing, where does the “tradition” of not out-dressing the bride come from? As a guest, you have a LOT more freedom than that poor soul- think on!
- Winsome says:
Ladies, please! For once and for all, can we STOP with this “don’t wear such-and such over such and such an age.” The beauty of getting to this age, and looking good while we’re about it, is that NO-ONE can tell us what we can and cannot wear. If we can stand up for the rights of women in less-enlightened countries to wear what they like, why do we insist on stopping women in the West wearing what they like? It does not make sense. As my Mother always says: “if someone doesn’t like what you are wearing, they don’t have to look…!”
- Rochelle says:
Outdoor weddings, especially here in California, often start off hot and turn cold as the sun goes down. Best to plan for a nice wrap. I’ve seen many wonderful outfits ruined by an old parka left in the trunk of the car!
- Poperie says:
I really like your blog and think this post is so helpful. Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts.
- Belle says:
I am possibly going to a wedding in just over a week, with a man I haven’t yet met (don’t ask!) and have no idea how formal or not it will be: I’m thinking the mixed print Hobbs outfit from your Bath in Fashion show – red & white floral off the shoulder top, wide black belt, full striped skirt? Possibly with black platforms. Any ideas for a suitable bag?!
- Claire says:
I do like the phrase ” Piffy on a rock bun ” Dreading the prospect of a Black tie do in York in July . The thought makes me sick as a Cleethorpes donkey , to coin another Northernism .
- TNMA says:
Haven’t heard that one before, Claire – it’s fantastic! Though I might change it to sick as a Blackpool donkey.
- Julie Greenall says:
I notice one of the dresses featured is sleeveless. I’m all about wearing what I want to wear, but my once gorgeous arms are starting to look slack (despite yoga). To cover or not to cover? It’s a problem for me
- Linda Boardman Kerr says:
Here’s a question that’s totally off-subject: How do I get a profile pic displayed with my comments? Thanks!
- MaureenC says:
Yes I’ve been trying and failing to work out the profile picture thing too!
- Fiona says:
I think this is a great post. Clearly there is a gap in the market for the clothes we need. Is it really so hard? Retailers, take note!
- Moi says:
Best thing I ever did was get over myself regarding jumpsuits. A couple years ago, I bought a black silk number by Catharine Malandrino that has seen me through a number of special occasions, including an evening wedding. I just switch out the jewelry and shoes, sometimes add a jacket or wrap, and it always looks fresh and interesting. I may never wear a dress again.
- Sweet Sue says:
Sometimes, it’s the Frump factor versus the Bizarro factor; in which case, I’ll take the Frump factor every time.
- Sharon says:
The thing that’s made me reluctant to embrace jumpsuits again is the “bathroom factor.” I just remember spending my 20s struggling in and out of them in nightclub bathrooms. Now, I’m not clubbing as much as I did back then, but are the modern versions easier to manage?
- Judy says:
It’s not the shortness of the Linda Fargo ensemble that is unfortunate, the problem is that it looks like a nurse’s uniform, or an old fashioned waitress uniform, minus an apron. All white can often be difficult to wear and a little uniform-like. And the remark Sharon made about the jumpsuits and nightclubs made me laugh. I hated practically having to disrobe in a ladies room stall, and avoid them like the plague now. We must not be alone, as the mark-down rack around here are full of jumpsuits.
- maudie says:
Older women’s knees are not a thing of beauty. However, trim ,toned and tanned they may be I, personally, do not like to see them. This lady is so gorgeous and stylish the ‘knee-thing’ jars and seems unnecessary, as if to prove some kind of point? Weddings? – wear what makes YOU feel great.
- kari says:
Linda Fargo rocks it. She is one of my favorite style icons.
- Barbar says:
Where can I find those black and white checked heels in the first picture? Crazy for them but I live in U.S.
- Patricia beurteaux says:
A month late but could you do something for the autumn wedding, do you think? Its such an awkward time here in Canada since the weather tends to play games. My nieces wedding is at five oclock so could be cool, or cold, wet, or quite warm! Add to that, i dont dress up ever since i now live in cottage country so zero in closet. She specified semi formal whatever that means.
Any ideas for the afflicted? Who is short? But tends to the unique in clothing. Im still a bit sixties in my seventies.
Thanks for your blog
- Tricia Rose says:
I have been wearing the same Issey Miyake dress with a treebark, too-small dressing gown from Liberty’s to formal events since (oh God) 1998, including my son’s wedding this March. Shoes and accessories change, but the look ain’t broke so I don’t fix it.
Same for my good Hobbs black suit.
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I’m going to be mother of the groom next month in California. I had no idea what to wear and found no inspiration in the shops so decided the get out my sewing machine and have made a dress that I love. Can’t wait to wear it!