Bollocks to the ‘Don’t Look Your Age Challenge’
— by Alyson Walsh
Just when you think the narrative on ageing is changing for the better… Over the weekend the hashtag #DontLookYourAgeChallenge was trending on social media. According to Newsweek, the phenomenon started when a 34-year-old posted a selfie on Twitter. While this may seem like a bit of harmless fun, it sadly reinforces the tired stereotype that being young is beautiful and desirable, being older is not. Which is bollocks. As we know. There are many different types of beauty, regardless of age. I’m 57, I look my age and I’m fine with that.
The language we use, the vocabulary around ageing matters. This is what a number of bloggers, editors and consumers have been saying for years (here’s a link to a feature I wrote for the Guardian in 2017); and it’s why beauty brands made the shift away from the phrase ‘anti-ageing’ to more positive terms like Pro Age and Age Perfect. I’ve always found remarks like ‘ you look good for your age’ or ‘you don’t look your age’ feel like more of an insult than a compliment. As Gloria Steinem said over 40-years ago when a journalist commented on her appearance, ‘This is what 40 looks like – we’ve been lying for so long, who would know?’ In a recent interview, Steinem added, ‘ Age really was a great penalty for women.’ And I don’t see many men taking up the #DontLookYourAgeChallenge…
We should all be anti-anti-ageing now. As Professor Carolyn Mair said when I tweeted my disgust at the #DontLookYourAgeChallenge, ‘Socialisation that praises women for their appearance alone and lauds youthful looks above everything else, and an industry that perpetuates the fear of ageing as a disease, we all have to fight.’
We look how we look, what’s age got to do with it? Applied to any other ‘ism’ this hashtag would be wildly inappropriate.
On a more positive note, these photos of Charlotte Rampling from an interview in the Weekend Guardian are glorious. I LOVE the styling:
More on the Age Diversity HERE.
Discussion (79 Comments)
- Alyson Walsh says:
Hello Evelyn, thanks for your comment. I guess the hashtag is open to interpretation and I am all for being age positive, confident and fierce! Maybe I should start the #lookyourageandbeproud movement…
- Evelyn Squadrille says:
My dearest Alyson you’re definitely one of the reasons I feel beautiful, confident and fierce! The articles, photos, recommendations and advice you share on ‘TNMA’ help to empower, encourage and validate older women…it’s a movement! #lookyourageandbeproud ♥️
- Yvonne says:
Yes! Well said! LOVE your post Keep it coming! You’re a ray of sunshine.
- Adrienne Wyper says:
I LOVED those Charlotte Rampling pix: bold, yes, but she carries it off. I reckon we’ll be seeing a lot of bold outfit choices come ‘happy Monday’ when Covid restrictions start to ease. I hope so!
- Sue Williamsq says:
I know what you mean and totally agree. It’s a slap disguised as a compliment. Hopefully it was well intentioned, but still…
- Valleycat1 says:
Back when I was in my late 30’s or early 40’s and out with my mom (who was 30 years older than me), some waiter would inevitably pull the “you could be sisters” line. My mom always responded, “are you complimenting me or criticizing her?”
- Boadicea says:
Actually, when folks tell me that I don’t look my age, I’m flattered, grateful even. What’s not to like about a compliment? I’m 80 going on 81 and love a little bit of age-related respect if I’m honest. I certainly don’t want to look like a model for a blow-up doll, but neither do I want to look like Little Red Riding Hood’s granny. Something pleasant, something not too wrinkled and flabby which doesn’t cause anyone’s eyes to water and, dare I say, looking just plain nice, will do me!
- bev says:
I agree – a load of total sh*te!! I DO look my age and I have got my head around that, thanks very much. I take relative care of my appearance, dress as well as I can and enjoy my life. Is there an actual point in trying to look younger – I fail to see it entirely. Total liberation not trying to look attractive to men (or women), being perceived as ‘sexy’, mourning the loss of youth. I look good for me so sod everyone else. ps Ms Rampling looks glorious! pps are your yummy slides Birkenstocks?
- Valleycat1 says:
It is interesting to me to hear that UK women struggle with this as much as USA women, where the attempts to keep appearing in one’s 20’s first took root and is rampant. Because I have always admired British actresses and those of other countries who don’t start having tons of “work” done at age 30 and look like real people, and the entertainment industry doesn’t seem to shunt them aside.
- MaureenC says:
You’re right in one sense, it is actually possible to continue working as an actor here without getting ‘work’ (and what a bloody euphemism that is!) done. Julie Walters has always been very vocal on that. Also some British TV shows like Unforgotten feature lots of older women who actually look like real people.
However in the broader sense in society we are still plagued by constant undercurrent the young is good/old is bad for women.
- Anne Murphy says:
Bev….I think I might have written your response too !!!! So agree, much more interested in doing stuff. Walking the dogs, arty things, pottering in the garden, reading. My routine each day takes about 10 mins & as yet no one has run away from me shrieking & if they ever do….so what!!!!
- Sue Burpee says:
I’m with you, Alyson. Why do people feel that age should even be part of a compliment? I mean it’s mostly genes, anyway. Some of us look after our faces, our bodies, eat right, dress stylishly, and we still “look our age.” Big deal.
I’m always torn when I see people lauding older models, ones up in their eighties or nineties for being “amazing.” Of course they are. But I always want to add that they’re lucky too. My Mum at 93 struggles terribly with arthritis. She is in pain all the time and has trouble getting around despite exercising regularly all her life. But I think she is amazing too. So witty and bright and fun to be around. I am sick of women being congratulated for their good genes, as if we actually did something to deserve them.
Sorry. Rant over. 🙂- bev says:
Sue – I agree with you – it shouldn’t even come into the equation. An Essential Rant!
- K says:
Absolutely true. Thank-you so much for the impressive example of your mother, Sue. She sounds wonderful. I was reading something this week about the danger of women being conditioned into being complicit in their own subjugation, and I would posit that the whole beauty-industrial complex tries to do that in spades. My mother was very wrinkly. I am not. Do I look better than she did at my current age, or am I more deserving of a compliment than her? Certainly not! Absolute nonsense!
- Alix says:
“women being conditioned into being complicit in their own subjugation”. Yes! We are told that spending time and money on our appearance is “self-care”. Sure, if that’s what you want to do but it’s certainly not the only expression of self care and the time/$ spent on it I honestly believe has stopped us from having time/$ to spend on lots of other things. I love dressing well but spend zero time on skin/makeup and that’s just fine by me. And agree #don’tlookyourage is a big slap in the face. I’m 50, that’s it and how I look at 50 is different from how other women look at 50. Not better, not worse, just different.
- Vivien Minto says:
Oh, that really rang a bell! Thank you. I always feel sorrowful when told I don’t look my age, because I know it is meant as a compliment – yet I feel I’ve been entered into a no-win competition with myself (and the world) without my permission.
- Claire B says:
I completely agree with Professor Mair when she talks about society praising women for their looks alone, and it’s very age related. So many negative terms used for older women – hags, crones, witches etc etc, just to make sure we know that it’s over for us once we get past the menopause. No such negative terms used for men. It’s not surprising that there’s such an emphasis on women trying to look younger, but it’s time to push back. Love the pics of Charlotte Rampling, so refreshing to see an older women wearing something fun and not particularly “tasteful”.
- Margo Knox says:
That you don’t look your age thing is generally predicated on having reasonable genes a good diet and exercise. It isn’t some magical thing. I find that kind of scrutiny of my physicality most unpleasant. It is not complimentary for me but a signal the person is probably incapable of seeing beyond, asking questions about my Elder status. But no, lets stop at the comparison of wrinkles versus more wrinkles and grey hair. I never wear makeup of ay kind and will admit to being a tad judgemental of lashings of lipstick hair dye and nail polish…Ageing well is an internal attitude and we all do it differently, the major cross section is confidence and self love.
- Christine lantas says:
Personally I’ve always felt uncomfortable when people say I look good for my age. It feels like a backhanded compliment. I would prefer if they just stated that I look good, full stop. It shows that they have a preconceived idea of what someone should look like at a certain age.
- Robyn says:
Or why do people comment on how we look anyway? I notice no one comments on how my husband looks. I usually say it’s so nice to see you rather than you’re looking good., and then I feel bad if a how you look comment is made, and because I was raised with a mom from the south (USA) I then have to give one in return. Not that I don’t want to I’m generally uncomfortable with giving look directed comments.
- Alix says:
Exactly, there’s really no need to comment on anyone’s physical appearance. We have one “friend” who, every time he sees me says, “Oh, you’re looking tall today”. Yes, I’ve been 6ft since I was 15 and there’s no need for you to mention it ever. Just say “it’s nice to see you” and be done with it.
- Michele says:
I would like to be judged by my achievements over my lifetime, rather than my appearance on the day. Hopefully now that we have video communication and live vlogs etc, we will have more of an opportunity to show our wisdom and our stories, back as it was in the early 1200’s when people travelled to entertain in person.
- Robyn says:
I don’t want to be judged at all, but I do agree with the wisdom part. Women our age are wisdom in a bottle that no one wants to open. We’ve navigated through so many trials and rewards; raising children, caring for sick and dying parents, having careers among the many other of life’s journeys.
- Sharon Morrissey says:
I sometimes think the dialogue on aging parallels the stay at home vs working mom conundrum. It is not anti aging to dye your hair, wear nail polish & makeup. I do these things for my personally pleasure.
- Caroline says:
I totally agree with you Sharon. I put makeup on because I look pale and knackered without it! It makes me feel better in myself and ready to face the world. It’s why I colour my hair, because it makes ME feel better, not because I care what others think.
My issue is with the increasing pressure to have Botox and fillers. Women start so young and often end up looking far less attractive and it’s starting to seep in to the older age groups of bloggers and IGers as well.
- Jen says:
My generation (X) is in a tough place right now, we were raised by women obsessed with weight and looks and facelifts yet we are trying to overcome these early imprints with a new narrative on how we are supposed to navigate aging in an era where there are so many options and just as much if not more pressure than our mothers were under. The message is still that we need to look a certain way. I think getting older is great but I don’t want to look like 5 miles of bad road! I want to look the best I can. The struggle is real. We don’t live in an ‘age-positive’ society, it’s a fallacy. We live in a society gripped with a collective angst about how we are being perceived and if we are aging, are we aging in a non-aging way. I have no idea what 52 is supposed to look like. It’s exhausting.
- Jen says:
The thing is Maureen, 52 looks like many things. Most women don’t age without a myriad of assistance these days. Whether it’s botox to surgery there are few women who aren’t trying to arrest or slow the aging process. The ongoing message is constant, aging isn’t ok. Demi Moore this week appeared in a fashion show that was supposed to be promoting the message of ’empowered women’ and was unrecognisable.
- Kris says:
Everything Jen said.
Thanks for opening a dialogue on this Alyson. I am finding 50+ a very difficult place to navigate. After reading this and all the comments, I start to understand why… - K says:
I feel your angst, Jen. You are being pulled in all directions and it’s not fair. I have found it helps to do some cognitive realigning. Instead of thinking aging skin is like a “bad road”, I remember how soft and lovely my grandmother’s skin was. I consider how artificial skin is not more beautiful than natural skin, just different. I remember that it must have been hard on women to be the first to remove their corsets, but eventually it was widespread. I wish you courage in making decisions for yourself that are based on your own true sense of self, whatever that may be.
- Jo says:
Completely agree Alyson. You asked sometime ago about ideas for future articles. It would be great to talk about transitioning life stages, in style, such as picking up the threads of life after full time employment, downsizing or adjusting to an empty nest.
- JoannaH says:
I’ll take any compliments going, even slightly back-handed ones! Seriously what I really want to do is look fantastic in my own mirror, regardless of my age – I’d be proud to look as good as Charlotte Rampling when I’m as old as her. Good genes / good health are mostly down to luck but eating well, exercise and good posture make a huge difference. And retaining an interest in what’s going on, whether it’s clothes, film, current affairs, but I am biased as even when I was young I could recognise the poise and style of older women. And attitude… If people don’t see we can be stylish and not spring chickens, more fool them!
- Harriet Forde says:
So agree….love this outfit, where are the shoes from? x
- Catherine Hokin says:
I get a lot of ‘you don’t look your age’ simply because I inherited good skin. My reply – ‘yes I do, this is what 59 looks like.’ Change the narrative!
- Danish Pastry says:
I think it’s all about being the best version of me, whatever my age!
Working in a hospital I regularly see people at their lowest ebb, purely because they’re ill and dressed in unflattering hospital clothing. See those same people when they come in for an outpatient appointment and they don’t look like the same people. - Wendy Headeach says:
Why are we even concerned with how people look anymore? Surely, we should all be more concerned with how they ARE in the work than superficial packaging. We come in all sorts of guises, colours, sizes, tones and textures- but we are all humans and are here for a short time. Let’s celebrate deeds not looks!
- Sara says:
Love the title! So many super comments in agreement. As one married to a man who, through sheer good luck, looks about 20 years younger then his chronological age without having done anything to enhance nature, it’s always he who gets the comments. It makes me smile as he has done nothing other than be fortunate; he does sheepishly admit to finding it quite pleasant especially as he is now in his 80s. I find it more important that his ageing process seems to lag the same 20 years behind chronology as it has kept him fit and well as I want him around as long as possible. For me, that is what matters, not the surface appearance, for both of us.
So important that those of us able to do so do not let this lazy, superficial notion that youth is the only, or at least the most, desirable factor continue to grip us. What price the experience and wisdom that comes with having lived a life?
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this one, Alyson, as ever. Keep up the good work. - Jill Brewer says:
Bollocks was exactly what I thought when I saw it trending over the weekend.
- Jackie says:
Thanks for this article Alyson, insightful, as always. I like the comments of your readers too, they raise some interesting points of the whole ageing issue for women.
As in….
Why do people feel compelled to comment on our appearance/clothes/weight in relation to our age? Say thank you BUT push back on it. What do they mean? What’s a 73 year old supposed to look like?
Why don’t men get the same comments? Let’s ask!
Why don’t people say you look well/ healthy/gorgeous? Let’s educate them.
Why do we keep celebrating older women as models /actresses/celebrities when, as one of your readers says, it’s mostly down to good genes, expensive clothes, makeup, airbrushing etc. Let’s say so. We’re not impressed. They are part of the pool of models, actresses etc, that are used, as 20/30 year olds are. They aren’t special. Just doing a job.
We’re special! Us.
60 plus and above, ordinary women, doing normal and amazing things, looking good whatever our age, dressing how we like, taking care of ourselves the best we can.
Let’s celebrate us.- K says:
Lovely. Yes. Calls to action much better than merely expressing dismay. Thank-you for this!
- Mary Massey says:
‘That’s not my age’ is a novel concept which has touched a lot of women. For too long now the fashion industry has promoted skinny, nubile and often unusual looking models as the template for young girls to follow. There needs to be a sea change in society – we come in all shapes and sizes and the same standards that apply to men should apply to women. We women, sadly, are often the quickest to judge and criticise our sisters! Something each of us could work on straight away!
- Claire de V. says:
One exception in the fashion industry: Isabel Marant. Her models are exactly as you describe them but she, herself, does not dye or style her hair, does not wear make up, is very relaxed regarding her appearance. She is a role model!
- Joan Vermette says:
Wait — you think terms like “Pro Age” and “Age Perfect” aren’t also patronizing AF? The products are still anti-aging; their marketing teams just changed their names so they don’t upset us poor old dears…
Ew.
- Alyson Walsh says:
Hi Joan,
Yes, of course you’re right: this is just marketing and no-one is fooled by it. I’m just talking about the gradual shift. The removal of the word ‘anti’ by beauty brands is progress, of sorts; but the struggle is not over yet!
- Tessa Broad says:
The age stuff aside… you look great Alyson and I would love to know where all the items you are wearing are from.
- Alyson Walsh says:
Thank you, Tessa. I’m going to write a spring style piece later this week and include all the information. Please bear with me.
- Christian P. says:
So much of this nonsense comes down to sexualizing women. Women are praised, and sometimes shamed, for looking mature (i.e., “hot”) when they are young. When we reach middle age, society tries to dismiss us for being un-f***able. The media, both traditional and social, heaps praise on older women who still cut a “desirable” figure (e.g., Helen Mirren in THAT red bikini, Elizabeth Hurley in yet ANOTHER bikini, Paulina Porizkova in NO bikini). And they are the first to tear down any woman who doesn’t resemble a sliver of her 28-year old self (will they ever let Pierce Brosnan’s wife be?) As we all know from Fleabag, women need to value themselves beyond their sexual desirability. It would be so much better if we focused on a woman’s wisdom and generosity as much as we do her looks her looks.
- Catbird Farm says:
@ChristianP – You said it, sister! Hear hear! Let’s stop teaching females from a very young age that their worth is tied up with their sexual attractiveness. That’s BS.
- Christine Cener says:
While I am not aware of being overtly ageist, I am aware that I am now questioning my interpretation of the title of this blog. Can you help me understand it in light of today’s posting?
- Alyson Walsh says:
Hello Christine,
I did wonder if someone would ask me this question (!) & of course, I’m happy to explain. I started That’s Not My Age 12-13 years ago and the title was supposed to be a bit tongue-in-cheek. I was in my mid-40s then and wanted it to say, ‘I’m not a woman of certain age, I’m just my age’ and ‘ what’s age got to do with it, anyway?’ Which sounds convoluted now (and maybe if I was launching it today I would call the site something else) but it made sense back then, became my online name and I’m actually quite fond of it.- Gillian NZ says:
I think I have interpreted the name as: ” Frumpy clothes that are sometimes promoted for older women don’t reflect my age. I can dress my age in a way that doesn’t slavishly follow fashion but cares about clothes and style, amongst other important things, as a reflection of me as a whole person.”
- Sulabois says:
Of course I agree completely with the utter distaste for all this rubbish floating around social media, and the obsession with female ageing as negative.
I’ve always considered getting older to be an immense privelege, having lost three dear friends when we all turned fifty, I appreciate every day .
I’m quite appearance focused , and so want to look my best self for where I’m at . I value glow and vitality , but think that often these qualities are confused with youthfulness. We can have them to the end of our days, it’s a question of being alert to change and working with it .
Our generation are surely cutting edge , we burnt the bra, embraced punk and so no reason to feel slighted by some ridiculous Twitter fandango.- Jean Shaw says:
Yes, absolutely. Those early deaths have a way of putting things into perspective.
- Mary Grogan says:
Yes, what’s age got to do with it? Pretty much sums it up. I see that the media is working on men now too with all the hair dye, skin potions, etc. Love the Charlotte Rampling pics.
- Jill Shooter says:
Oh, what a Pandora’s box!
I wear makeup daily, I look in the mirror and feel better about myself. The question I’ve been asking myself this last year is Why?
Why do I like to look a certain way rather than tired and a little saggy around the edges? Is it because at 63 I’ve been surrounded by the media all my adult life and need to look a certain way?
I had decided just before lockdown1 that I didn’t enjoy my greying hair and had it highlighted again, something I’d done since my 20’s, yet with hairdressers shut in back to where I was, do I like it? Not really, again why?
Do I want to look 63 v1 or 63 v2 (unmade against made up) ?
Sorry if this is a little rambling!
I enjoy looking good for me, not for my age yet it troubles me, again that voice in my head…. why?
Anyone else?- Sulabois says:
Yes I’m with you exactly , I have certain ideas about how I want to look and it’s for me and no one else.
It’s an aesthetic thing not connected with youth , just that I want my mental image to marry with the reflection.
Is it vain , superficial or what …I really don’t care!
We live in a time when we decorate ourselves with clothes and makeup, it’s a joy and the day I stop engaging it will be lights out !!! - Lynn B says:
I am having this exact dialogue with myself too, Jill! I am comfortable with my grey hair – grew out the dye two years ago – but still every now and then I wonder if I should colour it again to ‘look younger’ and catch myself. Why am I thinking that? Who do I style my hair for? It’s me of course and I love my grey, so why the pressure?
My jawline is sagging slightly now (I’m 53) and I find myself tucking it and wondering about fillers. Again, WHY?
We have been brought up surrounded by images of youth as the desirable, and it has seeped into our very beings.
I’m working to teach myself otherwise.
Thanks for sharing and encouraging me to write this and renew my confidence in being me, now, as I am!
- carole b says:
Love, love, love the Guardian Charlotte Rampling article and the stunning clothes/styling. So glad you mentioned it. I think her recent work has been amazing. As I’m not on social media at all I haven’t seen any of the hoo ha, and my weekend reflection was about how wonderful and inspiring Rampling looks, and what I can pull out of the wardrobe to imitate.
- Mrs Tonia says:
I cut out those great photos of Charlotte Rampling in those fanciful outfits myself. I liked the contrast between her sense of self now and the conventionally gorgeous young woman she was at the start of her career. She keeps working because of her talent. There’s a very good Francois Ozon film
Maybe called Swimming pool where she changes from a drab mousy character into a more confident outgoing person.Many interesting points made above. I feel we are fortunate to be ageing now when older people are paid greater heed. And the idea that one can be older and still look attractive has gained greater currency. With photo books of the stylishly dressed older people and older people on the catwalks. This sort of diversity is positive. Though the usual suspects tend to be slim elegant older people who were models or actors.
There is still much pressure to preserve ones skin texture and appearance.
I had no problem with the name That’s Not My Age when I first came across Alyson and her first book. I felt like that. At more than ten years her senior. I’m a typical Boomer who doesn’t want to retire into the shadows and become invisible. I’m still told I look younger than my calendar age. I don’t feel as elderly as I am now. I’m trying to assume my new elderly category. I felt this acutely when the pandemic put me into the frail should be sheltering category suddenly last year. I reached seventy with gratitude not to be ill. Not to have succumbed to illness. To still feel vital.
With regards grey locks. Alyson did influence me to grow out the dyed hair.
The benefits are huge. Smooth silky hair even this overgrown. The problem hair was definitely the result of years of chemical. Real hair texture a revelation and I think more attractive.
Thanks for your influence on me Alyson. - Catriona says:
I enjoyed this article Alyson, thank you. The photos from the Guardian last weekend are stunning, some people just have ‘it’ wether they are being styled by a team or dressing themselves.
I have to admit to being chuffed if someone occasionally says I don’t look my age but conversely that I was beyond shocked when a reboot of ‘Ten Years Younger’ appeared on Channel 5 last week. I’m all for people being supported to feel more confident but if the viewing sport is ‘you look so dowdy but NOW, Ta Dah, we’ve woven our superficial exterior ‘magic’ and now aren’t we all shocked at how gorgeous you look’ Message being to bestow shame. Then that sport is beyond offensive, detrimental to self esteem, voyeuristic and just doesn’t chime with the times. Appalling and unhelpful. - bev says:
So many comments on this one! We are a Force to be reckoned with!
- Wendy Headeach says:
Just to add- the most interesting people I’ve met, with extraordinary stories to tell have been elderly people with papery skin, lined faces and rheumy eyes. Sadly, few people ask them about their lived experiences- to coin a phrase. We seem to be dazzled by youth and gloss regardless of there often being nothing substantial behind the veneer. How often have we seen a glamorous actor portraying a real person who in reality was anything but. We’ve a lot to learn from other cultures who revere age and experience.
- Mary B Perez says:
Oh Women, Women, Women when will we learn not to play that game? I’m not into makeup, hair dye, plastic surgery, and detest high heels. When I was younger, could be seduced to follow uncomfortable fashion. Now that I’m 70, I make an effort to accept who I am, what I look like, and enjoy the rest of my life without self criticism. I adore the uninhibited laugh of a mature woman who feels good in her own skin. My heart breaks for the young women caught up in the occupation of online pressure to be pretty, sexy, etc. Had such high hopes for the “Women’s Movement” of my generation. I try to be an example to the younger women in my life by demonstrating the joy in just being your wonderful unique self.
- Paula says:
This is my favorite comment. Not just “the uninhibited laugh of a mature woman”, but the uninhibited LIFE! Doing as we please, for our own reasons, as our own unique selves. You’ve nailed it.
- Lucy says:
Interesting how many comments this has received. I am one of those who don’t comment often, but wanted to comment on this post. One of the side benefits of lockdown has been that I am growing out my colour. It has actually been remarkably painless as I am going fewer places and just tie my hair back. My hair condition is so much better. The last year has made me reevaluate ‘vanity’. Health and well-being seem so much more important now. On Charlotte Rampling. She did look great, but I can’t help questioning if those pictures would feature if she was a size 14/16? She was able to wear those clothes because of a slim build. While for many of us our body shapes have changed, despite leading fit and healthy lives. When I see older woman featured in campaigns, they still seem to be model-type, so not woman that I readily recognise looking at my peers. It would be great to see that change. Thank you Alyson for raising such an interesting debate.
- Martine Large says:
As somebody hurtling towards her 63rd birthday next week, long white lockdown locks flying, I’d just like to say thank you for the headline. Bollocks indeed to the idea that women have nothing to offer but what they look like.
- Angie says:
67 and glad I am still here never mind what I look like. Too many friends and family are gone
I just wonder what it is about looking one’s age that we don’t like or are afraid of or disappointed by
Sadness at losing our verve and energy? Loss of good jobs and feeling needed and valued? Having nothing to look forward to except deteriorating health? Lots of possible reasonsAll these reasons can be dealt with, get a better job, get out and enjoy life, find your passions, get fit and deal with health issues
The one that doesn’t wash with me is ‘not looking attractive to our partners or being able to attract other men’
Men love women, any women, young , old, big and small, they just LOVE women!
Make the most of what you’ve got? Being a woman, that’s all you need! - Liz says:
Oh, I totally agree with so many comments, but the fact remains that I really want to look on the outside like I feel on the inside. I hate looking older and unsexy. I’m mourning the loss of my youth and the person I was. I’m just not ready for the changes old age brings. But, I know, suck it up, it’s better than being dead, and it happens to us all if we’re lucky enough to live this long. So I slap on the youth serums, exercise, eat well etc. But I wish I had a time machine!
- Paula says:
I look at the “unsexy” part as the best part of getting older. I may still feel sexy inside, but I love not being looked at by others that way. It’s REALLY hard to explain properly, but untethering my “self” from sex appeal is SO FREEING. If I’m not trying to hang on to “sex appeal” as defined by society, I am so much more free to just be who I am in the moment. Appearance takes a back seat to life, and becomes something I can focus on if I want to, not because I feel the need to. I do sometimes see a photo of myself from years back and my breath catches in my throat – she was so young! But it doesn’t last long. I’m curious to know what part of the person you were is lost. Is she lost, or just finding her way again?
- Alison M Gunn says:
I think it’s long past time to analyze the rhetoric of the words “my age.” “I do/don’t look like ‘my age’—what does ‘my age’ mean? Sounds to me like there’s a way one is “supposed” to look at 60/50/40/30. That means that society ‘decided’ that there’s an (a priori) amount of aging one is expected to undergo. And that expected amount of aging is so set in cement that when we see something we don’t expect, society blows a collective gasket. But the idea of there being only one way to age is bizarre. I think any phrase that contains the words and a comparison of where we fit set against ‘my age’ is anachronistic. No one ages at the same rate as anyone else. “That’s not my age” therefore is self-denigrating, since it’s a comparison to a socially-defined, external standard of aging that is completely irrelevant to the individual. To say “that’s not my age,” therefore, has no meaning. What is the act of aging being compared to? My suggestion is that it’s being compared to another thing that has no meaning, society’s monolithic idea of what aging is, particularly what it looks like.
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I feel the hashtag #Don’tLookYourAgeChallenge actually reinforces the positiveness of how aging well looks and dispels the negativity of getting older…we’re beautiful, confident and fierce! If you’re alive you’re getting older by the second so why not embrace it and let the world know “this is how you do it”!