Second Act: Making the most of a midlife pivot
The fifties pivot sounds like it could be a dance. Like the jive or twist. And, in a way it is. The fifties pivot happens when midway through life, there’s a realisation something must change, a growing awareness there’s as much sand at the bottom of the egg timer as running from the top. There’s limited time to do that thing, whatever that thing is, something we may have spent a lifetime dreaming about, or pushing to one side.
In my twenties, I couldn’t imagine being in my fifties which seemed ancient and inconceivable. Now here, I feel no different. I’ve seen and experienced more and have a better understanding of myself, others, and the world. I’ve a similar level of energy and am lucky enough to enjoy good health, relative financial security and life-enhancing relationships. With much to be grateful for, I believe there’s as much ahead of me as there is behind me.
I’ve reached the brow of life’s hill, but rather than being gripped by fear and the thought, it’s downhill all the way, I see an expansive view, full of possibility. But it wasn’t always like this. For years, when the future was obscured, I couldn’t see my hand in front of my face. The fact I can now report a breathtaking vista, is due to a pivot that has been happening incrementally throughout my sixth decade.
The term ‘midlife crisis’ used to describe the sometimes confusing emotions that can accompany this time and beyond. It evokes someone in meltdown making irrational decisions, shacking up with a young lover or buying an expensive sports car. But if you exchange this hackneyed phrase for the richer, more fulsome, ‘midlife opportunity’ this crossroads period takes on an altogether different meaning.
During my former careers in media and education, an inner voice would intermittently disturb me. It would intrude in meetings, and sometimes wake me at night, often accompanied by the sound of sand whooshing through an egg timer. When this inner monologue became persistent and deafening, I eventually listened and as a result applied to a four-year creative writing degree. My debut play, Nine Moons was staged this year which felt like a real achievement. The inner voice is now silent. Finally, I’m doing that thing.
When I leapt into that taxi, to attend an open evening that led me back to university at 52, it felt as crazy and impetuous as starting an affair. But this idea had been percolating for decades. My dreams of creative writing and drama were shelved in my pre-teen years but must have remained stubbornly in my subconscious. It’s not unusual for women to ‘find’ themselves later in life when there’s finally space to think and resources to draw on. Perhaps grown children have flown the nest, mortgages are paid, and work commitments are reduced. Perhaps an unexpected redundancy, divorce or bereavement forces a change of perspective.
My choice was a creative one, but others find political or social purpose, an entrepreneurial streak or retrain in something entirely different. For those wandering around the hill’s brow confused about which direction to take there are many inspirational guides (see reading list, below). What these titles have in common is the premise that far from being a terrifying precipice and steep decline, midlife can herald a period of rejuvenation and productivity. With my pivot now executed, I’m facing a different direction with my feet on a new path. I’m over the hill – and over the moon.
Halfway and beyond – further reading:
Your One Wild and Precious Life, Dr Maureen Gaffney (£9.90, Penguin, 2024)
Life Reimagined, The Science, Art and Opportunity of Midlife, Barbara Bradley Hagerty (£17.50, Penguin, 2017)
Second Act, What Late Bloomers Can Tell You About Reinventing Your Life, Henry Oliver (£17.59, John Murray One, 2024)
The Happiness Curve, Why Life Gets Better After Midlife, Jonathan Rauch (£8.99, Green Tree, 2019)
The Second Half of Your Life, Jill Shaw Ruddock (£18.50, Vermillion, 2011)
Great Second Acts: In Praise of Older Women, Marlene Wagman-Geller (£12.99, Mango, 2018)
Nilgin Yusuf is a writer and regular TNMA contributor.
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Discussion (9 Comments)
Cindy from Canada says:
Nilgin, another wonderful blog.
A book I want to add is THE SECOND FIFTY, ANSWERS TO THE 7 BIG QUESTIONS OF MIDLIFE AND BEYOND by Debra Whitman. A wonderful read from beginning to end.
Mrs Tonia says:
Some good book suggestions here which I shall check out. Thanks for your comments as ever Nilgin
Dawn says:
Thank you, Nilgin, and congratulations! I also returned to school at 51 and, at 63, have been working in nutrition/food security for ten years. While my immediate family were supportive, many others suggested I be easy on myself and stop working (so hard). It was one of the best decisions I ever made!
Dayna says:
I think that if we are lucky a 50s and 60s are a time of opportunity, I gave up my job in education a year ago, I was burnt out overwhelmed and stressed suffering terrible anxiety. I felt like a complete failure, I didn’t know what I wanted to do or have a plan. Over yhe last year I’ve come to terms with not working, I run a free baby and toddler group which gives me such joy, I volunteer at our local cathedral doing education tours and haven’t felt this good in years. I feel more fulfilled and am excited about the future again.
MaureenC says:
After witnessing a series of colleagues who had put life on hold until they got to retire die of heart attacks and unexpected cancers in their fifties, I left an outwardly successful career in the NHS I went back to acting at the age of 56. I did a retraining in acting for camera which I’d never done in my youth and threw myself into a very different world. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to jump ship when I did (not everyone has that chance financially) as I think I would have become chronically I’ll if I had stayed for another ten years to pad out my pension. I was surrounded in my old job by other senior managers in their 50s counting the days until they could retire but already retired in their heads. Instead now when I get the chance to work I’m with young people who are full of passion for what they are doing and I’m enjoying acting far more than I did as a young woman. I’m better at it too this time round. It’s also nice after 25 years of almost always being the most extrovert person in the room to have returned to my ‘tribe’.
Penny says:
Great blog and it is good to read about your journey to acceptance of a second stage. But oh how I do sigh as I read it, as the 50s, even the late 50s, and into the 60s was quite a time ago for me. I shall be 79 this year and like you I never imagined at 50 what a nearly 80 yr-old might be like – really ancient of course. And wow, I was great health-wise for years. But I have aged in 2024 in one of those sharp bursts and so I have concluded I have a reached a new stage of my life – the 3rd stage of real older age. Yes, the 2nd stage is lovely. and I see retirement and the years of being a young-old person as one of huge fulfilment. Finally you develop everything in your being you had little time for whilst working to pay the mortgage. Now you can become anything you like – and I did all that. But. There comes a time which all the Ageing-Well industry fails to acknowledge. Age and an ageing body actually happens and is a real phenomena. And one has to wrestle with that into ones last few years
I have a blog https://frugalfashionshopper.co.uk but that is going to end. Actually I am not depressed about this 3rd stage and look forward to negotiating it. Watch out for my new blog (in an embryo stage at the mo’) which looks squarely at ageing – and embraces it!
Meanwhile all of you in your 50s and 60s, just go for it. You have so many fulfilling years ahead of you.
Susanna says:
Penny, thank you so much for your honesty and courage in this post. I did a highly planned 50’s pivot, starting with graduate school in my late 40’s and resulting in a lovely final career for 12 years as a teaching professor. Loved every minute of it, and also contracted a chronic illness in the middle of it all. So when COVID hit and I was only a couple years shy of my pension, I cut my losses and retired. Best decision I ever made: the 60’s have been a wonderful opportunity to slow down, do all the domestic and handcrafting and community things that I had on the back burner all my working life. That 2nd stage is lovely. We’re now trying to get the travel and time with growing grandchildren in as we approach 70 and beyond, because, like you, we want to be clear-eyed about the inevitable bodily limitations that will creep up on us. I really want to know about your new blog – it’s been a lovely thing to have great examples of women who are older than I, walking their journey with intention and grace. All the best!
Helen Long says:
I am so impressed with everything you say, Penny, especially this:
‘Age and an ageing body actually happens and is a real phenomena.’
It is so refreshing to hear the truth spoken!
I am 65 but suddenly feel a step-change in my body despite all the yoga, Pilates, ageing well stuff etc. I think it’s partly because all the oestrogen seems to have finally left the building(!) but feel it’s so important to be honest about the fact we all age (at different rates to be sure) and we all die. That doesn’t stop me feeling positive and cheery about life, but I think acceptance of life’s changes can sometimes be better than raging against them.
I look forward to your new blog and have signed up to your present one in anticipation!
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Congratulations on your achievements, Nilgin.
I, too, started late but did eventually fulfil an old lady’s prophecy when I was a young Mum that I would enjoy a modest career in radio and tv. Success in later life was sweet indeed! As is my current voluntary community ‘career’, getting on for 40 years now, which is not only fulfilling but helps stop me being a grey shadow amongst younger peacocks.
May I add ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’ by the late, great Susan Jeffers to your reading list? (And her subsequent books.) It was the first self-help book I read and while it was written way back, its advice is still relevant today.