What does 50-something look like? Why we need more older women on our screens
Photo: Claire Pepper
Why are we still so confused about ageing? I’ve been writing That’s Not My Age for over 13-years and while there has been a huge amount of progress made in that time: older women are increasingly visible in parliament, in the media, in advertising campaigns and on our Instagram feeds but the double whammy of ageism and sexism, or gendered ageism as it is now known, still persists.
Before Christmas an online Vogue feature entitled ‘ 6 Influential 50-Somethings Share Their Beauty and Skincare Secrets’ featured one woman, Grece Ghanem, in her 50s and five in their 60s and 70s. JoAni Johnson is 69, Lyn Slater is 67, Mouchette Bell is 66, Maye Musk is 73, Jan de Villeneuve is 77. All these women are wonderful, inspirational role models and I love to see images of them – they’re just not 50-something. I’ve Googled all their ages, something the Vogue writer (or intern) obviously didn’t do, and while it’s great to see age diversity in Vogue, this kind of superficial clickbait is not helpful. The view of a woman in her 50s is being signified by someone much older, it’s lazy and it creates a weird ‘age gap’. Why aren’t we seeing more women in their 50s? And why is age being distorted in this way – can’t we just look the way we look?
Photo of JoAni Johnson via Instagram
The January 2022 Vogue cover girl Kristen McMenamy aged 56 was so airbrushed she looks younger now than when she started out over 30 years ago… All of this age misrepresentation isn’t productive, it’s fetishising age and bringing a whole new meaning to 70 is the new 50. What does 50 even look like? Vogue readers may never know…
Kristen McMenamy Vogue cover
Meanwhile on screen, there are a few more older women than before but we are still not allowed to look our age. Rather than being recognised for our experience, ability and talent, professional women over-50 are judged by their appearance. Those who work in the public eye are expected to age in a certain way.
In the run up to the Sex and the City reboot, And Just Like That ( I can’t be the only want who thinks about Tommy Cooper every time I hear the show’s title…). Sarah Jessica Parker (56) was trolled online for having grey hair and wrinkles and not looking like she did 20 years ago. Hey, guess what…none of us look like we did 20 years ago. This is gendered ageism and it simply doesn’t happen to men. No one’s saying, ‘Ohmigod Keanu Reeves (57) doesn’t look the same in The Matrix Resurrections,’ or ‘ Blimey, Daniel Craig (53) looks a bit rough.’ They don’t. They look older, that’s what happens. We need more diversity, more wrinkles, more women in their 50s portrayed realistically on TV.
In an interview with American Vogue, SJP spoke out about her experience:
‘ It almost feels as if people don’t want us to be perfectly okay with where we are, as if they almost enjoy us being pained by who we are today, whether we choose to age naturally and not look perfect, or whether you do something if that makes you feel better. I know what I look like. I have no choice. What am I going to do about it? Stop ageing? Disappear?’
Nah. Better to continue your successful career and show the world how brilliant you are. And, I’d much rather see visible signs of ageing than Kirsten McMenamy airbrushed to look like a teenager.
Photo via Sarah Jessica Parker on Instagram
For an honest approach to ageing check out Stylelikeu’s YouTube channel. The mother-daughter team, Elisa Goodkind and Lily Mandelbaum, has recorded a series on ‘Defying Ageism and Rocking Your Grey Hair.’ Interviewees include Bethann Hardisson activist and model agency founder, the supermodel Paulina Porizkova who has spoken out about feeling invisible and Omisade Burney-Scott the founder of The Black Girl’s Guide to Surviving Menopause who says, ‘When someone tells me I look younger that’s not a compliment. When someone tells me I look vibrant, that’s a compliment. I want to be seen as a healthy, happy, joyous 54-year-old.’
Omisade Burney Scott
Image from Stylelikeu
And of course you can tune into That’s Not My Age where age and style are always on the agenda. Sometimes this is in a more subtle way, but as a 58-year-old woman publishing untouched photos of myself on the internet, I feel like I’m doing my bit to challenge gendered ageism. In a podcast interview with 1999 Beauty at the end of last year, I couldn’t believe I was still repeating the same old argument about men and women being treated differently as we age.
The fight for equality isn’t over, we cannot be complacent.
STYLE NOTES: In the top photo I’m wearing an olive green padded jacket from Toast (gifted, no longer available). The orange merino cashmere jumper is from my collaboration with Me+Em. The ecru jumpsuit is from the TNMA Edit. My own Community Clothing socks and New Balance trainers.
Discussion (44 Comments)
Sarah Cleverdon says:
It is good to see any well put together older women but I do recognise a lack of airbrushed 50 somethings. As a 67 year old the media serves up a unending diet of wacky fancy dress granny, marvellous for her age granny ( usually with surgery ) and poor old soul granny.. All reductive, lazy stereotypes.
Nicole Kowalski says:
Sarah, I agree with your “acceptable grannies” descriptions above! And the women Alison mentions from the Vogue article fall in those categories. I get really tired of the only acceptable older woman being essentially–a model. I can’t applaud the constant amplification of these exceptional women as “role models” for the rest of us.
Kate says:
That was my initial thought , Nicole ,is that these women are models so of course they fit the beauty standard and exceed it. More “real” women is what we need. It’s frustrating to say the least.
Thank you That’s Not My Age for bringing this issue to light.
Judy Abbott says:
What I want to know is what /whose eyeshadow Maye Musk is wearing. It looks fabulous – dark bluey grey. I’m the same colouring and all I can find are brown shades that are so ageing.
Jaunty JudyCharlie says:
I don’t know what Maye is wearing but I do know that Urban Decay has a range of great greys from coal to silver.
Sara says:
As a seventy-something woman, I’m delighted to see women of a similar age to me in pics, on screen and generally in public life, doing important things. More power to their elbows. A guess, but I think the fifty somethings are there, they just don’t look the way that wider society thinks women of that age look, I.e, fabulous and “not fifty something”. I say that with care, as it is all part of the ageist views and even more strongly held sexist views that still hold sway in so much of our society. Off the top of my head, the fabulous Emily Maitlis and the ubiquitous Fiona Bruce, two women at the top of their game, known for their work but who just happen to look pretty damn good while doing it. Shall we add your name to that list, Alyson?
I do share your views about Kristen Mc Menamy, whose cover shoot for Vogue was only slightly less gross than the fawning accompanying article, cataloguing a life of such conspicuous “perfection” that it made me nauseous. The object lesson that I drew for myself: stop reading Vogue!Thanks Sara! I agree with you about Emily Maitlis and Fiona Bruce ( I did a shoot with her once, years ago, she was lovely) and I’d add Kirsty Wark and Lindsey Hilsum to the list too.
PS I’m not renewing my Vogue subscription.
Martine Large says:
Great article – down with anti-ageing, yes to anti-ageism. And that orange jumper is gorgeous.
Cindy says:
I agree with you. Unfortunately, ageism exists in society – be it in the workplace, fashion and healthcare.
I am in my late 60’s, and I have (finally) learned to accept who I am and to love myself. I don’t use “anti aging” products, and I dress for myself, not having someone dictate to me what looks and doesn’t look good. I don’t read fashion magazines anymore.
Aging is a process, and I have learned to embrace it.
Frankie says:
Agree with you Cindy on all points. Yes, ageism does exist and for men too. Within our circle of friends, it is the men who have found it more difficult to get another job after a business failure/redundancy. Feeling as though they are on the scrap heap at 50 something. I am soon to celebrate my 55th birthday. Fortunate to have been in work (happily) since I was 16.
Thanks for this! I’m a 50something woman, and a film critic, and a few years ago I developed a comprehensive test for analyzing the representation of women onscreen. (Kind of like the Bechdel test, which you may have heard of, but far more detailed.) A few of the criteria:
https://www.flickfilosopher.com/2016/04/where-are-the-women-rating-criteria-explained.html#36
had to do with the lack of older women onscreen, which often manifests as onscreen romantic couples where the man is 20, 30, 40, or even more years older than the woman (this does not happen very often in reality) and women cast as mothers who aren’t realistically old enough to have children as depicted in the story (sometimes women actors are maybe only a decade older than their onscreen adult children). And that’s only in movies that portray women in stereotypical roles! We’re missing a whole slew of stories about women in their 40s, 50s, and older that don’t revolve around us as girlfriends, wives, and mothers.
When critics like me and other movie lovers complain about how films are dominated by stories about men (and usually white, cis, straight, able-bodied men at that) and we’d like some other stories, please, we’re often told that “Hollywood is just a business, they go where the money is.” But if that were really true, we’d see TONS more movies about older women, because we’re desperate to see them! Hollywood leaves money on the table ignoring us. (Non-American film cultures can be slightly better about depiction older women, but not by much.)
Shugufta Anwar says:
I think women become more powerful with age(they have more money, children(if any) have left the nest) They have a VOICE.
Society has always shut women’s voices and they don’t want it to change(men mostly) as it reminds them that women too have power and past certain age express it. About bloody time I say.
I was told to shut up ALL my life (parents, teachers, husband) but I can now express myself and use my voice , it’s something I’ve EARN’T. It scares everyone.jennifer bets says:
Having met Kristen McMenamy fairly recently, I don’t think she has been significantly airbrushed. She genuinely still looks like this 2018 pic: https://i.mdel.net/oftheminute/images/2018/10/hp.jpg I suspect her youthful appearance is more likely down to ‘procedures’ – which of course doesn’t detract from your point one bit, just places the responsibility elsewhere.
It must be difficult for a woman who makes her living from her appearance to avoid the temptation of paying for enhancements. Vogue on the other hand have a choice about who they feature and how they portray them, and it is shameful that they have chosen to hold up Kristen McMenamy as some kind of standard for over-50s beauty.
Debs C says:
I think back to my Nan (my Mum didn’t reach my age but was always far trendier than her contemporaries) and Nan, at the same age I am now, which is a few weeks from 60, and how much less pressured she was as regards her appearance. She liked to look ‘well turned out’ but bought very few items of clothing, had her hair set (although very few greys but perhaps less stress helped, as she could maintain a household on one salary and never worked in paid employment after marriage) and used a bit of powder and lipstick. No huge array of items in the bathroom or any social pressure to mould herself into anything other than that she was. I thought back to my hiding in her wardrobe as a small child, having the run of her house and playing hide and seek with my cousins, and that there were very few items hanging up and we managed three of us in there at one time and then thinking that I’d struggle to hide a hamster in mine!!
Is the real issue that having women stress about age fuels a huge market to buy ‘stuff’, do ‘stuff’ and conform to some kind of ideal that really, ultimately, is about the box and not the contents. Is it large multi-national companies pushing this agenda to keep them in business?
Don’t get me wrong, I love to dress up, wear what makes me happy, enjoy the dialogue around style, but this push to be something more makes me glad to be my age and to have grown up with less ‘someone else’s ideals’ imposed on me. I see 15 year olds stressing about their hair, when at their age I stressed about homework and trying to keep my school uniform socks hanging onto my knees.
Funny how some conversation move views in society very quickly and others seem not to be moving very fast at all…
Yvonne says:
I love your comment. I feel the same as you at 64. It’s a market that feeds on our insecurities and we can never attain that ideal. Like you, I enjoy nice clothes etc. but I feel so much better about myself now because my self-worth is no longer dependent on those things. I have closets full of beauty products from the past… time to get rid of all that junk. I love thrifting and taking care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually. How true that at 15 I was stressing more about doing well in school than stressing about my appearance. Let’s stand together and be counted as women.
SarahB says:
Well said – I couldn’t agree more, Alyson! There are (a few) more over-50 women on our screens these days, but they are mostly glossy, made-up, hair-dyed and Botoxed to look 40. I think many of us have internalised the message that society has shouted at us for years – that once a woman has outgrown her youth and fertility then she’s somehow repugnant – and we are repulsed by our own ageing process in a way which, as you say, most men are not. We feel we’re lacking, we’re not good enough, must try harder. Then we spend huge amounts of time and money, dying our hair, following complex skincare routines, injecting our faces, all in the cause of chasing eternal youth. But in our hearts we know it’s a pretence AND a losing battle, so it doesn’t actually make us feel so great. We definitely need to keep up the good fight to change the way society sees us, but we also need to change the way we see ourselves. We ARE good enough post-menopause. If we choose to, we can stop apologising, embrace our experience, our authority, our confidence, our style, our looks and our power. Of course all that takes courage – so hats off to you, Alyson, and thank you for posting so many links to other inspirational women and organisations. It’s gathering momentum!
Fighting ageing is a losing battle, Sarah, and we should embrace our wisdom and experience. ,’ We are more than good enough!’ – that’s our new mantra.
Tracy Richards says:
Thanks as ever for a thoughtful piece Alyson. The media does seem to wait until we are well into our 70’s or 80’s to laud stylish older women. So much great publicity for Helen Mirren on the catwalk. However, things do seem to be changing and it is great to see so many actresses in their 50’s (hope I’ve researched correctly!) having a huge range of film and small screen roles – Sandra Bullock, Kate Blanchett, Rachel Weisz, Salma Hayak, Helle Berry, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts, Helena Bonham Carter…and in music we have strong role models too.
How prevalent and visible those are how how linked to ‘style’ I’ve not given thought. It would be interesting to know what others think.
SuD says:
Fantastic post! As a SATC fan, It really saddens me to read all the negative comments directed at the appearances of the stars in the new series, And Just Like That. There’s also plenty of condemnation for the direction of a certain character’s love life and inclusion of new characters that vaguely disguises intolerance on the part of viewers. They not only don’t want them to age but think the characters shouldn’t be allowed to change and grow emotionally. Maybe a reflection of the times we live in. I hope not.
.
Fliss says:
Thanks for highlighting this Alyson. I’ve often thought the women in 50+ articles in no way represent me or my contemporaries. Maye Musk looks beautiful and has a style to aspire to in the future but now I want women like me: interested in style, a good idea of what suits us but needing clothes that take us from school run to boardroom to checking ageing parents to doing the shopping to having a good glass of wine with a similar pal. I’m certainly not at that serene 70 plus stage yet. Agree that Emily Matliss et al are more relatable (aspirational) to me.
I do think And Just Like That has done a good job of depicting us 50s -its a funny in between time of life.
Also, that Vogue cover is laughable. I haven’t bought Vogue for years and am glad I don’t.Bravo Alyson, for your comments and for being such a great, stylish role model for 50-somethings. I did a PhD at 50, exploring how professional women over 50 were experiencing their midlife in business. The discrimination for not being young, male nor linear in their careers was (depressingly) astounding! And so they left their roles quietly. Yet, these women were optimistic, resilient, smart, entrepreneurial and leading the way for small businesses across the UK (and broader). Women at 50+ need to be seen, heard and celebrated. You’re a big part of this, so thanks!
Lesley says:
Sometimes I think there’s a lack of fifty somethings because we’re too dang busy working, running homes, caring for elders and overseeing our kids navigating life. The impact of HRT allows you to continue to work like a drone and by the time you consider taking off your office uniform youre now in the 60+ bracket and you no longer fit the criteria. Tired and crabby, moi?
Cecile says:
Hello!
I am seventy six yo. I look sixty. No wrinkles. My significant other is 80. I declared war on sunbathing decades ago. Now I am collecting inn the sense that I have very few visible wrinkles. I retired from a 50 year career seven months ago.
Age is meaningless to me. My love is sharp as a tack! The brain of a 40 year old.
He is an ex-marine. And a retired banker. I worked in IT forever. There is soooo much we want to do!
Age is meaningless.
Love you all. Happy Valentines Day!Sierra says:
Cecile, I so agree with you, age is meaningless. Just concentrating on living life at 68 in the same way I did at 38. Although physical things like decorating a room or cleaning a car might take a bit longer than it used to, the result is still the same. Age is just a number, and if you can take care of yourself and still enjoy wearing fashionable, up to date styles in dress, hair and makeup etc then to my mind there’s no difference between when I was a young mum to now when I’m a retired granny. That old cliche of “you’re never too old” resonates with me. After getting a PhD at 58 years old (btw I failed the 11 plus in the 60s!), it felt a great personal achievement, but it was hard work and it left me with a few health issues. Following several surgeries, I am now free of pain and boy am I making up for lost time. Having just completed the Couch to 5K regime, I run 2-3 times a week, walk twice a week, do Pilates and have taken up squash again, having not played since my early 20s. I’m absolutely aware that I’m luckier than many who suffer with poor health, and know that this post is all about ME, but I’m just so grateful to have the opportunity to forget my age and just be myself! What does it matter what age I am.
Wonderful article, Alyson. Great points with which I totally agree. Lazy journalism is one of the factors in my opinion. It seems to me that the same faces are trotted out for every article on aging in every magazine.
Allison says:
Thank you for your piece. I’m 52 and love the way you dress and look forward to reading your Telegraph articles each weekend. I just had to say though that I used to see Kirsten McMenamy at my children’s school and she did look pretty great up close. Not doubting that there was airbrushing involved, because when isn’t there with Vogue, but she doesn’t look too different to the cover. I used to love seeing what she was wearing each day because she always looked fantastic but was too scared to ever speak to her!
Thanks Allison, I’ve seen Kirsten McMenamy a couple of times and she does look fantastic – very cool. Possibly not quite as youthful as the Vogue cover, but one occasion was in the baggage area at Heathrow after the red eye from New York… (god knows what I looked like!)
I recently had my 75th birthday and proud of it. I have always believed that age is just a number. Attitude and perspective towards life are what make you appear older or younger than your age. Sure, we can get photos touched up, we can have work done, but many who are younger than I am still seem much older. Many people think I am much younger than my age, not just because of how I look, but because of my youthful attitude and active life. Staying healthy and active with a positive attitude as we age is more important to me than any facelift or photo filter. Most of what we see on TV, in movies or on social media is unrealistic and staged.
More and more women beyond a certain are realizing that the idea of flawless skin, perfect hair and the perfect body is what will notl make them happy with their life.When Vogue identifies women as 50-somethings they are lumping women into a generic category as 50 or older, which is nothing to react negatively to. Actresses are not alone in being stereotyped as they get older, it happens to stewardesses, secretaries, housewives, teachers, autoworkers, fire(wo)men, airline pilots; in other words – all of us. We live in a society where youth is rewarded. The key to “successful” aging is to be happy with ourselves, to love and be loved, to have meaningful engagement in the world around us, and to have activities and events to look forward to. I have been a Gerontologist for over 30 years, and every day after picking out my clothes, taking care of my complexion, my diet and exercise and my spiritual health, I take one last look in the mirror and say to myself ‘you will never be younger than you are today – so enjoy it!’ Know that two-thirds of the aging process is based on our lifestyle choices, and it’s never too early to take good care of oneself, which gets reflected in our inner and outer beauty!
Caroline says:
I love reading your articles Alyson and seeing how you style yourself. I’m 54, work full time in a job I love and have 11 year old twins. I love keeping fit, fashion and travel and have friends with a broad spread of ages. I don’t spend a great deal of time thinking about my age or that I’m being treated in a certain way because of it. Maybe I’m just lucky but have never felt discriminated against because of my age. There are plenty of peple around younger than and plenty older.
I so appreciate seeing women in their 50’s on my screens–both big and small. Change happens in media when we take steps in our own lives to embrace our age. It took me awhile to screw up the courage to post my outfit of the day and style advice on Instagram and TikTok. I had the voices and judgments of women both known, and unknown creeping around in my head. Finally, I decided that their opinion was none of my business. I am thrilled that women of all ages have been kind to me, followed me, and even hired me. I love to hype up my fellow 50 plus women and build a community of support.
Lisa says:
I’m 53 and I love the confidence I have now although I was never a wallflower. I love pretty things and perfumes and glorious skin products . I’ve never felt insecure about not looking good enough for my age because what I’ve really discovered is that when you are free in your mind, nothing else really matters! I laugh loudly, I’m mischievous, I compliment people when I admire them, I just don’t care what people think! That makes me feel great and comfortable in my own skin.
I realize that we are blasted on a routine basis with youth and beauty but the real secret to all of that is self love and confidence.Juliet Mckenzie says:
THANK GOODNESS for your intelligent and continued authenticity Alyson.You are a champion walking the talk x
Gillian says:
Great piece Alyson – I would simply love to see 50+ women who look like (real) 50+ women…I mean, not all of us are J-Lo and however gorgeous she is, I am fed up of the bar being set so ridiculously high! Enough of being put/putting ourselves under so much pressure…
Kris says:
Amen Gillian! Did you know J-Lo never drinks and gets 12 hours of sleep a night. So far removed from real life…
The bar can be set to whatever level you want it to be. There is only pressure if we allow it to be. One advantage I have found as the years go by is to be your best self & not just physically. I haven’t looked at a glossy magazine in a long time. It’s not the real world, or at least not the world that I inhabit.
Mrs Tonia says:
Thanks for highlighting this topic Alyson as you have done consistently on TNMA.
I’m at the older end of your readers and not too worried about the airbrushing on the cover of Vogue. Beautiful slim models tend to still look very good as they age. They look after themselves and know how to look their best in terms of flattering outfits.
It’s better that they are out there than not in my opinion. The Times recently had a fashion spread on looking good over 50. Which included the recently fifty fashion director plus the usual suspects.
I did watch And Just Like That and did enjoy it and the adjustment of the sophisticated affluent characters to contemporary problems. And the introduction of the more diverse characters was welcome. I would certainly watch a second series were it to be made.
You set a good example of a real woman looking good in attractive clothing. I like the olive orange combo, one I wear a lot. Also the multicoloured trainers. I’m considering buying the olive shocking pink and black versions. I’ve seen these in several shoe shops but not yet tried on.I forgot to say I’ve long admired the personality and appearance and style of Kirsty Wark. I met her years ago at a Literary festival where she was promoting her novel. She hasn’t been on screen so much but not so long ago presented an excellent long interview with Bridget Riley in her studio. Impressive all round.
bev says:
My small pennyworth – I think that SJP looks far more beautiful as an older woman. Her greying hair and face with expression/character all adds enormously to her attractiveness.
Mrs B says:
Wow! I’ve been following your writing for years and I cannot believe it’s 13 years – time flies and it’s scary!
I still feel like I’m in my 40’s although I’m actually in my 50’s
I gobbled up this piece Alyson, and like so many other readers I loved it because I can relate to it. I work in the fashion industry and I’m still not brave enough to put my actual age in this comment. There is still so much ageism in the industry , making it harder to find work, so that many of my 50 something friends have left it.
Thank you for making us feel like we are not alone . Reading your newsletters and the fabulous comments makes me feel like I’m part of an amazing community of women who are still vital and strong !
Sue Wardlaw 
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A few years ago M&S dressed older grey haired models. Who I could relate to. Now they want to dress Holly Willoughby lookalikes. At 76 with lovely now white hair I still want smart up to date outfits but I don’t want to dress like Holly Willoughby. When will the fashion trade realise that life continues after fifty – and it’s pretty damn good.