Why superstar broadcasters Fi Glover & Jane Garvey say they’re not going grey
First the award-winning podcast, now the hilarious book. Fi Glover and Jane Garvey are two experienced, broadcast journalists in their 50s who feel like old friends to me (and millions of other middle-aged women). I properly tuned in to their Fortunately podcast over lockdown when I could no longer face the daily flood of Covid news, and found their brilliant, honest, meandering chat a much-needed tonic. The pair of BBC Radio 4 presenters call it ‘the chuff of life’ but the conversation covers everything that affects women in their 50s – caring for others, parenting, health, work, feminism and sexism – and is laugh-out-loud funny. No surprise it’s been downloaded more than 4.5 million times.
Like most of us, Fi and Jane are figuring stuff out as they go along. Here they talk about why they’re not going grey:
Fi Glover: Good Hair Days
It’s taken 52-years of follicle adventure to get here. Nothing about my hair is natural any more… I should be about to reveal to you the sheer relief and pleasure in finally being able to just go grey and to put all of this nonsense and expense and time, not to mention the chemicals and the plastic, behind me. But I am going to disappoint you. I’m going rogue on your sense of sensibility. I know what I should now be doing with my hair at the age of 52. I should be chopping off the age-inappropriate length. I should go for a more ‘manageable’ style. I should ditch all of the silicone-based frizz-easing products. For heaven’s sake, I work in radio. Ours is, thankfully, not an industry where appearances matter. Added to that, I work at Radio 4 – which, as well as being the home of the nation’s brainpower, is also the home of bad hair. I love and admire many of my colleagues but, in a line-up, you could identify a Radio 4 native based on their unkempt barnet. Everyone has ‘intellectual’ hair. Or maybe my colleagues just don’t have combs.
So this is not how my story ends. This hair story ends in an absurd determination to just keep going with the fakery. I’d love to be an old woman with absurdly obvious dyed hair. I reserve my right to be the daftest brush in the cupboard, rocking in my chair in the warm conservatory of the BBC Retirement Home for the Impartial and Infirm with a pelt of sleek and glossy brown hair, which couldn’t possibly be mine. I don’t want to go grey. I don’t want to stop ‘doing’ my hair. Since the demise of my short-lived crafting period (2006 to 2007, I blame the hormones of childbirth) I think it is the closest thing I have to a hobby.
I’m going to bung in the caveat that I do know we should strike out against this mega-industry of vanity, the one that plays on our sense of what youth and beauty is. But if I find a tiny bit of fun in the playground of shampoo and set then I’m going to enjoy every second of that, if you don’t mind. Do I understand that there is more to life than having nice hair? Yes, I do. If I was down in the dumps, would I genuinely be made happier by the purchase of another hair serum that promised, using only the power of terrible chemicals, to transform the brittle twigs of my hair into sleek, God-like curls? Oh yes, baby, baby I most certainly would.
I am proud to say that hair makes me happy – the vacuous exploration of it, the sheer appointment I have with it every day. Finding a surprising sense of contentment in my fifth decade might actually have as much to do with landing on a hairstyle and colour that I like as it is to do with the settling of hormones, of family life and the thankful passing of the low-rise jean as a thing. Oh yes, there are hidden shallows to my depths.
Jane Garvey: Shaders & Toners
I should say that I have heard Fi’s hair crack. It has interrupted podcast recordings in the past. I did try to ignore it, as you do with a maiden aunt who’s just had a flatulent disturbance when rising to her tiny feet, but even I have some professional standards. Not many, I grant you. Hair-wise I am currently a full-blooded, 57-year-old conker with subtle hints of Sheeran and the merest suggestion of grey at the roots. It’s thick, and it’s wiry. My Pandemic Head has been erased, after a wonderful reunion with the long-suffering staff at ‘my’ salon. I know it was probably my feminist duty to use the closure of hairdressers to go elegantly grey, and I thought about it. But not for very long. I fell right back into the salon’s arms, though obviously not literally, as I’ve been an enthusiastic social distancer most of my life, long before it was The Law. The whole thing was utter bliss.
I was well into my forties before I learned to properly enjoy my quality time at the hairdresser’s, sinking into this comfortable world of shared confidences after a sneaky peek at a reality TV star’s granite kitchen island, laid bare in the pages of Hello! I used to dread the hairdresser’s when I was a teenager because I had NO appropriate chat. None of what we now know to be ‘banter’. Nothing to offer. Zilch. The poor stylist would try to coax me into some sort of opinion about the style, but I genuinely didn’t have one. As a diminutive brunette intellectual I was certainly an enthusiastic Shader and Toner. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are still hints of warm amber in my tresses to this day. We’ll get Forensics on to it, guv.
This is an extract from Did I Say That Out Loud? by Fi Glover & Jane Garvey; published by Trapeze.
Discussion (29 Comments)
Wendy in York says:
It’s absolutely what feels right for you . I used to get weary of the ‘ grey nagger ‘ movement when I was in my 50s & 60s . Then in my 70s it felt right for me . Well kept grey hair is fabulous but it isn’t always well kept . It suits most people but not everyone . So do what you like . I have to say though , I remember Fi’s pixie cut when she was younger . I loved that .
LM Parker says:
Love Fi and Jane to bits … But one of the happiest days of my “grey too early” life was cutting my very wavy long dyed hair off to a length of about a centimeter at the age of 39 and letting it grow out fully grey. Now, at 62, it’s very long again and an amazing silvery
blonde colour. After half a lifetime of brunette/auburn I get to be that “blonde who has more fun” not worrying about those telltale roots.Linda Pennell says:
Whatever floats your boat! I am now silver and love the excitement of discovering new colours to wear etc. And proper red lipstick for the first time ever!
Just fro say I LOVED Fi with very short hair in her early TV days!!Lesley Somerville says:
Hmmm I’m not convinced. The cost alone would be enough to make me go natural, if I hadn’t already – that’s a lot of disposable income if you’re not on BBC pay and I know because my sister makes a good living out of 6 weekly root jobs for ladies who aren’t ‘ready’. Say what you like, this has to do with a perception that grey is giving up, getting old and saying goodbye to the fun stuff of youth – that is most definitely the subtext here. So it’s up to us greysters to show it simply isn’t the case any more. And the irony is that most people actually look better with their natural grey rather than the monoblock of dyed hair, however professionally and expensively done.
Nice try Fi and Jane but you ain’t fooling me!Great book and great podcast which was flagged up to me by my daughter who was in her twenties at the time. We both love it and one of our weekly conversations is always ‘Have you listened to Fi and Jane?’ I am in their camp and as a 63 year old natural dark brunette I am enjoying the pleasure of being a blond. If my hair was a lovely silver underneath all the dye I might consider going great but it’s a steel grey and not an attractive colour so I will enjoy my years as a blond with shoulder length hair.
Yes!! I respect everyone’s right to do what they want but, at 59, I am happy to keep going with the dye and I’m weary of the grey-nag. My skin is very pale – anything grey or white near my face and I look like a corpse – and my hair is really thin, the auburn dye gives it a gloss and makes it look thicker and that makes me walk a bit taller than my 5’2″. I’ll take an hour’s faff every 6 weeks for that.
Sallie says:
I am a big fan of Fi and Jane and laugh out loud at their podcast. Will be purchasing at least one of their books for Christmas presents.
Tricia Bond says:
have fond memories of Mollie Parkin’s grey hair from 1960s. I loved it as it was so distinctive and unmistakable. Sadly I am auburn so just go slowly lighter and lighter. I don’t think I am every going to be silvery grey. We all want what someone else has and we can’t.
Annette O'Farrell says:
Hi what a funny team Fi and Jane are. Love their podcasts and will be buying the book . I went short and grey during the pandemic…I thought it was an ideal opportunity to try out what I had been thinking about for years. However I found it depressing and I know my friends and family thought it made me look older. I have now returned to my short blonde bob and in my mid 70s am going to keep it like that as long as I’m in charge. ! Thanks for all the interesting topics, style advice and confidence building tips Alison.
Maria says:
here here, the recent injunction for women to go gray Is every bit as burdensome and wrong-minded as all the generations of hair rules for women that came before it. And it comes wrapped in virtue like most rules for women do. The laugh is going to the salon every five or eight weeks doesn’t end–when I’m there getting my hair colored brown, half the chairs are filled with gray haired women getting their gray hair polished and shined and highlighted and toned.
By now, we’re grown-up enough to shrug off most of the subtle & not so subtle shoulds about how an older woman looks. Or at least to quickly access & see it for what it is.Sara says:
Hear, hear. The “style rules” are usually made by those who look fab with whatever rule they are extolling, not for those of us who like ourselves best with a little help. I’d draw the line at anything like surgical intervention and I’ve never swallowed all the guff about miraculous skin care products but I love a spot of slap and a good tweak to the mousy mess that Mother Nature gave me as hair all those years ago. Straighteners and colour, bring them on and absolutely each to their own with no virtuous overtones attached.
On the strength of this wonderful article, I am about to sign up to the podcast of these excellent women. Thanks Alyson, for featuring them; I’ve heard about them, a great deal, but never read or listened before. Time to make amendsRobyn says:
I see coloring my hair the same way I see putting on makeup if it gives me a lift I’m doing it. Now, saying that in the next couple of years I may go gray, or I may not.
Stacia Vigneri says:
Thank you, thank you, for bringing alternate voices to the grey hair conversation! I have been grey curious for at least a year. I am 52, with a little grey hair, not a lot. But, it is mostly at my hairline and the roots show very quickly, which kept me at the salon every three weeks – a big drain on my time, energy, and money. Finally I asked myself, who am I really fooling? Over the last year I’ve felt myself stepping outside of society’s indoctrination of “youth = beauty”, as trying to look as young as possible became more and more of an uphill climb, requiring more and more expensive treatments that I was afraid might make me look worse in the long run. But the “grey-nag” can be a kind of indoctrination too. Right now I’ve got a couple inches of grey roots showing, which I am blending into my dark brown hair with low lights. I want to avoid a hard root line, plus, I enjoy some time in the salon! But I feel like I’m always on the fence about my grey, and I never know onto which side I’ll topple off! When it comes right down to it, my goal is complete self-acceptance and feeling comfortable with who and how I am, not a particular hair color. Still working on it!
Char says:
I loved this!! I agree 100% I admire those who go gray if its what you like. I don’t have hair that would be a “good” gray
and I love my blondish locks. I can relate to keeping up the color and all it entails!!Ana says:
I am 54 and I have grey hair; so far I have been called a granny 3 times and wasn’t happy at all, but I have always been prouder of my brains than of my appearence.
Wendy says:
I’m 51, greying at the hairline and mousey brown elsewhere. I use Plantur 39 “brown colour” shampoo just to pep things up a bit. It must be henna-based as the greys can go a bit orangey but it looks ok to me and not too harsh a contrast with my skin colour. Gives a nice shine too.
MaureenC says:
Very entertaining, but then they are! It’s much harder to manage aging hair when you’re a brunette. I let what I thought was my ‘natural colour’ grow out during the many lockdowns and it looked pretty bloody grim. I had transmogrified from a cool toned brunette into someone with a mixture of very nasty warm brown streaks and grey. Thankfully the hairdresser said “that’s not actually your natural colour” a summer of sea/pool swimming and the sun had effectively bleached it into something the colour of diarrhoea. So he hand painted the nasty bits back to my colour and left the grey alone and it looks great again! I’m happy to go grey eventually but I’m not going to look crap for ten years while it happens.
Tina says:
I am fortunate to be a natural strawberry blonde at 72. I don’t have to make the decision of whether to go natural yet. However Having recently had part of my head shaved to remove cancerous moles , a friend was quick to suggest to me to get a hair piece or extensions to cover the bald patches. What a fabulous confidence booster my strawberry hair piece is. But this is of course another subject altogether . I am happy to expand on my personal experience with a hair piece whenever asked.
To each her own. I love my natural, platinum mixed hair, just like my mothers.
Mrs Tonia says:
Love the humour expressed here. I’ve yet to listen to their podcast but will certainly tune in henceforth.
A good antidote to foreboding scenarios out there.
Everyone to their own vis a vis hair styles and hair dyes. I was well past sixty five before I decided to stop dye. A choice among several. Right call for me. It looks and feels better. But it’s a free choice to make.Grey nag. Great expression I’ve not seen or heard before.
Do what you feel happy with your hair.
I’m all for plenty of makeup. Every day through the lockdowns at the pool etc. Makes me look and feel better.
We do have the choice in these matters. Hair styling. Colour. Make up. Nail varnish. Etc.bev says:
All credit to them if they have the time, effort and money to spend on their hair. I am in no way a ‘grey nag’ but I am more than happy to be a once brunette now salt and pepper and find it totally liberating. Regular decent haircuts keep my hair looking up to date and the colour can do it’s own thing. (It suits my fading skin tone more anyway). Each to their own I guess.
Ocd says:
A grey-nag? Grennag? What is that? A woman who actually nags other women to stop dyeing their hair? Do they give loud speeches at Hyde Park? Yell at random strangers?
Like the word “slap,” grey-nag hasn’t made it across the pond to the US & I hope it never does, because it would become instantaneously politicized, and we’re far too busy “nagging” (fighting) about vaccines & masks anyway.I haven’t heard of the grey nag either but think we should do our own thing and get on with it. Grey hair, dyed hair, long hair, short hair – do what makes you feel good.
Margaret Ellen Makortoff says:
Dear Alyson
I note there is a bar shampoo especially for grey hair, available in the US25 . No equivalent could I find in the UK. The former is reasonably priced but costs $25 shipping thus not an option for me. Are you aware of an alternative here?
Hello Margaret, I can highly recommend White Hot Hair’s Gloss Bar ( a packet of two costs £16). Here’s a link to a previous feature on the best shampoo bars: https://thatsnotmyage.com/haircare/five-of-the-best-shampoo-bars/
Joan W. says:
I will be honest, but never heard of either gal! However, they seem to be a fun-type. My theory is “Whatever floats that boat, of yours,” will lead to happiness. I tried to let my hair go gray, which didn’t start till about 65 y.o (I know, just great hair genes!), in 2015 but I actually enjoy my hair-days every 6 weeks at my salon in Middletown, Rhode Island. I do the high/low lights of my dark brown hair and love it. Life is about having a good time, so have yours!
Beverley Torrance says:
I wasn’t ready to go grey in my 50’s, enjoyed my trips to the hairdresser. I’m now growing my blonde out at 65. It’s a slow process & I worry what it will look like despite me knowing so many women who look fabulous grey.
I might have it dyed silver ☺️
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Hilarious – love them.