A place for everything, and everything in its place – sound advice on decluttering
Antonia Cunliffe ‘Mrs Tonia’ portrait by Claire Pepper
It may just be the time of the year but like others I’ve caught the tidying and self-improvement bug. Only partly in jest, I suggested to Alyson that the urge to Take Control of one’s cupboards may be a reaction to the UK’s rudderless politics. In an era of unprecedented chaos, tidying a kitchen drawer is one small thing we can take charge of. Whatever. She agreed and suggested that I take a look at the newly published Declutter by Debora Robertson.
One of the many sound suggestions I’ve taken on board, in order to organise my time and tidy my house and possessions to greater effect, is to create a Declutter Journal (a notebook of portable size in which to record progress). Debora Robertson thinks it important to write this by hand, rather than using an electronic device. So be it. Rather than go shopping, I find a dull grey one with spiral binding among my collection of stationery. This I customise my collaging sections of art postcards on the front and back. Easy-to-find scissors, glue and cards are already in their drawers. Now, what is my overall objective? The ideal would be the saying attributed to the 19th century writer Mrs Beeton – A Place for Everything and Everything in its Place. No mean achievement if one isn’t a natural neatnik. Could I emerge from a decluttering process, be it KonMari or other less draconian methods, to be more like this? Put simply, I would like to be able to put my hand on a specific book, a kitchen utensil, sewing kit, pair of shoes or scarf when I want it. And without faff and bother.
According to the helpful suggestions in this decluttering book, organising activities can be broken down into any available fifteen minutes, half an hour or longer period. This has greater appeal than tipping all of my clothes or books in a big pile to sort all at once.
Since I started writing tasks or aspirations in my dedicated notebook, I’ve organised my sewing kits so I have all darning wools and the correct size of embroidery needles together, that enabled me to attack a pile of repairs one by one. Then I moved on to my bookshelves. Great satisfaction in finding several tomes on Surrealism all grouped together. When I go to see the Dorothea Tanning exhibition later this winter at Tate Modern I can read up on it easily and even write a review. Books are important to me, in no way do I want to embrace the Kondo ideal of maintaining a modest thirty books. Why? I have mostly books on art and design and dictionaries and reference books and guide books. I like travelling with both printed maps in addition to apps. Maybe it’s generational. I also donate and recycle books and have just hauled a bag of twelve novels (unwanted and in good condition) to the Oxfam book shop. And Robertson is of this persuasion: keep the ones that you find meaningful or useful and get rid of the remainder. I’m totally with her advice there.
We have a way to go in my smaller downsized house. I’ve had to rewind to eighteen months ago in my photographic archive stored on a tablet to see how clean and uncluttered it looked then. Proof that this is attainable. Subsequently we have cleared our storage units of the good possessions and are now uncovering unloved things that once resided in a more capacious home. Children’s toys and books will be given away or recycled (my sons are both grown-up now). It’s going to be a long process to have a tidier, orderly house with less in it. But I believe we can get there in the end and live in a more sustainable way. With greater reduction, reuse and recycling of possessions overall. The advice here is bound to be helpful on this path.
Declutter: The get-real guide to creating calm from chaos by Debora Robertson available HERE
Discussion (30 Comments)
Jacqueline says:
I toohave read Deborahs book – as well as many others on downsizing and decluttering. This was the only one that is making any sense to me. So far have been through the photos and chucked the views of ??? and unnamed but very attractive sheep! A photo box was purchased and all filed according to periods in my life.
Six drawers in the bedroom at the weekend provided a lot of garbage and a small amount for the charity shop.
Gave the book to my very busy and overwhelmed daughter at Xmas with some gentle suggestions of areas to start with. It was well received – thank goodness! And she is much further down the path to a better organised home than I currently am.Sara says:
As a generally fairly tidy person by nature, living with a husband definitely more towards the hoarding end of that spectrum, I tend not to require massive decluttering episodes as I do room by room at intervals. I hasten to add that I do not subscribe to the Marie Kondo book rule and am totally with Mrs Tonia – books are NOT clutter. However, reconciling husband’s hoarding tendencies with my neatness remains a periodic issue after forty plus years together. Last year, a “joint” assault on “the study” (nominally joint but more used by him) led to a period of rather delighted amazement that he could find whatever he was looking for almost immediately instead of after several bad-tempered minutes/hours. A review of that same rooom is upon us, or more accurately upon me; if it were up to me alone, no problem, but it is not! Despite apparent pleasure at being able to locate most things, he remains as before, with small mountains of papers and objects forming in corners.
How do others negotiate the different ends of the tidy/messy, hoard/discard spectra within the same shared space?Mrs Tonia says:
My other half can tolerate more disorder and mess than me. The solution is to go with the flow. Relationship harmony rather than discord should prevail.
I tend to pile magazines and newspaper articles up on a chair in the living room. One day when it was particularly tall and teetering Mr That’s Not My Age asked me if I had noticed the leaning tower!
Kelly Novak Montano says:
My husband is exactly the same, his “areas” are full of everything. I believe he is at a very high functioning area of the spectrum. Very difficult if you upset the applecart. But it’s easier once recognized. So the messiness is part of the lovable, kind, caring and eccentric man I married. We sometimes clean up together, lasts a very short time. then back to semi -organized chaos?
SFord says:
I was asking myself the same question when trying to fine a tape measure at the weekend only to find half an hour later that my other half had put it in the crisp cupboard – ???!?!
Gretchen says:
I love a clean, organized home, but with ADD, I get easily overwhelmed and anxious. I’ve a daughter who loves to organize, and so I invite her for a weekend to tackle a room with me, and it is such a relief. It’s not that I have any desire to keep the stuff – I’m actually less sentimental than I probably should be – but the process stresses me out, and having that support makes all the difference. Once both kids are settled in their own places without random roommates, they both know that a huge gift of homegoods from here will set them up, saving them from purchasing new, and getting my own place cleared. I will be thrilled! And, to add onto the prior posting thread, they know that, when I die, we’re going the cheapest route possible – for both the body disposal and getting rid of whatever here they don’t want. It’s just stuff. Including me. The memories are what matters.
Anna K. says:
Gosh! I’m in decluttering mode too! My house is superficially tidy, but the drawers and cupboards are (or were) chaotic. My husband’s recent death meant disposing of his clothes and much else; I coped by giving most things to charity, comforted that they would do somebody some good, then creating a memory box of photographs and special treasures.
I tackled the rest by breaking each task into 30 minute slots. Set the kitchen timer and do what you can in that time – a couple of drawers, a shelf, discarding ruthlessly. Two or three sessions a day and it’s amazing what headway you can make; breaks in between mean you never get exhausted or overwhelmed. I now contemplate my tidy linen cupboard with a dreamy satisfaction.
Marilyn L says:
I can understand the beginning of your post. My husband died very suddenly in August 2017 and I did the same as you. It was in a way comforting that someone enjoyed wearing his clothes, especially if they went to a person less fortunate in life. I am still faced with his domain of the garage. Some has been done but still much to do once the weather is warmer.
I must follow your lead on the rest of the house, those drawers that hide a multitude of sins under a tidy exterior!
Christine Jasper says:
I have for years cleaned and organized my home some everyday. I have no problem getting rid of things. I have long felt that when at times things big and small were out of my control, that my home was the one area that I could control and keeping it that way is a necessity for me. I do not judge others who choose not to do this but for me it has made me feel sane and able to cope during insane times. I do really like the feeling of opening my closets and seeing space and organization.
Lea Hodgkins says:
I am the same as you Christine – I have in the last few years gone the Marie Kondo way in my bedroom drawers which makes getting ready for work so much quicker x
Jodi Brown says:
I keep books that are useful, meaningful, or beautiful. Novels tend to go to the charity shop. I have a large collection of art, design and handicraft books ( the 1970s ‘Golden Hands’ series are my current charity shop quarry).
Completely agree that being organised helps us Re-use and re-purpose, principally by letting us see what we actually have.
I would love a minimalist paradise to live in, but my husband is a ‘collector ‘. As you say Mrs Tonia, harmony takes precedence.Helen says:
Oh no I have competition for ‘Golden Hands’! Loved this series in the 70s. I have a big collection of art & design books too. I’ve set up a library at the local art group I attend so I can furnish it with any I’ve done with and encourage others in the group to do the same. Hopefully, that way, we can build a great resource for everyone to use. I’m the collector and my husband is the tidy one so doing this makes him think I’m keeping on top of things ha!
Maisie says:
I know I’m never going to the perfectly organised soul I’d like to be , but I find the “one cupboard or drawer at a time ” declutteringMaisie system works for me. Usually this task is accompanied by cries of “oh I’d forgotten all about that ! ” A place for everything is vital for those important things like keys, documents etc and makes life so much easier. I live with a man who is hopeless about this and a panic ridden search ensues whenever he needs to find those things. I’m now doing what I should have done years ago and have started to take over this job !
I adore books and could not live with only 30 books. But that said I have books that are past their prime. I’ve read and will not read again. So I will donate those. This makes room for books I want to surround me.
I’ve been wanting to organize my socks drawer for years. It was just a mess. I finally did it. It took less than 20 minutes. What a relief.
I like the marie kondo folding method, but if I had to dump all my clothes on the bed I’d sell the house. I can handle small tasks but the clothes method is not possible.
Funnily enough I asked my granddaughter to alphabetize my spice and herb cabinet. She loved doing it. So little by little I’m finding a place for everything and everything in it’s place. Oh, I also like the idea of putting like things together in boxes. I”m in Los Angeles so I’m not aware of the British book.Mary says:
Just a suggestion others might find useful .One of the most difficult things to sort when after my husbands death when l had to downsize drastically was the photographs as he was a prolific photographer for the 38 years of our marriage. I solved it by getting 8 albums ,2 for each of my children .We spread out the albums and they each filled theirs with photos that meant something to them.I did the same and 56 albums were reduced to 10. We then threw the remainder away. It was quite hard to do but now I have 2 albums ,large ones, that I can look at easily.
Goddessinthedetails says:
My stuff is very curated and organised: tops together, organised by colour, for example. But I cannot organise books, except to fit the size of the shelf. But it’s a great pleasure, when I go to look for a title, spending five minutes browsing the spines and rediscovering something I want to reread.
Nicola says:
It’s lovely to see Antonia doing a guest post. I’m pretty tidy but I can become completely overwhelmed by a huge task so the Mari Kondo method of getting everything out terrifies me. I much prefer tackling one cupboard/drawer or shelf at a time. Several years ago I studied the Fly Lady website and although that in itself was exhausting I did come away with some tips I have been able to maintain. I don’t know what her current advice is but at the time she recommended doing things in short timeframes – 15 minutes of non stop tidying, with no distractions, can achieve a lot. I now have a 15 minute routine in the morning and 10 minutes at night that basically keeps the house quite tidy. I also like the idea of writing the tasks down.
Thanks Mrs Tonia!
Jac says:
But what do you do with all the children’s old toys and books? We have a mountain of stuff in good condition. Every kid in every family has the same stuff and it is almost impossible to give away. It seems almost criminal just to chuck it. I’m not in the UK and the possibilities here for charitable giving just aren’t the same.
I’m currently decluttering our cellar (again) and it is similarly a constant tug of war between ruthlessly chucking perfectly good items and then thinking of the landfill. I feel as if I’m constantly wringing my hands on anguish.
Karin says:
How about donating the toys to a school or kindergarten? I did with mine and they were gladly received.
Hello Jac and others. Trying to donate children’s toys to a nursery or hospital waiting room is problematic because of germs etc. I recently found a big bag of colourful plastic building blocks. The sort of thing a pre-school child would play with. A good question is what are we doing with these still !? Anyway they will probably go in the dedicated plastic bin at my local recycling centre. Children’s books if in decent condition can go to any charity shop. Parents used to bring children after school into the Oxfam book department I volunteered in as a treat. They were allowed to browse and perhaps chose one or two. We’ve given plenty of ours to neighbours with young families. I may do that now. Or at least ask if they might want them. Hospital waiting rooms, indeed GP surgeries, have little to read. In the past I’ve asked then donated glossy fashion or interior design magazines. I know I should have far less of these. And try to look online instead. And defer from buying since I’m not redecorating my current house
Many helpful comments above with regard breaking a task of sorting and tidying any category into a manageable unit of time. Frequently once one gets going this grows. Win-win. Finding misplaced items brings its own rewards too. I uncovered an unused hanging shoe rack I didn’t know I had. Perfect place to store sandals for example. And when searching for brushes for suede and nubuck shoes I uncovered a colourful cardboard box ( printed with the words I promise to be more organised, ironically) full of said brushes which I had neatly collected and grouped. Finally this box is in my wardrobe and I know where it is. An ongoing never ending process I can see.Catbird Farm says:
In the US, for donated goods: Goodwill, Salvation Army and my personal favorite, local women’s shelters.
Same here Jac. I’m not allowed to give away any of our children’s toys or books ( books I wouldn’t anyway ) and so far we have no grandchildren, though hopefully we will soon ! I also live outside the UK, no charity shops here either. I’d do a lot more general decluttering if there were.
Corinne Clemson says:
I am a natural tidy person and tend to have regular clear outs getting rid of items unworn over a couple of seasons. The health warning that comes with this however is that on a number of occasions I have regretted throwing away an item which then acquired ‘vintage’ status. I looked with nostalgia at Alison’s recent post in her tweed jacket thinking “I had one of those!’ past tense having cleared it out years ago.
As for children’s toys I have kept the timeless stuff like Lego, farm, dolls house etc for grandchildren. Children usually love to play with things that are mummy’s. So I guess my conclusion is for moderation: be tidy but not obsessive.London Liz says:
I love a good declutter and have just changed all the hangers in my wardrobe to velvet ones and the for the first time in years and now its not longer crammed with stuff and hangers with about 6 items on
But please lets stop continuing the misquoting of Marie Kondo – she never said you should only have 30 books she says you only keep the ones that spark joy! For her that is about 30. Personally I found it really useful when I realised how many books I only had because I thought I ought to read them not because I really wanted to.
Mind you I disagree with her on clothes where she says you should do those first because they are not sentimental!!!
Rosemary says:
I too like to do it little job by little job. A bit every morning, say. I’m retired so, of course, have more time. Also, during our married life plus 3 children we have moved house quite often. Which means that one needs to always keep ones eye on what’s in the house , in view of the next move. That, and never buy too big wardrobes as you never know if they’ll fit into the next house or flat. It all helps keep down the clutter.
Hello Julie. This is not a blouse but a below knee length dress. Silk from Jaeger in a Designer outlet boutique near York. Several years old. But a keeper and still looking sharp. With her keen fashion eye even Alyson likes it. Edited hanging on to good clothing for me if it fits and looks good it stays.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel quite out numbered as everyone seems to have the de-clutter bug! Maybe I will think about it – but there are so many exciting things to go out and do! Love – Jill x
Julie 
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Lovely image Antonia and thank you for the useful tips . Need to make a start my end too 🙂 x