How to embrace grey hair during lockdown
Photo: Claire Pepper
If I hadn’t already gone through the growing in the grey process, I’d be doing it right now. On lockdown for weeks on end with no-one (but Mr TNMA) to witness my feral eyebrows and untouched roots, I’d be going full Agnes Varda. One friend, a 60-year-old textiles teacher (who usually has half a head of highlights and lowlights in her naturally dark brown and grey hair), admits to worrying that grey hair will make her look older, but that hasn’t been my experience at all. Of course when you’re over-50, going grey is more than just a hashtag on social media – there are psychological issues and societal assumptions involved, too. Women are expected to look a certain way and so coming to terms with physical changes as we move from one life stage to the next involves a combination of self-acceptance and standing your ground. ‘What’s happening now means my priorities have shifted,’ my friend says on the phone, ‘ We rarely have this time to experiment and be creative – this is a good time to reinvent yourself. I’m going to leave my hair and see what happens, if it looks shit, I can always dye it back.’
But then there’s video conferencing. Another friend who works at a senior level in the music industry (shortish mid- brown dyed hair, grey growing through) has daily Zoom meetings with the global team and confesses she’s concerned about her appearance. ‘ I work in an industry where it does matter – so I did buy some hair dye but then left it on the counter in a panic to get out of the shop and back to social distancing,’ she laughs, ‘ Now I’m going grey whether I like it or not.’ To dye or not to dye is a personal preference. We all have different hair, so each to their own. Though experts recommend gritting your teeth rather than giving yourself a dodgy dye job, ‘I wouldn’t suggest attempting any home hair colouring to blend the growth in ,’ advises Jayne Mayled founder of White Hot Hair, ‘that requires real expertise to my mind.’
Fortunately, there are tons of fantastic root concealers available (if you can get hold of them): demand for Josh Wood’s selection of at-home products is 20 times pre-lockdown levels. Over the last 10 days sales of American brand Colour Wow’s Root Cover-Up have increased by 125%, while both Woods and Colour Wow are experiencing increased traffic to their instructional videos online (Josh Wood information HERE and Colour Wow videos HERE).
Last week the Telegraph commissioned me to write about my ’embracing grey hair’ experience and I had way too much information to include in the piece, so I thought I’d share some here:
Three expert tips to help you grow in the grey (get through the Badger Stripe phase) during lockdown
Be prepared. ‘ You really need to have the root concealing process mapped out before you start,’ explains Josh Wood, ‘ Make sure you have everything prepped in front of you – a dark towel, bowl, brush and hair clip – and wear an old t-shirt, you don’t want to ruin your outfit before your business meeting on Zoom.’
The two-tier technique. Woods recommends the following approach, ‘I’ve learned from our community who are concealing grey at-home that they layer up. Start with clean, just-washed hair then paint the colour on while wet; dry hair and then top up with either our tinted dry shampoo or Root Marker to take the edge off heavy roots.’
Experiment with accessories. ‘As we’re seeing very few people, it’s a great time to practice things you don’t have the time or confidence to usually try,’ advises Jayne Mayled, ‘Pinning bits of your hair back and off your face, plaiting the front section into a kind of headband, trying actual headbands and scarves and generally being much more experimental.’ On Twitter yesterday, journalist and broadcaster Joan Bakewell shared a message, ‘ Roots showing? New fashion!’
Esteemed journalist Joan Bakewell
The Bakewell Band
I found tying my hair back in a bun and not looking at the rear view in the mirror helped, too. We’ll all be wearing face masks soon enough so whose going to notice a bit of regrowth?
*Please note affiliate links in this post may generate a commission.
Read my Telegraph feature HERE. Listen to my podcast with Jayne Mayled of White Hot Hair HERE.
Discussion (45 Comments)
Amen! I agree. This pandemic we’re experiencing is really highlighting (pun intended) what really matters in our everyday life and in the lives of those around us! I’m looking forward to when I can visit my hairdresser again! In the meantime, I’m using black brown mascara on some of my grey hair.
I’m taking advantage of the time to experiment, like you mentioned, Alyson. My regular colour and cut was scheduled the week after lock-down, so I was already six weeks in. I have short hair, coloured with highlights and lowlights, and I had already started to leave the top lighter so roots wouldn’t show so much. Four weeks after my scheduled cut that never was… I’m finding it doesn’t bother me too much. But I did have to capitulate and trim my bangs and over my ears. I’m kind of looking forward to watching the roots evolve. It’s like a science experiment. Ha. And like your friend says… I can always get it coloured when this is all over.
Veronica says:
Really encouraging, thank you. I chose grey a few years ago, but can I say a word about the empowering feeling of the home hair cut? You may not be able to control your colour, but a cut or a trim is incredibly uplifting (not to mention the absence of a furry neck if you have a short cut like mine). I just bought a set of hair clippers, took a couple of YouTube tutorials and cut everyone’s hair in the household, including my own. Terrifying initially and then really, really enjoyable. When I stopped to think about it, I realize that I’ve had thousands of haircuts — and so I really do know how they go. I’m in Zoom meetings constantly, but now I feel much more confident.
Stephanie says:
I am 51 and am very much into fashion and make up and skincare etc. I dont dye my hair, it is almost down to my bottom and there is a lot of grey. Id guess about half of my friends and peers dont dye their hair and the ones who do dye wish they didnt. They dont seem to have a problem with being grey but rather the growing-out process which can take many years. What Im trying to say is that I dont think being grey or white or salt n pepper is viewed negatively anymore, in fact perhaps the opposite. It took some balls (for the ones who went before us) to go against the long established tradition of dying ones hair as soon as you start to show an inkling of aging, but we are doing it en-mass now and looking beautiful at the same time. I think your words ‘women are expected to look a certain way’ no longer hold true. Thank goodness.
Thank you for your thoughts. I do enjoy reading your blog and instagram.
I’d like to recommend temporarily tinting hair with natural dyes. I’m 60 and have been doing this for sometime.
I was naturally a redhead/strawberry blonde, and now have some salt and pepper as well.
Once a fortnight, I make an infusion with a home-made ‘tea bag’ of henna and indigo (a rounded teaspoon of each together, tied in a small square of muslin) plus boiling water in a small cup. When cooled (I remove the bag!) and pour it over my shampooed hair, then after 15 mins, rinse it out. The colour deepens over the next day.
It imparts just a gentle tint and I vary the proportions of henna & indigo, depending on whether I prefer to be more chestnut or red.
N.B. Henna alone on grey hair, produces orange!
I buy my natural dyes from suvarna.co.uk
Good wishes, SusanAllie says:
I buy from Suvarna too – I like the ready mixed colours, with henna, indigo and cassia.
Used to spend a fortune on highlights, which didn’t really suit my mid to dark brown hair, then developed a bad allergy. Gave up hairdressers altogether, re-discovered natural dyes, (henna popular in my youth) and grew hair. At nearly 62, it’s well below waist length. Natural dyes don’t completely cover the grey, but I’m fine with that. Another plus, is the excellent shiny condition, and colour fades rather than growing out.
Kathleen Doherty says:
I was hoping to go gray during this interesting time but found out that my almost black hair is not near half way gray,
Salt and pepper looks great on a guy, on me not so much. So when my hairdresser called with a “pick up your hair color and directions and do it yourself” from her salon I was all in. She made an appointment then had a bag with our name on in it with everything we needed to do the job on a table by the door of her salon; We left our payment on the table. A great social distancing acceptable alternative. The entertainment started when my husband helped me do the back of my head. It looks great from the front and the back, who knows, what I can’t see doesn’t bother me at this point.Pink Azalea says:
I grew my hair out in my early 40’s. If you think about it, the head is round-ish, with the hair at the nape having the shortest length to grow out. My hair was shoulder length and after a few months, I had it cut into a chin length bob. I never did have a skunk stripe, but I would think a good colorist could help ease the process (when salons can re-open). I’ve never regretted it and get more compliments now than I ever did before. Alyson your hair is so pretty. For anyone thinking about it, this is a good time to do it.
Maureen L says:
I did the same in my 40s after years of colouring and covering up the grey. Hairdresser put lighter and lighter streaks in it then stopped and by then it was back to my new natural colour which was white! So I’ve been white for about 10 years. Love it and get so many compliments in fact when I’m at the hairdressers women ask to have theirs coloured like mine! I’m proud of my age (60) especially as I had a heart attack just before lock down started so that put things in perspective as it was a real shock. I’ve got a low BMI, am vegetarian and have never smoked so I thought it was bit unfair. I should’ve eaten more chocolate and drunk more wine! My attitude is that wrinkles just show you’ve lived well and laughed a lot!
MaureenC says:
Very useful piece Alyson. Its a minor issue compared to all the serious stuff happening that affects our mortality and livelihoods but at the moment I’m hating looking in the mirror. Even worse I’ve just done a five day actors self taping course so I’ve seen how grim it looks in glorious technicolour!
I’m coming to terms with eventually needing to see a sheep shearer as my hairdresser will certainly recoil when he sees my attempts at cutting my own fringe. It’s not roots that are troubling me but the fact that my hair has gone a peculiar faded sh*t brown colour which is awful with my colouring. There still isn’t enough “grey” to go grey. If I do let it go I’ll need to get new head shots and instantly be in the granny category for jobs.Dodo says:
Please share info regarding the beautiful crossbody bag you are wearing. It’s perfection!
maudie says:
That was my question too – good job I read down all the comments properly!!!! That is one very gorgeous bag!
Nicola says:
Interesting timing as about half an hour before this email popped into my inbox I had spoken with my hairdresser and got her advice on a home colouring kit to buy, gone online and bought it. I have been vaguely dithering about going grey for a couple of years but lockdown has made me realise I really don’t want to. Or maybe I just don’t want to be forced into the decision. I understand hairdressers being wary of amateur dyes but we might not be able to return to normal for 6 months or more – especially those of us with other health concerns. I’ve also bought some deep moisturising treatments to help condition my hair in the absence to a good trim. Next stop will be some experimentation with slides and hair grips as I don’t think I am up to cutting my own hair. Wish me luck!
Jill shooter says:
I stopped the highlights 18 months ago, many friends are now having this same conversation.
Me? I have short hair and am wondering how to keep it in shape!
Any ideas without going the full pudding bowl look?Hilary says:
I am 71 and stopped colouring my hair 4 years ago. I love my grey hair.
I think you need a good cut (I travel down from Yorkshire to see my Covent Garden hairdresser two or three times a year -he will be in for a shock next time I visit!)
And it needs to be in good condition so conditioner and/or oil every time I wash it. The White Hot hair range is lovely.
Corinne Clemson says:
I went grey some time ago and I really haven’t found it to be ageing either, quite the opposite really. My main (1st world concern!) right now is coping with my pixie cut which really does rely upon frequent cutting to keep it in shape – perhaps an article on hats might be useful Alyson, for all those Zoom and Houseparty moments!
Annefb says:
Aveda Colour Conditioner Clove is my ‘I can’t do without’, for dark/greying hair. It stops my hair looking faded and just adds enough subtle colour without hiding the grey to look natural. I’ve been using it for over 20 years.
Ana says:
Alyson: I started to go grey a few years ago because you gave me the courage; you are a beautiful and successful woman who didn’t need to look other than herself. At my age ( 52 ) I value self esteem and freedom above anything else.
Ana says:
Anticipating our lockdown, I went to the drugstore and bought two bottles of coloring a month ago. I used one but might not use the second bottle for a while. Since I’m teaching remotely, I don’t feel the pressure to maintain my usual look. I’m enjoying letting my hair grow and might not go back to my very short hairstyle afterwards. Time to institute a change!
Nettie Kingswood says:
I stopped colouring my hair at 50 after my mother died and I realised I had never known her without hair colour. I’m 63 now and sadly it hasn’t become the sparking silver mane I had hoped for. It’s lovely at the front but still quite dark at the back.
No matter. Grey hair is a privilege denied to many. I wear my grey hair with pride. It is who I am.Ruth ( please only print 1st name) says:
Wonderful reminder – ( grey hair is a privilege denied to many) thank you Nettie. I stopped dying my hair when I met my lovely husband who loves my greys! I am learning to accept & love them too.
Chris says:
I dye.
I too have had several zoom conferences during the lockdown and my solution for the conferences, also when I walk to the mailbox etc. is a baseball cap. But when I go to the grocery store or the pharmacy and I’m wearing my baseball cap, my sunglasses and my mask I look like a bank robber. But so does everybody else!Liz Davey says:
Embraced grey some years ago in my early fifties as my hair had been a very dark brown and I got fed up with the inevitable badger stripe, and having been so dark had no desire to go ‘blonde’. I’ve never looked back, but I’ve always found other people’s assumptions both amusing and irritating in equal measures. In the carefree travel days of a few weeks ago, it is surprising how many people saw grey and assumed old and offered up their seat on the tube, or asked if a concessionary price is needed … needless to say I don’t take advantage of either.
Anne Murphy says:
Best thing I ever did, my expected grey is silver, shoulder length & in Vg nick!! I wear it tied back a lot of the time, although for my son’s wedding itvwas Loose & I wore a wide Alice band with a ‘diamond’ Art Deco brooch pinned on it.I use a light facial tan, funky earrings, ‘cool’ glasses (I’m told) and when leaving the house….even walking the dog, red lippie.,
LMG says:
Am dithering about colouring my hair, have about 2 cms of white now and it looks like quite a nice colour. I also have a box of dye but I think I’m going to leave it until home working stops and see how I feel. One thing that’s helping with the videoconferencing is a really wide hairband – it totally covers everything from the front (I try not to look at the back!)
Dominique says:
Great article. I feel that there is no better time to try out this gray grow out than right now. I have been going to the salon to have my hair colored every four weeks for several years now, so the gray is really creeping in. My salon also offers root color kits, but I just can’t be bothered. Who is going to notice except for me and my husband (and he’s fully gray so he can’t say anything!). Most of my work conference calls are without video, but when we do use video, who is going to see my roots? I can’t see my co-workers roots on the screen. I know once I can go to the salon again, I will be getting color, but for now I am going to just see what happens. It’s kind of fun.
Angela Kennedy says:
About the only thing I’m not worried about in these turbulent times is my grey hair !
I miss my regular trim but have never, ever coloured my hair and went gradually grey some 20 years ago , so it was no sudden surprise shock.
On the subject of clippers; they are impossible to get right now, and I def won’t go near them but my husband is determined (when the ones we ordered a month ago finally arrive) to give them a go , he is beginning to look like a white haired mad professor.
A word of friendly advice, if you do use a purple shampoo (there are many for lifting grey hair), do be careful to wash it out properly, once a residue was left on my scalp by a junior hair assistant , causing me to imagine I had a rare scalp affliction …. panic over when I realised , it simply was not rinsed out properly !Thank goodness I let my salt and pepper (more pepper and salt) grow in a couple of years’ ago! Don’t think I will ever be properly Glorious Grey but now that I see all my friends flapping around in panic regarding their haircuts/colours/tints/highlights etc etc I am so glad that I did. Fortunately I had my too-long hair (it was looking a little bit like Mad Woman in the Attic) cut into a longish bob in January. So a greyish, longish bob affair which should hopefully see me through until lockdown eases at which point I may have started to look like the madwoman again! (I could well be a mad woman by then so the hairdo should do nicely!).
I’m not concerned about my hair colour. I’ve been “aging with grayce” as I like to call it for a long time already, but I made a grave error in mid February. I decided to have my curly shoulder length hair cut much shorter. Bad timing! Very bad timing! When it was long, I could do as you suggest and put it in a bun when I got tired of it. Now, however, I can’t do that and it’s becoming a coronavirus disaster. I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to grow it out again or pick up a pair of scissors!
Brenda Cahill says:
Great article. I took the plunge and let my hair grow out. Am 76 and love my silver hair. Had been coloring since 16 I feel liberated!
Goddessinthedetails says:
I wish I was fully grey – I have just have a few sprinkles in my very dark Eurasian hair and I was travelling to London every two/three months to have it balayaged. However, the lockdown, and catching a video with someone called Michele Wang has made me realise I quite like the sprinkles and quite like it longer. So at the least it will be longer between appointments for me going forwards. I wonder if we’ll all be a lot more discerning in our spending after lockdown is over?
Penny Follows says:
I toyed with the idea of going grey for a year before I took the plunge. My longtime hairdresser was very dismissive and to.d me that it would age me. But then he went to work at another salon and I looked for a more sympathetic hairdresser. So, here I am, almost 2 years on with my natural hair colour, and I love it! Does it make me look older? No, I don’t think it does. To quote a younger friend ‘it’s really cool to have grey highlights’!
Linda Hoffman says:
I am 62..and let my hair go grey 2 years ago.. I was tired of my travel schedule and life revolving around trips to the stylist to cover the roots that were showing again in two weeks. Then I saw Mia Farrow and Gloria Steinem in an interview and was struck by how ridiculous they looked with their dyed hair and decided it was time to go for it. My grey came in really silvery and shinny…and I have my stylist emphasize this. The color compliments my skin…and my husband loves it so much he would be crushed if I ever colored it again.
If you don’t want to live through the grow out process have your stylist dye it grey for you. There are so many young women who are dying their hair grey these days that lots of good stylists know exactly how to do this. It took a few hours to get the job done..but then it grew out without looking terrible and my stylist did fun things like blue/silver washes to cover the brown, etc while in process. I still play around with color…but now my base is grey instead of brown…and to me its a whole lot more fun. Like another commenter if your current stylist doesn’t support your desire to go grey find a new one. I did.
Cate says:
Hello Alyson
I took the plunge when I was 45 over a decade ago when NO ONE was grey. I had been colouring my hair black at salons since my very early twenties – the joy of having black hair is the early grey (many thanks to my father and paternal grandmother…). I reached that stage where I was over toxic chemicals and the “sparklers” emerging after weeks. I was figured if Sarah Harris could – then I could as well.I remember very clearly getting second glances from the sisterhood in the streets as if I was somehow letting down the side. I remember being told to colour my hair by “helpful” shop assistants in Barneys in NY. I never saw anyone my age with grey hair but it just felt right and so liberating to have my first short hair cut after persevering. The two nos at that time – grey AND short hair.
What changed for me – to be honest until that point most people would say to me “NO you arent x age!” and after I dont think I ever heard that again. However I owned it, never regetted it (albeit that I probably took the plunge a decade too soon) but I felt bold and ME.
My advice is to dive deep…. I can now walk down my street on any day and see fellow grey hair enthusiasts.
2020 is a crazy year (the most positive comment I can utter) where a thousand boppie pins on zoom and hats or beanies for the walk will get you to the other side. Perserve and then enjoy!
CateMrs Tonia says:
Fortunately I followed Alyson’s example and started to grow out my semi-permanent dyed hair when I started to be a regular reader of TNMA. It took two plus years with snips to the ends every six or so weeks. I’m very glad I took the plunge when I did, second half of my sixties. Now my hair is a very manageable texture than ever before, easier to style and straighter. How would have known these benefits in addition to the money saved. In the interim I used Wow root touch up product from a hair salon (I also used on my greying eyebrows). Non-irritant and easy to do.
I still don’t have a head of lovely white hair, it’s salt and peppery with lighter streaks around the hairline and face. Which is all fine. I pin back the front bits with hair clips I bought at Claire’s accessories. This is to keep me touching my face to brush it out of the way. Hair is longer now but looks better.
I don’t feel I look older like this and am enjoying better hair texture and styling than previously. I recommend Living Proof Perfect hair day products and their Restore hair mask and conditioner. Pricey but best I’ve tried ever. I haven’t needed purple shampoo. I bought some but didn’t like how my hair felt. So abandoned its use. Good luck to everyone experimenting with growing dye out. A lot of the anxiety comes from one’s own perception of how “old” one will look. Looking less old can be counterbalanced with makeup, jewellery and dressing well in flattering colours.LucyKate says:
Great article, thank you! Just a question – does anyone have any tips as to what I could ask a hairdresser to do when I can eventually return to a salon? I’m 54, my hair is dyed a mid brown with fine highlights and low lights. I now have my grey coming through – like many people I haven’t seen my true hair colour for probably 20+ years! My true colour seems to be a mix of salt and pepper and some parts a more distinct grey/white. I’d love to embrace the full on grow out to grey but would like to blur the line as it grows with something a bit more than a root coverup – I don’t think I mind the roots but will mind the line. In other ladies experience what have you all done? Should I have a mix of highlights put through the lower part of my hair as it grows? My hair is a shoulder length bob, my face is round so a short haircut isn’t great on me. I’m slightly scared by all this, but think it’s such a great thing to do – my husband says it will look fab (or is he thinking about the ridiculous amount of money I spend on my hair!) and my daughter say’s “mum what the h*** are you thinking! There’s lots of fab pictures of very stylish grey haired ladies – will I be one of them or just look like my Granny? Any advice welcome
You sound a bit like me 8 months ago. I was really fed up with the colouring process and I never saw other women and thought “oh that dyed hair really suits them” so decided to take the plunge. My hairdresser was very supportive and initially did full head very blonde highlights which she then toned/coloured grey. On the 2 subsequent visits (2 & 4 months after) she did a few “sprinkled blonde/grey highlights to cover the join from the original highlights and now the untouched natural colour is growing out and is 2-3cm long. Thanks to the previous highlights I never had a “skunk stripe” and it’s more of an ombré appearance. I expected it to be a little traumatic but it hasn’t been at all and oddly I get loads of compliments about the colour which I never had before. I’m very into style and fashion so kept thinking about Sarah Harris and Caroline Labouchere (I wish 🙂 ) to keep my spirits up. I also feel it suits me better than the dye job. You mentioned your daughter but luckily mine keeps telling me it’s great and my youngest son thinks it’s fab – says I should have done it years ago ! One thing that has really helped is shampoo called “Milkshake”. It really takes away any yellow tones and is much more effective that any other product I’ve used including “White Hot Hair” or L’Oreal purple shampoo. My hair, like yours is a long(ish) bob. Go for it, there’ll never be a better time and you can always re-dye it if you don’t like it. Good luck!
Stella says:
I have wanted to take the plunge to gray for years. Last week and after much persuasion my husband shaved my hair to about a 3/4 it is now returning to grey quite rapidly I am delighted with the result and know when I get a proper cut that decision to use lockdown for this has liberated me from a burden.
Gabrielle Sichel says:
Re: going grey. I am 70 and very conflicted about the whole going grey thing. I am tired of going every 5/6/weeks pre lockdown. My stylist uses Goldwell non ammonia color that gradually fades out. I’m torn and I realize this is a tad neurotic, considering all that’s going on. I have curly hair, and now a badger streak in front and white side burns. My roots are coming in dark brown. ( my natural color) with grayish white streaks. My stylist has used a a mixture a reddish-brown that is softer than my natural color. There are so many important things to focus on and here I am stuck . Sometimes it’ seems like a moral issue to ‘color’ your hair- a repudiation of the natural process of aging.
Kin 
Dianne 
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Thanks for writing this. It helps to be reminded others are going through the same thing…and how insignificant it is in the whole scheme of life!