FOGO (Fear Of Getting Old) is a thing
We live in an ageist society so of course people are bound to experience Fear of Getting Old (FOGO). I hadn’t seen this acronym until a feature in the Observer towards the end of last year, but I’m well aware of the discrimination that exists. The lack of employment opportunities, the financial inequalities created by the rise in state pension age for women born in the 1950s (read about the WASPI campaign HERE), the high cost of renting, and more. Ageing does have its challenges, according to a report by the Centre for Ageing Better ‘more people are living with major illnesses and disabilities’ and ‘people aged 60-64 have the highest poverty rates among adults of any age.’ The fear is real.
Alongside the economic and social realities, we have to put up with the media and beauty industry’s tiresome championing of ‘ageless’ female celebrities, women who look like they haven’t aged at all. This isn’t progress, it’s just reinforcing ridiculous beauty standards. The overall message being, it’s fine to be 50, 60, 70, 80 just as long as you look as smooth-faced as Jennifer Aniston/ Jane Fonda / delete as applicable.
Recent reports on the rise of children – and I am talking teenagers and younger girls – buying into anti-ageing products and skincare regimes (not to mention women in their twenties having Botox, fillers and cosmetic tweakments) is quite frankly depressing. According to CNN, the hashtag #antiageing has 7.4 billion views on TikTok.
There’s a Barbara Ellen feature ‘Why are our children obsessed with anti-ageing?’ HERE.
Andi Oliver on the L’Oréal Paris You magazine cover
At the end of last year I attended a L’Oréal panel discussion with Helen Mirren, Andi Oliver and the make-up artist Val Garland. The latest campaign had just launched and the mega-beauty brand centred it around the ‘ You look great for your age’ debate. The event was buzzy and I loved what Andi Oliver had to say, and her punk attitude, ‘ I’m 60 and I’ve been all those other ages, all those women are saved inside me. We conflate the word ‘ old’ with decay but the older I’ve got the more successful I’ve become. I feel more visible now and I’m happy to take up that space. I feel powerful now.’
Showbiz sparkle aside, I think (hope) the majority of people ditched the phrase ‘you look great for your age’ years ago, and so including the entire back-handed compliment in the advert feels like a false positive. In a Psychology Today feature, the author suggests that this is one of ‘the five ageist things people need to stop saying’, so even the shortened phrase with the offending words crossed out perpetuates the ageist stereotype, in order to sell product. Nice try, L’Oréal but maybe come up with another advertising slogan.
Photo: Sarah Brick
If we had more older women working in advertising it would help. Author and founder of the Uninvisibilty project, Jane Evans has over-30 years experience in advertising and in a recent interview stated,’ Only 6% of the ad industry are over-50. There is a belief that advertising is supposed to be young and sexy. It’s not. Advertising is supposed to be on the edge of popular culture. If it was, it would recognise the most valuable audience has been on that edge for a very long time. But the ‘young and sexy’ advertising industry has lost the majority of its highly experienced workforce who understand the power and opportunities of midlife women and know how to sell to them.’
Image courtesy of the Wellcome Collection
The Cult of Beauty Exhibition at the Wellcome Collection ( until 28 April 2024) focuses on beauty ideals across different eras and cultures. Taking into consideration how status, health, age, race and gender have influenced what we perceive as beautiful. From the smallish section on age, the etching above, attributed to J. Falck after B.Strozzi (date between 1600 and 1699), is accompanied by a caption explaining that ‘European visual culture has historically linked ageing in women with diminishing beauty by juxtaposing their maturing features with symbols of youthfulness and fertility.’ In this case the older woman looking in the mirror is surrounded by two younger women, blooming flowers and feathers.
The caption adds, ‘This tacit connection between reproductive value and attractiveness continues today.’ But ends with a better interpretation of the artwork, ‘ The intended message of this imagery was likely to mock the central figure as a ‘lustful old woman’, inappropriately concerned with her appearance. However, we can alternatively read it as a self-assured woman taking pleasure in the beauty of her post-menopausal body.’
Maggi Hambling wearing Dunhill at Frieze London
The last few months has seen a sprinkling of older women grabbing headlines: 88-year-old Maggie Smith went viral in the Loewe campaign, 78-year-old Maggi Hambling rocked up to Frieze Art Fair wearing Dunhill (I bet Maggi Hambling isn’t scared of anything), 77-year-old Harriet Walter discussed her extensive career and told Vogue, ‘ Fear is the root of all evil,’ and 79-year-old Diana Ross will be coming out this spring in the Saint Laurent campaign.
The more we see realistic images of successful, confident older women, the more chance we have of changing the FOGO narrative. As the journalist, maths teacher and co-founder of Now Teach, Lucy Kellaway stated in a Financial Times feature on age discrimination in the workplace, ‘ Our blindness to ageism is particularly puzzling as it is a prejudice against our future selves.’
There’s a feature on the Happy Truths of Getting Older (and taming the fear) HERE.
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STYLE NOTES
First outfit photo:
My own APC coat (bought two years ago; similar HERE and HERE). The jeans are second-hand APC. The HeatTech T-shirt is from a previous partnership with Uniqlo. The fair isle tank top was a gift from Brora (now reduced in the sale). And the tailored jacket is a very old Margaret Howell.
Second outfit photo:
My OLD sweatshirt is from the latest collaboration with Dandy Star. See the full That’s Not My Age Edit HERE. And the tweed jacket was a gift from Jigsaw (last year so availability is limited. Similar HERE).
Discussion (35 Comments)
Oh, thanks for this, Alyson. I love that photo of Maggie Hambling. I just did a post on my lifelong love for menswear… or the closest thing I could find that fit. I kept thinking of Charlotte Rampling walking the runway last year in Paris. And how great older women look in menswear-inspired clothes.
I get so tired of the “age positive” or “anti-aging” message being touted by articles which feature, like you said, photos of women who look untouched by age. Like all the ballyhoo about Vogue’s “Greatest of All Time” issue last September with Linda, Cindy, Christy, and Naomi photoshopped to within an inch of their lives on the cover. What the heck was that all about? So disappointing.
Thanks for carrying the torch for so many years. xoxPatrish says:
I have been speaking up when I am put off by subtle comments. As in when my doctor greets me with a HELLO YOUNG LADY, I smile and say, ‘you got half of that right’. It goes on and on. I especially hate the ‘for your age’ and greet that in many different ways.
Anyway, Amen to your blog and everyone interested in the pleasures of aging must read this: https://thischairrocks.com/Cindy from Canada says:
Hi Patrish, I read that book . A great read, and thank you for mentioning it in your comment.
You are so right to speak up, Patrish and Cindy. We have to change outdated attitudes around ageing, the language and phrases used – when people think they’re giving a compliment and it’s more like an insult…
And, yes to This Chair Rocks; I featured Ashton Applewhite’s book on TNMA when it came out.Yes you did! I’m sure you were my source for that fabulous book. I took it out of our library and then ordered a copy to remind me that I am not alone. Thanks, Alyson.
Fantastic! That’s so good to hear.
Debs C says:
Oh, this is a subject that I encounter every single day! I work full time, at age 61, supporting housing association’s residents into employment and training, ranging in age from 16 to infinity and beyond! Ageism is rife in the workplace and often to the detriment of industry, with many people chosing not to work due to the narrative that old is obselete and believe me, the opposite is true! The Centre for Ageing Better has launched The Age Without Limits campaign, in the UK. Worth checking it out. Thank you for highlighting this issue, one that I battle with constantly.
Elizabeth A says:
I recently retired from publishing, having been a publisher and a literary agent and I’m bound to say that book publishing is very ageist. From the age of forty, publishing ‘lets go’ of editors and designers, ever on the search for new young staff. We might ask ourselves why the business has such a strong focus on new young writers – with a distinct lack of emphasis on older, experienced writers (many of whom have been dropped by their publishers) and indeed new older writers.
It’s not just the worlds of fashion and beauty that need to change…
Elizabeth
Thanks Elizabeth, that’s a good point about the book publishing industry. And the focus on young writers. I worked in magazine publishing for years, which is also very ageist.
Petra says:
Great article. I’m 57 and retrained as a financial adviser in my early fifties. I’m still studying and aiming to become chartered by the time I’m 60. Older women have so much life experience to offer and society needs to stop judgement about what age people look. I look the way I do because of the life I’ve lived. Ageing is a privilege not something that should be feared.
It’s from my collaboration with Dandy Star. The credit and the link are at the bottom of the feature. Or go to ‘ Shop the TNMA Edit’ on the top right hand side of this website.
Mrs Tonia says:
Good serious points you raise here Alyson. There’s a lot of ageism out there across all fields of activity. What to do but keep going as best as one can. But there are at least older accomplished actors and writers used in some advertising campaigns. I personally have never minded about compliments ending in for your age. At least one isn’t totally invisible.
Very helpful that you chose to highlight these issues several times a year and it stimulates debate. Thanks for that.MaureenC says:
Great post. It would be refreshing to hear if anyone has experience of an industry that isn’t ageist! Ageism in the workplace really impacts on men too of course but they don’t have the same pressure as women to look young. I think it’s really hard not to internalise these pressures and I see so many older women lose confidence and become what I can only describe as dithery. Being self effacing means you don’t get in anyone’s way, cause bother and indeed you don’t need to be seen at all. Women are raised to want people to like us and find us attractive. Being a confident assertive older woman is hard work and a lot of people don’t ‘like’ you for it . I find it interesting that people often assume that I’m younger than my sixty five years and not because of my face. I think it’s partly it’s that I don’t dress in the perpetual walking clothes that seem to have become the 6o something uniform around here but mostly it’s because I walk though a room with confidence and without apologising for my continued existence.
Ruth says:
Well, I worked until I was 66 so can only wholeheartedly agree with what has been said here about the situation of older women in the workplace. But fear of growing old? I find retirement absolute bliss. I certainly don’t look it but I feel as light and carefree as a very young girl , but without the anxiety of the young. It’s a great relief not to have to impress any more, not to be dependent on any one’s judgement. Perhaps we should take a lighter view of old age.
Lin James says:
Thanks Ruth – I’m also very much enjoying retirement, it is so satisfying to be able to lose myself in making something, reading, music or gardening without having to keep an eye on the time. I wish we had a better work / life balance throughout our working lives though – especially now the retirement age is getting higher.
AnnaO says:
Very very many years ago….when I was a 31 year old self employed hard working mama with two smalls and a somewhat errant husband .we had a young au pair fresh from a farming community in Germany. Very lovely, glowing, Heidi – children loved her, we loved her and her family. One day she was talking with her Norwegian friend and I overheard them discussing said husband and his behavior and me who they described as being “very good” before qualifying it with that phrase “for her age”!
I haven’t stopped looking after myself 42 years on but I’ve never succumbed to tweakments (too scared and far rather spend that sort of money on family and plants!) and I’ve never forgotten that phrase – I think it rather keeps me on my toes!
Great piece as ever thank you Alyson.Lucy Ryan says:
Such a great post Alyson! Have you seen the t-shirts by Twisted Twee? They sport all the phrases about old women on them, hag, crone, invisible, etc. We shall keep banging the drum about the value of older women to society, business and brands. You are doing a wonderful job!
Rowan says:
I’m 75 today so your article has gone down very well with me. I was taken aback to see the actual number’75’ on the first birthday card I opened. It really brought my age home to me as most of the time I feel no particular age at all!
Karen says:
This is a fantastic article. I am not afraid of aging so much as I am of infirmity – physical problems. My mind is as sharp as ever (and I understand now why a lovely woman in her eighties told me when I was a child that she didn’t feel old inside), but my body is beginning to betray me. I fear being helpless and unable to care for myself. I agree about the ageism throughout society, however. Around here, so many businesses cater to young people, when it’s the retirees who have the money. I retired from teaching at 72 basically because my 68-year-old boss was forced out to make way for “new blood,” and that “new blood” has run what was a fine institution into the ground. When did “grandma” become such an insult? I am 75, nearly 76, still interested in fashion and clothing, but I am not buying into facelifts!
A point to make about younger people being employed in Arts/Advertising etc over older and more experienced folk is this-purely and simply they cost less to employ! In my area (Film/Theatre) there are lots of recent graduates with good ideas,but little experience,who are happy to work for peanuts,or absolutely free.This is catnip to production accountants and producers,especially within those companies that the Arts Council has decimated. And then people like me (67,worked for 45 years so far) get brought in to troubleshoot in a rush. I now refuse. Its one thing to have low paid interns-its a learning curve,its another assume that those of us over 60 will be grateful to be called in and flattered for less money than we would have asked for in the first place! All this on top of being denied our meagre State Pension for years after we expected it!
And thats another discussion…..JoanCecile says:
About 20 years ago I watched a documentary about the secretive Botox industry. Essentially, a highly toxic bacteria is used to not kill a person, but only make the wrinkles go away. The horrifying truth, to me at least, is that ‘mouse units’ must die in order to ensure safety for the clinical use on humans. So, to fight the visible signs of aging, other sentient beings must die. (Just another spin on the ‘toxic’ topic of anti-aging.)
Alison, I appreciate your forum so much. If we can’t get past fretting about our wrinkles, how are we going to have the will or energy to solve the crucial problems of this world?
Hi Alison
Great article but why should we feel we have to wear sweatshirts and t- shirts with ‘old’ and other related words . Surely we can make a statement by looking after our appearance and expressing our individuality !
We’re not a tribe who need to associate ourselves with slogans on our t-shirts !! It’s great to see people like Helen Mirren Tilda Swinton Lauren Hutton and others looking so stylish
I am 68 and have unfollowed some very stylish older women on Instagram as their images and posts are totally unrealistic . No pressure on us mere mortals!!
Sorry for the rant
By the way you’re looking great and a lot more confident in front of the camera …..
and I do love your articles !!That’s right, Mags. We can make whatever kind of statement we choose. Wear the clothes we feel happy and confident in. I enjoy making a stand in my OLD sweatshirt. In fact, I wore it when I met Helen Mirren – and she admired it! (You can see the picture of us together on my Instagram feed/ Facebook page)
Boadicea says:
Having read the previous comments I realise just how lucky I was throughout my working life. Learning how many ladies are treated in their workplace has appalled me but I must say that I’m with Mrs Tonia, I’m more than happy to receive even ageist-type compliments, preferring to see them just as compliments with no added meaning – from either sex.
However, discrimination per se, isn’t new and not always perpetrated by men. Way back in the Sixties I interviewed a young lady who ran her own business. Quite impressive at that time, in a tough market. She put her success down to only employing the brightest and the best under 30s. When I asked what would happen to staff after a certain birthday, she just shrugged. Over the years I often wondered how it all turned out. Did her staff catch on to her strategy and bail out, or did she make enough from her brightest and best to close down at a suitable point and retire? I’ll never know. All I knew at the time was that I was already well past my sell-by date! Yet, at 83+ I’m still doing the community work I started nearly 40 years ago and was delighted a while back when the bossman said that he hoped I had no thought of giving up. As my husband says, ‘”At our age, if we wake up in the morning and stick out our elbows and don’t touch wood, then we’re okay!”‘
Keep fighting, ladies. More power to your elbows!Dayna says:
I love this article. It says exactly how I feel about celebrities who “look good for their age.” Most of these women have spent thousands on preserving their youth because their industry demands it. I remember being told I was brave for embracing my grey hair in my forties and now for choosing not to wear make up in my fifties. Aging has given my the self confidence I completely lacked when I was younger, I would be good to hear more positive conversations about aging.
Amalana says:
Excellent, thoughtful article Alyson and what gorgeous coats! Hopefully you will find it refreshing to read that some of us work in industries where age and experience are welcomed and rewarded. As a government scientist in a fairly male dominated area, I feel more visible and respected in my fifties than ever before. I love being able to say (especially to the mansplainers) that I have over 30 years experience in my field! I have found my fifties to be a revelation; confidence at work and more freedom from child care responsibilities which has allowed me to take up new activities – running, rowing, sea swimming- which mean that I’m fitter now than in my thirties. Another massive plus is the wonderful freedom from sexual attention/harassment from men other than my partner. Invisibility is (sometimes) bliss!
Sally says:
While I have my share of worry over how I look and am perceived, my fear of getting old is quite different — at 77, full of ideas to express and creative purpose, I wonder and worry over how many more years I have left. It’s getting harder to relax these days, with a feeling of time running out on me. I have so much I want to make, photograph, and write, and fear (in spite of good health) that I may be either disabled (by something like a stroke or disease) or taken by sudden death of some sort. All this worries me far more than fashion and people’s perception of me, though I know they are real phenomena.
Liz A says:
First, I have to say that your voice is so full of power and conviction every time you address the topic of ageism. As to my own personal experience, at a rather youthful 55 and with a long career in a niche skillset, I’ve fortunately been somewhat insulated from the “ism’s” and enjoyed taking time off to focus on family for a few years here and there and then getting back into the game without much trouble. I can’t credit any sort of informed strategy for this; I just did work that I enjoyed and found challenging and fortunately ended up with a marketable resume. Recent health issues have reminded me, though, that I am at that place in my life’s arc that is nearer to the end than the beginning, which is a truly sobering thought. And I wonder if it’s our culture’s discomfort with our mortality–denial, really that lies behind ageism. Fear of one sort or other seems to be at the core of most “other”ing’s that define bias and discrimination. I’m reminded of Olympia Dukakis telling her philandering husband, “Cosmo, you’re going to die,” after she realizes he runs around with a younger woman in a false attempt to hold onto his youth. For a lighter take on mortality, Carl Reiner’s 2017 documentary, “If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast,” brings wit and wisdom from several nonagenarians. I may need to go watch it again this afternoon.
L 
Paula 
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Another wonderful blog, Alyson. My suggestion is for people to speak up when they see/hear something that screams ageism. For example, when I see advertising for a product that younger and older people purchase (coffee) and the TV commercial only shows younger adults, for me, that is not right. I have contacted some of these companies to express my concerns, and if I don’t get a response, they don’t get my business. We need to learn to embrace who we are. Your blog is a wonderful first step.