Say bye-bye to feeling dry… what you need to know about vaginal dryness
Photo: Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels
Your vagina can look after itself most of the time. It doesn’t need special washing products, nor Gwyneth-Paltrow-style steaming, herbal detox pellets, tightening sticks or ‘vagacials’. It’s self-cleaning, and self-pH-regulating. However, there is one area that it sometimes needs help with: lubrication, for sex (or inserting a tampon, or a smear test), and for everyday hydration to keep it feeling comfortable. Vaginal dryness (VD – unfortunate initials when you’re old enough to remember ‘venereal disease’ posters in public toilets!) affects women of all ages, and has many causes, apart from menopause, including: chemotherapy, medication, stress (perhaps caused by… a global pandemic), type 2 diabetes, Sjögren’s syndrome (which affects fluid production throughout the body) and hysterectomy.
Menopausal VD, caused by reduced oestrogen production, is also known as vaginal atrophy, or vulvovaginal atrophy (VVA), which sounds alarmingly like shrivelling up and withering away. Thankfully, it’s not so dramatic as the medical terminology sounds, but it does affect up to 60% of post-menopausal women.
The vagina’s natural lubrication
This lack of natural lubrication as we get older doesn’t just make sex uncomfortable; it can cause itching, burning and sensitivity at any time, making it uncomfortable to walk or run, or even just sit on a seat, never mind a bike saddle.
Your vagina naturally produces two types of lubrication: the ‘everyday’ kind that keeps it clean, evident as a white or clear discharge. The other lubrication is stimulated by sexual excitement: Bartholin’s glands at the entrance secrete friction-reducing, slippery mucus. Less of this can lead to increased friction and discomfort during sex.
If you’re experiencing VD, you can use vaginal moisturiser for everyday comfort, and lubricant, for having sex.
Vaginal moisturisers
As with tampons, you can apply these with a finger, or an applicator.
Yes Vaginal Moisturiser is the world’s only organic VM. It contains water and natural gums, formulated to be odourless, colourless and non-sticky. This really feels like my own everyday lubrication. Each application lasts three days. It’s available on prescription – find out more here.
Sylk Vaginal Lubricant & Moisturiser (£9.99, 40g) is NHS approved, with a main ingredient extracted from kiwi fruit. It’s available on prescription and you can get a free sample.
Vaginal lubricants for sex
As well as VD, lower oestrogen levels make vaginal tissues less elastic and thinner, which can lead to discomfort, pain and bleeding during sex – guaranteed to ruin the moment.
Saliva is always to hand, but lacks lubricity (or slipperiness). Other things not to use include body lotion, or anything containing glycerine and parabens (found in many lubes), which can both cause thrush.
There are three main lubricant types: water, oil or silicone.
1. Water-based lube is safe with toys and condoms. It doesn’t last very long in use, but you can refresh it by sprinkling on a little water. And it’s not messy.
Try:
Yes WB, which contains aloe vera, flax extract and plant gums, in three sizes and two applicator packs, from £9.99, 100ml. It’s certified organic, rehydrates, is pH-balanced, feels like natural wetness and has absolutely zero smell.
No-frills Lovehoney Enjoy is free from glycerine, £5.33 for 100ml.
2. Oil-based lube is best for prolonged sessions and can be used in water (shower, bath, sea, hot tub…) because oil doesn’t dissolve in water (which means it’s messier). Don’t use it with latex or polyisoprene condoms as it can weaken them, which could cause tears. It’s safe for polyurethane condoms.
Try:
Yes OB, made with cocoa butter and shea butter, sweet almond oil and sunflower oil, plus a little beeswax (various sizes, from £5.99 for 40ml) is certified organic and feels like it has more ‘body’ than water-based.
WooWoo Bliss oil (£9.99, 30ml, Superdrug) has a main ingredient derived from coconut oil, plus cannabis seed oil and aloe vera.
For a super-slippery experience, try water-based and oil-based together. Yes has a Double Glide pack of 100ml of WB and 80ml of OB for £16.99.
3. Silicone-based lube is also safe to use in water, as it’s not absorbed by the skin. It’s safe to use with all condoms, but not with silicone-containing sex toys, as it can damage them. Silicone lube needs more cleaning up and can stain.
Try Boots Silicone Lubricant (£7.99, 50ml)
Adrienne Wyper is a health and lifestyle writer and regular TNMA contributor.
Discussion (29 Comments)
carole b says:
The book is ‘Where did my libido go’ by Dr Rosie King, Ebury Press 2010, Jackie. I was able to get a new copy, from Blackwell’s I think.
Yes, please!
Joanne says:
I ordered the Yes trial kit last year after trying most of the over-the-counter products. They’re terrific!
MaureenC says:
What an excellent article. I worked in sexual health in the 1990s when one of the responses to the HIV epidemic was a fantastically open approach to safe sex education lead by gay men but ultimately aimed at everyone. I was part of a team that held safer sex roadshows around nightclubs and all kinds of social events. Various forms of lubrication were a popular topic. However though it was a break with stuffy ‘sex education’ there was still an underlying assumption that only young people needed to know any of this. Older women’s sexuality and vaginal health both remain taboo topics in our society leading so many to feel to embarrassed about seeking such simple remedies to mortifying problems. We would never leave dry skin untreated anywhere else on our bodies!
Well done for helping to bring this topic into mainstream discourse.Susan says:
Also sylk is available at places like Boots without a perscription., in case like me you have had good and negative experiances with GP, particulary men but also women GP who have not experianced a dry vagina so have no idea how upsetting this can be, not to mention painful. So you can go direct and buy your own. Roughly £9 a bottle and lasts for ages as you only need a drop, but does make all the difference. Please do not suffer in silence..
Elizabeth says:
Excellent article, wish I had read it 20 years ago! Thank you. Suffered from this during menopause, but miraculously- as the body does – it righted itself after a couple of years and is back to normal. (I did read a book by Germaine Greer in which she said it would all work out ok, and she was right). I assume I’m one of the lucky ones, but these products are good to know about should it creep up again.
Jane Royce says:
A very interesting and important topic .. one that I had not a clue about til peri menopause. It still seems a difficult one to have face to face, despite the fact that it’ll affect many of us at some point. Can I recommend this book..?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1916446701/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_imm_t1_GRDCW690CFQKXGA3N213
.. wanted to post a picture, rather than an Amazon link ☹️ but didn’t know how to.
It’s a very informative, clear and short explanation of all the reasons why a decline in oestrogen – for whatever reason – has such a big effect on our bodies.Thanks for the recommendation Jane – I don’t think you can upload a picture into the comments box. I’m going to order this book (not from Amazon)
Alex says:
Here, here!
Order from your local small shops!
Stop this amazon madness.
PS Thanks for the book recommendation, Jane x
Very good article of something that is still a bit of tabu,
We did have a laugh yesterday watching a clip of ‘Grace & Frankie’ (Netflix, if you haven’t, please watch it..), and the homemade lube…is there such a thing?
Suffering with Lichen Sclerosis I have to be very careful with products,
However I have used Vagifem internal tablets ,3 times a week for ages, on prescription from your Gynaecologist or GP if it’s an understanding one. My male (a temporary) GP stopped them for me, said they weren’t needed. He has since left the clinic and my female GP has no problem prescribing them,but it comes with a letter from Gynaecologist .. I’ve heard good reports about Sylk so might give it a go. But yes otherwise you don’t need any fancy products to clean with, does more harm than good.Rebecca says:
Until this happens to you, you have no idea what it’s like! I’m on HRT but still need some kind of lube during sex or it’s painful instead of pleasurable. I think the Sylk one is the best, it does last for ages although I need a lot more than the drop a previous commenter suggested. I buy it online. I didn’t find my HRT nurse was very helpful. She just told me to go to Boots and ask for it (yeah, right!) and there was no suggestion I could get it on prescription (which is annoying as I have a pre-paid certificate and they will be free after 60). I think it is a taboo subject as it is yet another sign of your sexual prowess declining but I went quite quickly from being very wet when aroused to dry as a bone.
Tillikins says:
I had to go for a vaginal ultrasound recently and as I’ve been experiencing a dryness problem, I asked the gynaecologist for advice on lubrication while he was “down there” and he recommended Yes. In my experience, I’ve found that GPs generally are not interested in post-menopausal problems so thank you very much for this article – really helpful!
K says:
Wonderful post. Unfortunately key products not available in North America. 🙁 Anyone got suggestions from that part of the globe for natural lubes/moisturizers?
I’m in Canada. I’ve been using K-Y Jelly for years. It’s inexpensive, water-based, fragrance-free, and non-greasy and can easily be found in almost any pharmacy. K-Y also makes a variety of other similar products including a Gentle Sensitive version, a Sensual Silk lubricant, and Warming products (oil, liquid, or jelly) but I’ve only used the basic jelly.
Cate says:
Hello K and Anne
Check out your “clean” skincare online stockists like CAP Beauty, Credo, Detox Market, Goop etc. A very quick check at both Detox and Goop shows natural options (like Sliquid) with good reviews. Also Dame Products has an organic product. You definitely want free from nasties….. Happy researching!JAC says:
So good to read this, and the helpful comments. Apologies if this is not the right place for this ( you’re not an agony aunt after all!) I’m now 3 yrs without sex after struggling and giving up after my 3rd year post menopause. One aspect that is not mentioned is that a lack of natural lubrication can feel like a rejection to a sensitive partner, no lubrication = they are not enough. My partner has not come to terms with it yet and so it’s easier not to, full stop. It’s such a complex time of life!
Beverley Etherington says:
Thank you for highlighting Sjogrens Syndrome. It is rare that anyone mentions it. I have had it most of my life, but it only flared badly post menopause. Sadly, the vaginal dryness is the least distressing of the various symptoms, but thank you for the mention.
N , 57 years old says:
I hear you, JAC, it’s been about 4 years for me for similar reasons. Although I consider myself a retired heterosexual I have gone ahead and ordered some of the products recommended in this blog post — who knows maybe I can make something happen!
kb says:
Has anyone used Slippery Stuff (water-based, glycerin-free, paraben-free; available online)? Thanks so much for the discussion/topic!
Sally says:
KY jelly contains sugar and can, therefore, cause thrush. I find Sylk is great for sex. It works well, (although far more than a ‘drop’ needed), and the bottle is small and discreet. It’s free on prescription too.
Topical oestrogen has really helped and I use a cream with a vaginal applicator twice a week. At first I had a generic Estriol Cream which worked but you have to use quite a lot so it’s messy. GP now prescribes Ovestin which concentrates the dose into a much smaller quantity.
The book My Menopausal Vagina is helpful.Rus Cooper-Dowda says:
I have been ordered by my female ob-gyn a vaginal cream for vaginal atrophy. I am 67 and post menopause. I have no symptoms and am not sexually active by choice and have been out as a lesbian for most of my adult life. Under those circumstances why would I need to take it? Has my doc missed I am a not sexually active lesbian? The map she gave me to find where to put the cream cracked me and my friends up. If you have never seen your territory and don’t care to….why would a “map” help? it is on my fridge now held up my magnets…
Anne Barrett 
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Yes! I need this post, just like I needed pointing in the direction of ‘Help, where did my libido go’ last year (might not quite have been quite the title – but a really good book I wouldn’t have known about without TNMA).
That’s why I love this site – brilliant fashion, and very relevant tips for all aspects of life after 50…
Thank you, and here’s hoping for a really enjoyable Valentine’s Day!