Are we all winging it?
A friend of mine gave me some brilliant advice, the other day, instead of putting pressure on ourselves to be perfect at work, at home, at everything; being ‘good enough’, is good enough. Modern life means we’re all permanently stretched, constantly connected and totally wired. (Thank you Mark E Smith). Apparently, the ‘good enough’ life philosophy takes the pressure off. I’m going to try it. SnapChat? Instagram Stories? – think I’ll buy this sweatshirt instead.
Photo: Dvora @fashionistable
And, thanks to Bella Freud, we’re all sloganeering, now. Of course, it is possible to make a statement in other ways:
Discussion (20 Comments)
Yes, we are all winging it and it’s good to be honest about that. There was a brilliant, but controversial, English psychiatrist who came up with the idea of the ‘good enough’ mother. Sounds not good enough but she is! At a certain age we learn that the search for perfection is overrated, not to mention impossible and exhausting.
Anita
Fran says:
I first embraced the ‘good enough’ approach when I became a single mother of a special-needs child with multiple medical problems in my mid 30s. It really helps. I figure that a perfect mother would be a pretty scary thing to a child, anyway. A couple of other tips for taking the pressure off: when financial calamity strikes, remember this — it’s only money; no one has died, no one is even in the hospital. And for social pressure, you are welcome to borrow my suit of rubber armor — all the negative stuff bounces right off, back at the ones who sent it! LOL. Little mental tricks for making it through the day when life is tough. Of course I can still get perfectionistic about certain things. Like knitting patterns. And miniscule spots on my clothing. But, when it comes to the big things, I think it helps to loosen up a little.
I like the sweatshirt. And I never wear any writing on my clothes. But this one seems like a good introduction 🙂
Annie G says:
I am with Fran. Of course we are all winging it – we have been since we were born. Because there is no rule book, it only seems as if there is. The quest for perfection is laughably pointless.
Kim says:
Absolutely – in always striving for perfection we only set ourselves up for failure, over & over again! I became a mother in my forties and only then did I work it out – wish it had been sooner, could have saved myself (&others) a large dollop of unnecessary angst. Also helping me is Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly.
Aud says:
Sometimes it takes a reality check, often in the form of some kind of unavoidable personal tragedy, to make you realise how essential the ” good enough'” mantra is. You can always find someone to compare yourself
to and find yourself lacking. Not pretty, thin, exciting,clever,urbane, stylish ,successful enough whatever. In the face of a disaster so huge I couldn’t have imagined it, what I realised was most stuff is just surface. Scratch below the surface of the perfect lives you compare yourself to and, I guarantee, it’s not so perfect. And it doesn’t matter because we are all humans just trying to get through this game called life. So just do the best you can. It’s good enough.Caroline says:
Good enough? Happy enough?
I am not sure if this is apropos but it reminds me of the ending of the book SNOBS by Julian Fellowes. “Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m happy? said Edith.
“No.”
“Well, I’ll tell you anyway. The fact is, I’m happy enough.”
“I did not question her statement. I am glad she was and is happy enough. That is a good deal happier than a large proportion of my address book”.Kathy says:
“Good enough” I thought of it all day, as I tend to be a perfectionist…..it sort of calmed me down. New mantra.
Moi says:
Also, 9 times out of 10? Other people think one’s “good enough” is absolute perfection.
Bridget Wareing says:
Yes that chimed, & such heartening comments…I’m an undercover TNMA groupie…it’s my secret network.
Anne Allen says:
My children, now in their 30s & 40s, grew up with a sign hanging in the kitchen saying ‘dull women have immaculate homes’ . I thought I’d set a realistic bar as teaching full time & being a wife, mother & daughter brought pressures enough.
Oh, I’m definitely winging it, and I feel like I’m always behind and not doing a great job at anything. Sometimes it is fine if your child has a sandwich instead of a roast dinner. Sometimes it is fine if your mascara is smeared and you can’t be bothered to put on lipstick. Sometimes it is fine to skip a gym class. Sometimes it is fine to cancel plans at the last minute because you just don’t have any sparkling conversation or or feigned interest left in you! I think we all need to give ourselves a big break and not expect perfection out of ourselves. There just aren’t enough hours in the day.
Anna K says:
It took me a bazillion years and a nervous breakdown to go easy on myself and stop worrying about what other people think about you. One of the most useful words I quote to myself when I start to beat myself up about my imperfect house etc: ‘The people who mind don’t matter; and the people who matter don’t mind.’
Step says:
This has been my philosophy for years. As long as my husband was happy and children had clean PE kit who cares!
I can relate! I just can’t add SnapChat and Instagram stories. I want time to live life! Great photo, by the way!
maudie says:
Hmm, I think it does take the odd half-century of living a life to realise that we are all actually ‘good enough’ and no-one is actually marking us out of ten on our performance/personality/parenting skills/looks etc. Everyone is just getting on with their own stuff with the same angst. When the ‘penny finally drops’ it is so liberating.
Anne says:
Good enough is close to ‘I am okay’, which has been my mantra since early this year when I fought my clinical depession. Anything else leaves us with always wanting more, which means we never feel we have done enough. Which is just wrong. Since then I became more balanced. Not always great, but good enough for the time being.
Sarah Bagg says:
I totally appreciate this, in fact, I think society puts way too much pressure on women to follow a certain path, to be a certain person……to have it all. Who knew at 39 I would be freezing my eggs to try and secure a better chance of becoming a Mum, sometimes life doesn’t deal you the set of cards of your choice!
I totally appreciate this, in fact, I think society puts way too much pressure on women to follow a certain path, to be a certain person……to have it all. Who knew at 39 I would be freezing my eggs to try and secure a better chance of becoming a Mum, sometimes life doesn’t deal you the set of cards of your choice!
http://www.lifeloveandme.co.uk
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Great idea Alyson!
That’s exactly why I’ve always told my kids not to expect too much from me Hahaha This has worked in my favour big time because whenever I DO remember “the school trip” “sports day” “dress up day” or any one of the many extra things that’s expected, I get a YAY Mummy from them.
Win Win 😉