Tidying Up with Marie Kondo
— by Alyson Walsh
Who knew that watching people declutter their homes could be so emotional? The new Tidying Up with Marie Kondo series on Netflix is more than just people clearing out their crap, there is usually an underlying relationship issue or problem with family communication, too. As Kondo says, ‘ It’s not just possessions that are confronted but life and the future as well.’ Rachel and Kevin Friend are a young couple with two kids who don’t have time to tidy up, so the place is a bit of a mess and laundry has become a bone of contention. Empty-nesters Ron and Wendy Akiyama are filling their home with stuff because they miss their sons (Wendy has basically loaded up their empty rooms with unworn clothes). And the Mersier family of four have downsized from a house in Michigan to a two-bed apartment in LA and haven’t quite accepted their new home. Marie Kondo is on a mission to ‘Spark Joy’ through cleaning. Her Japanese method of tidying is pretty straightforward: if an item Sparks Joy and makes you feel positive, then you keep it. If not, thank the item for its commitment and get rid.
The most joyful moment of all appears to be when Marie Kondo turns up a family’s home, one knock at the door creates instant delight and an outpouring of emotion:
The timing of the Tidying Up series is perfect – launching on New Year’s Day when people are lounging around surrounded by Christmas clutter. Though, we had some new wardrobes fitted in the spare room, in early December, and so That’s Not My Age Mansions had a major decluttering session before the holidays. It’s only taken 18-years of living in this two-bedroom apartment to finally sort the storage out….
I didn’t rate Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up book – Debora Robertson’s Declutter: The get-real guide to creating calm from chaos is more realistic and a much better read (review coming soon) – but I am hooked on the Netflix series. After watching two episodes of Tidying Up, I was inspired to KonMari-in-a-hurry my t-shirts. To fold each one up into a neat rectangle and then store vertically in the drawer (see above). There was no patting and thanking of innate objects ( I am never going to do that) but this is a great idea and a space-saving technique that allows the wearer to view all the t-shirts at once. Plus. there is something therapeutic in taking the time to fold garments and create space; tidying up becomes more enjoyable, less of a chore. Let’s see if I still think that next week when I’m back at work and multi-tasking like a maniac.
When it comes to clothes and possessions, I’m quite ruthless – and would go as far as to say that my own Faff-Free decluttering methods are effective. Kondo suggests piling all your clothes up on the bed, but that can be a little overwhelming. I much prefer a system of constant editing, I don’t want a wardrobe crammed with clothes that are rarely worn and make getting dressed a nightmare. One more Netflix episode, and I go back to have another look at The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. It’s then I decide to fold rather than ball my socks. Not because I’m KonMaried up and acknowledge that ‘socks and tights take a brutal beating in their daily work and the time spent in the drawer is their time to rest’ but because it saves space. Oh and declutterers beware. Don’t overdo the folding. In the afterword of her best-selling book, Kondo admits that she ended up in hospital with a frozen neck and shoulders after ‘tidying too much’. Think I’ll stick to my Economy KonMari tactic. Tidying up for the time-poor…
Discussion (45 Comments)
- Karen says:
I find the more I watch people with too much stuff, the more ruthless I am editing my things. It’s a fun watch but also a little disturbing.
- Amy H Chen says:
The timing was perfect, but I’m disappointed by the content. The focus on emotions follows the reality TV format, it is not surprising. That said, I’m much more interested in the actual tidying. There’s so little of the supposed content when the greetings between Kondo and the family are given so much airtime. What I do like about the show was the representation of diverse families and their respective issues/stuff. I wish they would have gone into more depth because the set up is a really nice one and I love watching Kondo. She’s so ridiculously sprite-like!
- Alyson Walsh says:
Agree with you, Amy. There is hardly any tidying technique shown in the third episode with the Mersier family. But they are really charming and loving and willing to work together to KonMarie their lives – which is good TV in itself.
It is so hard to part with things. I have sentimental attachment to many items which are never used but occassionally looked at and then put away again
- Téa says:
I, too, just love the new show! It’s so peaceful and kind! I had an epiphany when I pack a suitcase using the KonMari method – clothes are “filed instead of stacked”…mind-blown! Try it for your next adventure!
- Carla Gaita says:
Great comment and I agree with everything you said. Very sensible approach to tidying up, and for me a new year’s resolution that I can stick to and quite enjoy too. There are a few things in my wardrobe and my drawers that should thank and pat ME for my commitment to giving them indefinite space and life – without rewarding me for at least a little sparkle of joy!
- Ana says:
I read Marie Kondo’s book 2 years ago and was immediatly fascinated. I have gotten rid of every single ítem that doesn’t give me joy and have given it away to charity. Living in a third world country, I consider having too much almost obscene; apart from that, it is very relaxing to be in a simple, not cluttered, environment. I have seen the first two episodes of the Netflix series and I can’t wait to see the rest of them.
- Daisy says:
Like you, Alyson, I didn’t rate the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, (slight, repetitive and dull) I felt resentful that some newspaper had persuaded me to buy it. I tidied it up to the Charity shop pretty quickly. Had not realised she was also on Netflix, so will have a look at that – thanks. Happy New Year
- Laurel Armstrong says:
I like the idea of de-cluttering and do it by the “one in, one out” rule usually. The change of seasons here in Ontario, Canada means there is another regular session of review and passing along items that haven’t been used effectively in previous seasons. There is a growing pile of all kinds of items ready to head out the door – a January tradition.
However, that folding technique you show is really a problem. I love knit tee-shirts but never fold them like that – what a wrinkled mess they are and does that mean ironing them so that they are smooth enough to wear?
Long ago I learned that folding knits along vertical body-lines with one horizontal fold is a good technique – fewer wrinkles, the items are flat in the drawer and easy to sort through.
Easy to fold well, and not have to iron!!- Alyson Walsh says:
I always use the ‘one in, one out’ rule, Laurel, it’s essential when you live in a small space. And I’ll let you know how I get on with the folded t-shirts. Seems to work OK in winter when the t-shirt is hidden under a jumper or sweatshirt and there’s no need to iron….
- FivebyFive says:
But you still fold your shirts. So how do you not have to iron the creases?
I’ve used Kondo’s folding method for a year or two now and it’s terrific. My tee shirts are not a wrinkled mess at all. The trick is not to fold them neatly but not jam too many into a drawer. Plus, I can now see exactly what I have and what I’m looking for at a glance rather than have to dig down through a stack of shirts in a drawer. To each her own, but this is one Kondo tip I swear by.
- Valerie says:
Yes, the wrinkled clothes that emerge from the tidy drawers! What to do, Marie Kondo??
- Mrs Tonia says:
Seems we are on similar wavelength again. I watched the first episode of this broadcast last night. I am the possessor of not one but two copies of her first book. First from a Florida bookshop when it first appeared after reading about it in New York Times book review. I have read it and a later borrowed paperback copy. Has it helped me scale down my possessions. Not so much. So Alyson I’m with you about the text. When I moved to smaller house I have had to try to reduce possessions.
What did appeal with the television programme, young married couple with kids, was seeing the friction and disharmony their possessions were causing them. Marie Kondo with her fluent English speaking translator in tow, showed them they should dump every piece of clothing on the floor in a big pile and weed through what was meaningful, or sparking of joy in her terminology, to retain or what to turf or donate. Plan doing something of this sort over weekend seeing this process in action. It’s clothing, books, other possessions and finally things of sentimental value. Always the hardest category. Especially if a gift from a deceased relative.
But it’s a new year and time for baby steps in the right direction.- Nicola says:
I’m not so sure it was the possessions that were causing friction – to me it felt like there were deeper issues with that first couple ( the only epidode I have watched). The husband seemed frustrated at the mess, with a subtext that he wondered what she did all day while he was off doing his 60 hour working week (even though he was careful to praise her parenting) and the wife’s response was defensive so she might have been feeling hurt and unappreciated. I thought they needed couples counselling, not Marie Kondo!
I read the book when it first came out and some of the ideas have stuck. I like the term ‘sparking joy’ because it means I can keep my ratty pj bottoms but chuck out the dress that might be beautiful but is really uncomfortable. I don’t, however, rate her folding technique. I also think the idea of getting everything out is too overwhelming so I did my wardrobe in manageable chunks.
- Maisie says:
I have the book, but I wonder if too much de-cluttering can become as much of an obsession as hoarding.
And I’m sure that keeping things can be to fill an emotional emptiness. I’m pretty good at getting rid of clothes that I no longer wear, but my sticking point is magazines ( and carrier bags ) However, having given myself a good talking to- the kids will have to sort all this one day- I’m finally sorting and throwing as many as I can. I do love tidying though-on a rainy day with nothing else to do. - Carol Markel says:
Marie Kondo is a delight. Fortunately, I do not need any of her advice. I am a neat-freak already. Still, there is something of the feeling of watching a multi-car pile up on the highway when viewing the clutter in the houses on the show. I am happy that the people can find some sanity in their lives. But really, they should not buy so much stuff in the first place. Think how much money you can save!
- kathryn says:
Ugh! Yet another standard of behaviour I cannot live up to. ;-( That said, as an inveterate clothes hoarder, I do have a hint: I find rolling much better than any kind of folding for reducing both creases and wrinkles. And it max’s out the space too.
- Mrs Tonia says:
Reply to Carol. Oh to be a neat freak. But if one isn’t that mentality is hard to embrace. Lots of my clothes have been donated. Many heeled designer shoes and handbags remain which I use little or not at all. Current lifestyle has far less getting dressed up and going out than the one I used to lead. It’s getting older in part but also a more underdressed aesthetic and travelling mostly on public transport so not wanting to be uncomfortable or overdressed. Certainly it makes economic sense to own less and buy less. I have tried this past year to shop my wardrobe/closet to create outfits. With very little new. So I’m getting there slowly.
- maudie says:
Mrs Tonia – ‘Shop your wardrobe’ – I could not agree more. I managed the whole Christmas season by purchasing (from ebay) one pair of gorgeous gold boots. With the hoard I have in my wardrobe and various other ‘hidey-holes’ (cavernous spaces) I pulled off loads of great outfits without spending any money. Agree – public transport (thank you 60+ card) is not conducive to hot/overdressed/fiddly dressing. Maybe less really is more?
- FivebyFive says:
I bought Kondo’s book a year or two ago and yes, her T-shirt folding idea is brilliant. Once you organize your t-shirts and camis and tanks this way it’s very easy to maintain and I’ve been using her idea ever since.
I was on board with Kondo’s book until I got to the chapter on books. I stopped reading it when she suggested I get rid of all of my books except for the 15 or so that “spark joy.” But my house is my library. And a house without books (lots and lots of them) is not one I want to live in. Books spark all sorts of reactions — including inspiration, nostalgia, curiosity, sadness, anger, annoyance — not just joy. There’s nothing wrong with collecting lots and lots of things you love (in my case, books), so long as you don’t allow your house to get overwhelmed by that stuff. Organizing, displaying, and (re)reading my books sparks joy for me and makes my home a warm, more interesting place to be, yet I’m sure Marie would come into my house and urge me to get rid of them all (except for 10). Nope. That’s where Marie and I part company.
Looking forward to watching the show, tho. I bet the program doesn’t focus too much on the actual decluttering tips because she wants you to buy her books.
- Chrissie says:
I agree. I too love my books and I have a great many of them – I don’t mind decluttering my wardrobe now and then but my books – never. I think they make a room look warm and comfortable as well as interesting. Besides I am leaving them to my grand daughter who is also a bookworm
- Tricia says:
I am going to watch this, more as if it was a different, fascinating species to examine. I am not a hoarder but I do love my stuff, vintage clothes and jewellery and sentimental family items. I know I should get rid of stuff but’s there’s lots of things I should do, but don’t. I like the comment Maisie made about decluttering possibly becoming as obsessive as collecting. I’m a jewellery artist and I find a lot of material and inspiration in the things I have collected or been given. My dad was a farmer and I grew up with a yard full of interesting bits and pieces, some of which now resides in my garden. I guess I got a “stuff” gene.
Having said all that I am trying to buy less new, use the things I have more effectively and do things like donate books (usually second hand to begin with) soon after I read them.
Alyson, I have never commented before, but I have been greatly enjoying your blog for a long time. It is intelligent and delightful. Thank you.
- Cristina says:
Watching the Netflix series, the main change MK’s teaching seems to be that every member of the family works on decluttering, not only one
- Jane says:
This is very timely for me as I have downsized over Christmas to a smaller space, forcing me to focus on my possessions and what they mean to me ……..are they useful? beautiful ?memorable ? etc…..What’s interesting in the process is the fact that I am decluttering on top of decluuttering now I have, as it were, “landed” in my new home.
And I keep looking around and wondering how much more I can shift. All in all a satisfying and enlightening experience., and well overdue.
And a little plug for “libraries of things” – we don’t all need to own breadmakers, drills or pressure washers…….we can share these items and many more. There is one Library currently in London and we have just set one up in Cardiff with others in Frome, Plymouth and more planned around the U.K. - Sharon says:
I don’t think this series is in Australia yet. Hopefully we get it soon. I read Marie Kondo’s book a few years ago and immediately tidied my drawers. I didn’t think vertically stacking t-shirts would work but you can see each one clearly so you don’t lose any at the bottom of the pile. Socks folded sushi style is so much easier to maintain as well. And I finally got to the bulging bookcase. I feel if I’ve paid good money for a book I should hang on to it. Much better to pass it on to goodwill and let someone else enjoy it. Now I have room for more haha.
- Nicola says:
I think I’m the odd one out here – I loved the book but am disappointed by the series. To be fair, I was probably expecting Queer-Eye-level casting, but am not finding the stories that compelling. And the displays of consumerism and excess are off-putting.
I Konmaried my wardrobe a couple of years ago. Have been having a rethink about wardrobe maintenance after reading the Lady’s Maid/Alicia Healey’s book “Wardrobe Wisdom” (disclosure: am friend of author) – when I konmaried I got rid of things that were worn only occasionally, but crucial when worn, and am missing a lot of basics. Will also give Alyson’s recommended Robertson book a go.
- Lisa Pearce says:
I agree with your assessment of the series, Nicola, and mentioned so on Alyson’s Instagram post of this same story. I felt her book warranted a higher-level production with more instructional bits – and less of the reality show hoarding vibe.
- Boadicea says:
Oh, did this ever hit a nerve! But like others who’ve commented, wanting to be tidier, that just ain’t gonna happen. I’m sure Mrs Tonia would agree!
I also agree with Fivebyfive: books do make a home and long may that continue. I don’t think there’s a room in our house without them, including the stairs and landing. And like Tricia, I too collect stuff for my artwork. I mean, where would her jewellery be without her collections and how could I collage occasionally without a goodly selection of bits and bobs? And what about items of sentimental value? Priceless, of course, AND worthy of a home spot.
Maisie’s comment about her kids having to clear up her belongings – a long time off, Maisie! – made me smile. It reminded me of a cartoon I saw a while ago where a Dad and his lad where peering into a garage packed to the roof with clutter. The caption read, ‘”0ne day, my son, all this will be yours!”‘
You know, I’m rather glad we don’t have Netflix. That series might give my husband ideas and I couldn’t be doing with that! - Toomanyshoes says:
I didnt like her book at all but was intrigued by the technique for storing clothes. My t shirts, undies, scarves, socks, jumpers and jeans are all now a vision of easy to find folded order and I’ve way more wardrobe hanging space now that most things are in drawers. I don’t know about Sparking Joy, but it’s true that if you can’t see an item, or don’t love it, you won’t wear it. That has certainly helped me focus on paring volume right down, keeping like items in one place and getting rid of anything that I don’t really enjoy wearing.
- Eva says:
I tried to buy this book at FIL (Feria Internacional del Libro) in Guadalajara and it was sold out !! I got the graphic novel and I really loved it !
- Anne says:
I bought the book a year or so ago and feel the same – great tidying techniques which I have employed – my sock drawer works soooooo much better as does the t-shirt drawer…….. but I could not talk to my clothes. I do like the notion of considering if an item sparks joy and I assess my clothes and new purchases with this question in mind.
- MaureenC says:
If only the rest of my stuff was as well organised as my clothes…… this is certainly the time of year to have a go at it all. Does anyone remember a BBC series from the early 2000s called the Life Laundry with Dawna Walter? She addressed very similar issues with people- empty nests, resentment about downsizing and bereavement underlying chaotically untidy (and even rather squalid) levels of clutter.
I really recognise some of those issues particularly as time goes on and we have inherited and had to “dispose” of the possessions of numerous elderly loved ones. Even if you hang onto a few things of sentimental value it can really add up.
Last point – be careful when decluttering DVD’s of much loved films in the belief that you can stream them all from Netflix or Amazon these days. Well you can’t, particularly if they are a little esoteric, political or not in English. Do you really want American corporations to curate all our cultural choices? Made that mistake in my last round of decluttering and had to buy some of them back!- Alyson Walsh says:
That’s so true, Maureen. Though I sent box sets to the charity shop recently, I’ve held onto DVDs of my favourite films most of which are not on Netflix.
- Mrs Tonia says:
Oh Maureen Life Laundry reference. Our family was on one of her Dawna Walters programmes in 2002. I wrote to the programme having bought one or two of her books years previously. This triggered a process of our being interviewed for the show. An early experiment in Reality TV which we had no comprehension off. Very painful experience but we ended up with a shuffling of bedrooms all refurbished in our family home with my young teenage sons getting their own bedrooms which had been my objective in the first place. Many items of furniture sold and donated. Funds allowed a trip to Paris for a few days. Though I do think fondly of many items of high end clothing I was forced to part with. Books we love and have many of still coming from academic families on both sides. That said many have been and are donated to Oxfam in Oxford. I used to work there in book department as a volunteer. I’d buy books to read. Then resonate them. Several Christmas present books came from my local branch. With these it’s more the several in, several out approach. Including my original copy of Marie Kondo if I can locate on my shelves.
- Chrissie Dyson says:
May I just salute everyone who is decluttering so that one day their kids won’t have to? In the midst of trying to clear my mum’s house. Mum was undoubtedly a hoarder. Everything and anything had an emotional value. She would only agree to stuff being put temporarily in storage. I am pleased that extreme hoarding is at last recognised as a serious mental health issue. Extreme decluttering has to be looked at too. I am a support worker and one of my service users did this, even a key in a door or a bulb in a light fitting constituted ‘clutter to be got rid of’. The vertical folding method actually helped. My service user had a lot of clothes and would regularly pull out everything from drawers trying to find the top he wanted to wear. This stopped when I started the vertical folding so I am grateful for the method!
The issue of ‘stuff’ and over consumption is overwhelming the planet. We are encouraged to be ‘obsessed’ about particular songs, shoes, lip colours, brands and its not healthy ultimately. I don’t want human ingenuity and creativity to be stifled, just directed at the morass of problems we’re storing up for our kids. - karen says:
Really Alyson, really? “clearing out their crap”, WOW, I’ve never heard you be so judgement. I’m frankly disappointed. You respect people of all ages and sizes, are open to all kinds of fashion, and yet you are clearly dismissive of people who treat their possessions differently then you do. I’m going to believe that you meant this to be funny and just missed the mark….
- Alyson Walsh says:
Hi Karen, thanks for commenting. I wasn’t being judgmental or dismissive – I’ve been clearing out my crap too ( as mentioned, I had a major decluttering session before Christmas), we all do it. Marie Kondo’s guests are well chosen, diverse and lovely; I respect them all for going on air.
- Saba says:
I am of a different mind. I used to follow the advice of getting rid of things that I did not wear, but later learned that holding on to whatever is well-made and wonderful — even if it did not fit at the time — is a better plan for me. I now regret getting rid of some things I could now use. I have altered some things that I bought because I saw something wonderful in them. I have lost weight, so now fit into things from years gone by and wish I had some fabulous pieces back again. Out-of-date dresses work wonderfully as shirts with skirts or pants, just chop the dress in half. Too-large pants look great under a dress. Well, what works for me is not for everyone, but I thought I would present a different point of view.
- Mrs Tonia says:
Krissie Dyson above makes some very good points about “hoarding and hoarders” and about not wanting to leave the sorting out of too many possessions to the next generation to deal with.
My siblings and myself had to cope with my mother’s things when she got dementia and dispose of it. She ended up in a small nursing home room unable to use anything around her. And then I had to assimilate those things too.
We are overall I feel coming to the end of the wasteful conspicuous consumption phase. The “because I’m worth it”, it bag phase. And a good thing too. I’ve looked at the websites and blogs of the extreme declutters also. Some manifestation of mental distress there as much as hoarders exhibit.
Like everything, especially at the start of a new year, moderation is the way to go. Keep what you want, be as tidy or messy as you wish. And be tolerant of others in the way they think or conduct themselves. Enough said. - Susan B. says:
I’ve just started watching this. I always assumed MK would be a bit “judgy” after reading her book, but she really comes across as kind and compassionate. Like you, I find her methods a bit too extreme (after all, we need some things that are purely functional) but am hooked on the series. One of the episodes features one of my neighbors.
- Liz A. says:
I actually do like the idea of thanking your things as you get rid of them. I think it can create a mindful space for thinking about why we bring things in and out of our lives, not in a judgy way, just mindful. In one episode the subjects weren’t doing it so mindfully: “Thanks shirt!” and tossing it on a pile, lol. So there’s that approach too.
I recently saw the expression “three-dimensional notebook” to refer to the stuff we collect around us – I like that too.
The show inspired my husband to FINALLY go through his collection of electronic bits and bobs even tho he’s been putting it off for years (rightly so – it’s a big job). So one in the win column for MK.
For fans of tidying, there’s also the Swedish Death Cleaning book – the goal is to end your life with a few choice possessions in a shoebox so when you go to your final reward your kids aren’t stuck with your stuff.
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Hi, i’ve spent much of my break decluttering & tidying ready for a new 2019 (I do it every year). This year i’ve been much more ruthless though, especially with clothes, as I realise i’ve Just been moving some stuff around. I can’t do the folding though – surely you have to re-iron everything before you wear it? Would drive me nuts!