Flash Count Diary: a moving book about menopause
Author Darcey Steinke
In Darcey Steinke’s Flash Count Diary one woman compares her hot flashes (that’s flushes to us menopausal Brits) to being like a seventies superhero, ‘ I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin and roar like the Incredible Hulk.’ Steinke herself has been suffering hot flashes for two years and finds that, ‘ their onslaught has wiped out the composure and integrity of my old self,’ adding, ‘like the Hulk I am in the midst of a rupture, a metamorphosis, an all-encompassing and violent change.’ The only time she feels cool is when wild swimming in upstate New York. I’ve been there. Not Crystal Lake, but I have experienced the same calming sensation in our local swimming pool.
In this book, ‘flashing’ is a feminist issue. Steinke refuses to ‘dupe her body’ by taking HRT, criticising doctors, drug companies and the patriarchy, but then admits she might have given it a go had her mother not had breast cancer. Flash Count Diary has divided opinion, with reviewers pointing out some of its puzzling inconsistencies, but I think we can forgive a menopausal woman for being unpredictable and would still recommend it. This personal memoir is packed full of literary, social and scientific observations, from the likes of Simone de Beauvoir and Germaine Greer, psychologists and philosophers. And the American author is rightly critical of the language and ‘aggravating tone’ of some books on menopause, highlighting Christa D’Souza’s Hot Topic (among others) she picks out this comment from a doctor in New York, ‘ Once you lose your hormones, you are nothing but roadkill.’ I remember reading this at the time and wondering why on earth anyone would not only listen to such rubbish without question, but then choose to repeat it, in print…
My favourite part of Flash Count Diary is the chapter on whales and other ‘female mammals in middle age’ including elephants and gorillas. Steinke becomes obsessed with Lolita the killer whale held captive in the Miami Seaquarium, travelling to Florida to see her and eventually going whale watching in the Salish Sea (off the coast of British Columbia). Killer whales experience menopause and have a long post-reproductive life, older females become pod leaders, passing down skills from one generation to another they are valued by younger whales of both sexes. Which is both reassuring, and as it should be.
Flash Count Diary is honest and a bit angry, and like the Hulk its heart is in the right place.
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Discussion (28 Comments)
Helen says:
A similar experience for me too. And I prefer the word ‘flash’ to ‘flush’. The latter sounds like a gentle glow not the dibilitating volcanic eruption that I experienced. And I also used the Hulk analogy – sometimes feeling I was going green with nausea to match. I still suffer with insomnia and foggy brain after more than a decade. Unfortunately for me, taking HRT caused post-menopausal bleeding and polyps. Having said that, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it if you can tolerate it. It gave me back myself for a brief moment.
The more we talk about menopause, the better so this book is very welcome and adds to the slim canon of literature on it. I think, in the past, discussion has been hindered because every woman has such a wildly different experience of it.
Jeffer Wright says:
Interesting that the author is criticised for being inconsistent and angry – 2 classic menopausal symptoms surely? I wrote my Msc dissertation on my menopause and was advised to take my anger out (by my female menopausal dissertation supervisor) – her comment did nothing to ease my rage as you can imagine.
Yes, thanks for the prompt, Jeffer. I did mean to say ‘ I think that can be forgiven.’ I’ll go back in and add it now #brainfog
Elizabeth says:
Personally I didn’t suffer with daytime flushes at all, but the nights were awful – sometimes. Like everything else associated with menopause things ebbed and flowed for me. One of the best things I read was a book by Germaine Greer, I can’t remember its name, but she held up the idea that your body eventually rights itself, which I think to a degree mine has. No more vaginal dryness (which I briefly suffered with), no more night sweats, no more terrible mood swings. But it takes time, and yes, I was lucky to have a doctor who was keen to get the right HRT for me, and I did take it for a while, and would definitely tell my daughter to when her time comes. None of it is forever, although it seems endless at the time. A sense of humour goes a long way, that, and Talking about it. Thanks for bringing this to us Alison.
Tinie says:
Thank you for this Elizabeth! Your response is not extreme neither too light or passive; it’s very helpful and hopeful! It’s great knowing that ‘it’ doesn’t last forever! 🙂
Anna K. says:
I’m one of the lucky ones who had an easy menopause; but that’s what I am – lucky. I have seen friends suffering all the horrors associated with this time of life and get furious with women who, like me, had a fairly easy time of it, and are oh, so superior and dismissive of the ongoing misery many women experience. There are no easy answers but understanding friends can, and should support – and I personally would volunteer to deal briskly with the ‘roadkill’ brute.
One tiny reassurance I would offer: friends having a hot flush/flash are convinced they look like a blazing furnace but often, though they feel dreadful, it isn’t as obvious as they think to an onlooker.
Angie says:
Sixteen years and still flashing and flushing. I was always a chilly kind of person (by temperature not by nature) and welcomed the stupefying heat making me want to go out in the snow and roll about naked (but not actually doing it). So it was goodbye to polo neck sweaters, wearing pyjamas or nighties and anything made of man-made fibres. Yes, it affects my moods, my confidence, my shopping trips but I have also (perhaps like the killer whales) learned to be more thoughtful, to be calmer and quieter, to rest and look after myself more. It is unfortunate that this period of a woman’s life also coincides with getting older, noticing physical changes, experiencing difficult life stages and feeling worthless and ignored. HOWEVER not all menopause symptoms lead to ruin, some can teach us a thing or two about ourselves and I am welcoming those now instead of fighting back against nature, which I might add, takes up energy I no longer wish to squander
Mariñansky Ana Laura says:
I am reading this article while having breakfast before going to work, after another (of many) sleepless night. Not getting enough sleep turns me into a monster, and I DO look like a furnace when I get my flushes! HRT is out of the cuestion having had three breast surgeries, so I will have to cope with it.
Victoria says:
Menopause hit me like a brick. My mother never had any symptoms (or none she admitted!) and my friends never talked about it. At 53 I felt incredibly alone, seething with rage, flushing non stop, my body drying up and my hair falling out. I felt sad that my ‘reproductive’ time was up. Just a burnt out old husk. I was losing my mind, what the hell was going on??? I thought my husband justified if he wanted a divorce. According to family folklore, a dowager great aunt had been found crazily meandering naked over train tracks in the countryside – they locked her away in an asylum. Poor woman, she was probably just going through menopause. I tried valiantly to struggle through it, resisting HRT at any cost – visits to naturopaths, gallons of disgusting herb potions/supplements etc but to no avail. Finally, it got too much and I went to see a specialist in the field who reassured me that a combination dose of oestrogen in patch form (or the gel) and a micronised progesterone capsule (Prometrium) daily would be safe and would help. I can’t tell you how much. HRT has turned my life around and I want to tell the world about it. You don’t have to suffer through it – please, please, please go and talk to a menopause specialist. Let’s debunk the negative myths about HRT and get the word out to empower and support each other through this challenging and transitional time in our lives.
Nancy Garcia says:
Victoria – I agree, and went through a very similar experience which left me wondering – who am I? And I don’t mean in an existential, soul searching way, but in an “an alien has invaded my body” way. One of the most disconcerting things was when I realized that 99% of gynecologists and doctors knew almost nothing about options outside of the commonly prescribed “one size fits all” HRT treatments. I gratefully found a Hormone specialist who put me on compound formulated hormones, which I’ve been taking for six years. She has lowered the prescription in the last three years, as my symptoms have subsided, and she closely monitors me when I see her for appointments. I too urge women to research either compounded formulas, or doctors who specialize in menopause – they do exist!
Anne Murphy says:
I am one of the lucky ones….I sailed through the Menopause. I’ve never discussed it with friends, at the risk of sounding smug. My hope now is that it’s genetic, a ‘gift’ I’d love to pass to my daughter & granddaughters.
Kelly Novak Montano says:
Menopause, the musical….funny, witty…..wish it were so in real life. A decade and counting. Hot flashes have eased but aren’t gone. Early on compounded hormones. Progesterone was my nightmare. So I stopped all and now am thankful I made it to the other side. Was so hard to get thru. A loving and understanding husband and family is a true gift, but the stuff that happens in your head is a whole different animal.
Alex Ibsen says:
Dying to get my hands on this book!
Also, have to share this
TIP!!! SAGE TINCTURE is amazing for night sweats. Apparently good for hot flushes…which I don’t get, so can’t vouch for that.diana says:
I have to say that between myself and my friends we tried every single natural remedy on this earth . They do work of course before you have sweats but nothing except HRT ( a temporary pause ) can control the power of the hormone ! It does make you realise thats all we are …vessels for our hormones and its a lottery as to what you get . Menopause is a natural thing that we all have to go through , all we can really do is manage it but also understand that its not negative . Other cultures support all phases of life’s journeys but unfortunately in our culture its not seen as a good thing …we need to change that
Joyce Morris says:
I’m yet another one who was never going to take HRT. Far too unnatural don’t you know. How wrong was I. Sitting on the side of the bed one morning, feeling totally distraught and wondering how on earth I was going to get to work, I decided enough was enough and off to the doctor I went, by then practically begging for a prescription. And I was so lucky as the very first lot worked like magic. If it wasn’t too scary I would still be taking it as I had never felt better, but after five years I decided I should try without. Insomnia is, unfortunately, a lasting legacy and I’m convinced the whole flushing business never entirely disappears. I’m still here to tell the tale, but, if it was safe, I would take it again in a heart beat.
Sandra Schaper-Smith says:
I suffered terribly from hot flashes, mood swings, heart palpitations and you better believe I was angry. Because of family history I could not take HRT. I was willing to try ANYTHING to relieve my symptoms. I finally turned to an acupuncturist. She said they had an herb mixture for people who couldn’t take HRTs. I’m not gonna lie, I really didn’t expect it to work but I was so desperate I gave it a shot. The herbs tasted like shit (sorry, most accurate way to describe). but I took them every morning and every night. She also gave me dietary suggestions like drinking lots of water, eating beets, celery, cashews, fish, grapes which I incorporated into my diet. she suggested switching to gin or vodka when I wanted to have a drink instead of my favorite drink, red wine. she also said to watch my carbohydrate intake. I did it all. maybe it was placebo effect, I’m sure that’s what some would say, but those flashes went away with in a couple of months. I stayed on the herbs for quite a while but rarely did the acupuncture after 3 months. I finally weaned myself off the herbs and was flash free for at least 6 months. they did come back, (not nearly as severe) so I went to see her again. the herbs worked their magic a second time. that was 5 years ago. occasionally I have some flashes, but I find they are mild and quite tolerable. I usually need to take a look at my diet, too much sugar? wine? carbs? Not enough water? and I am back to cool and comfortable. If this helps anyone, I’m thrilled. I thought I’d share my story for that reason.
ann carroll says:
hi Sandra, do you know what herb your acupuncturist gave you, I really need to see an acupuncturist based on your experience, im in Ireland.
LolaFraola says:
I have had virtually no menopausal symptoms apart from the most debilitating migraines ever. My GP suggested HRT which i took for a few months and the migraines vanished, pain free for 6 months. They’ve just started up again so will leave it a few weeks and see how severe they get and if need be will try HRT again.
Mary says:
I tried to go med free during menopause. I felt unreasonably irritable and could not sleep. Thankfully, HRT has helped a great deal.
Tillikins says:
I had menopause symptoms that drove me to the doctor’s to ask (beg) for HRT only to be told by the young, smug, female doctor that “they didn’t believe in HRT”. Who knew it was a religion? A couple of months later, even worse, I saw a different doctor (male incidentally) who ordered blood tests to see what my hormones were doing. They revealed my thyroid had practically shut down – the symptoms can be similar. He prescribed thyroid medication and things improved hugely. I still went through the menopause but I could cope. Now 62, I still overheat day and night but wear layers that can be removed/topped up (hooray for cardigans) and a sheet under the duvet so it can be thrown back. I’d advise anyone to have their thyroid checked as well as their hormones because there can be other things going on.
Zoe says:
Experiencing peri menopausal symptoms not long after recovering from post natal depression and PTS has been pretty terrible.
Having seen my own mum go through what felt like 20 + years of menopausal symptoms and behaviours I was very clear that I’d do whatever I could not to go through that.
HRT has been amazing for me – I understand that for some this isn’t physically possible for everyone but I’d also urge anyone struggling with Peri or menopausal symptoms to talk to a good doc or specialist about it. It doesn’t have to be forever but if it works for you, keep going!Tiffany says:
I was having at least a dozen hot flushes a day, plus the night sweats, insomnia and debilitating migraines – went onto HRT and can’t believe I waited so long. No flushes, sleeping better, moods better, off migraine meds … in theory I’d rather do it ‘naturally’, but now I have my life back ….
Longdenlife says:
I haven’t experienced particularly severe symptoms yet but over the past few years I have had night sweats, thinning hair, waves of rage, complete inability to put up with bull**** and brain fog. During a routine GP appointment I did ask about things I could do to help alleviate symptoms and was immediately steered towards the HRT route. The symptoms I have are bearable so I didn’t want to go the HRT route until/unless I felt I needed to. When I explained this to the GP they shrugged and couldn’t give me any particular guidance, so I am relying on reading articles online, advice from others, pharmacists, health food outlets etc.
Louise says:
Wow – I’m 47 ,I’ve never been able to have children and in the past 3 months my periods have stopped I feel so angry about anything I can fly into a rage about the smallest things have trouble concentrating I have heart palpitations etc etc the symptoms come and go and me and my husband laugh about it .because I never became a mum I’ve felt so excluded from so many conversations with women over the years but we all go through this and reading this today and hearing other women’s experience is actually a comfort I wish we could all sail through it easily but just talking about it however it affects women makes you feel your not alone thank you for doing this post xx
,Elisa Bjersand says:
Loved the “Flash Count Diary” – what a book! Thank you for reviewing it here, Alyson.
Ive been out of the menopause now for 10 years and looking back it was a kind of madness , the same hormonal madness that teenagers go through but with different physical symptoms. Most of it takes place in the peri period and by the time you get the full menu you just think .”why did no one tell me about this “. Problem was my mums generation are adamant it did not exist in their day ! I was teaching full time so had to stand up in front of younger people and then get a flush and everyone would be looking at me in horror. I didnt want to take HRT due to health scares then so I just decided after one bad day that I would make it everyone else’s problem and just not think about how they felt about me . It worked . I still had the flushes but ignored them . Then one morning I realised I had slept through and literally they just stopped overnight. Looking back I wish I had taken HRT because hormones protect us from so many things. I wish I had been able to get bio identical hormones and been to see a specialist about this . I hope they find better solutions for future generations that take women through the inevitable time in more dignity and social awareness . I dont miss periods but a flame inside me did go out and Ive never been able to ignite it .
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Interesting. As a woman with severe menopausal symptoms (several hot flashes an hour, some severe for four years and after trying everything but HRT, I finally went on HRT. I finally felt human again. You can’t go 4 years with interrupted sleep being a sodden mess and not question who you are and what happened to you. It can be tough and there is very little new on the horizon to help people like me.